Protect Your Self-Care When Others Tempt You To Stray

One of the challenges we face as we evolve with our weight loss is protecting our boundaries and efforts for self-care. At times we may feel derailed by others who do not understand the changes taking place with our bodies and our lifestyles. The following article by Linda Dessau has some great hints for protecting our self-care and boundaries without feeling guilty.Protect Your Self-Care When

How To Lose Weight And Enjoy Life

===================================For Reviews of Today’s Top Diets Visit:Diet Reviews===================================How To Lose Weight And Enjoy LifeAre you stuck in the mental and physical loop of being overweight whilst wanting to be slim? Do you find you're going round in circles and getting more upset, frustrated and helpless?You're not aloneMore people than ever are overweight. It is

The Ideal BMI Varies Each Decade

The Diet Blog has an interesting post about how BMI (body mass index measurements) have varied over the last century. They note that the mean BMI for U.S. females keeps going up. It was 28.1 in the 1990's and 24.9 in the 1960's. Yet in the modeling and celebrity world, the average BMI just keeps going down. Here's Kate Moss, who is said to have a BMI of 16. See their other examples of famous stars in each decade and their body types.

Photoshopping Thin

Much has been said lately about the media's mis-representation of female bodies. I think many of us who are recovering from morbid obesity can say we have been intimidated or frustrated with unrealistic images of women in the media. Common sense tells us that yes indeed, these photos have been altered. But still, seeing perfection on the glossy pages can be intimidating. I found this post over at

Losing 20 Pounds by Getting Off the Couch

Sally has lost 20 pounds by starting a modest running program and watching her diet. When she started jogging ten weeks ago, she could only run for about 90 seconds at a stretch. She's now surprised she can do half an hour. Her abs are starting to show, just based on the the regular jogging exercise.

She's been following the Couch to 5k (or 'couch to three miles') program. This shows you how to ease into running gradually. It recommends walking and jogging at first for 20 to 30 minutes three times a week. The objective of the program is to enable you to run three miles at a stretch in just two months.

As far as her food intake goes, she's made no strict rules, she is just trying to eat lots of vegetables and to deal with the cravings.


The above poster is a woman running through the desert landscape by Dugald Bremner.

The Natural Cure for Type 2 Diabetes

There's a good article today at NPR about the causes and cures for Type 2 diabetes. A large study has found that exercise and diet are more effective than drugs in preventing and reversing diabetes. The people in the study exercised for 2.5 hours a week.

They say that the high incidence of younger people getting diabetes is very alarming. It used to be only older people who were at risk.

See more about the benefits of exercise and diet in reversing diabetes here.

Strawberry Season

It is always good to see strawberries in the market - for me this means summer is close. As a WLS-post op I find strawberries to be well tolerated and an enjoyable seasonal addition to my diet. Here's what World's Healthiest Foods has to say about strawberries:Strawberries are in the peak of their season this week.This week we celebrate the fragrantly sweet taste of strawberries. They are the

Janet Jackson Keeps the Fat Off

Janet Jackson lost 60 pounds a year ago. At that time she was on the cover of US Weekly and that magazine cover sold more copies than any other issue in the magazine's history.

So now, one year later, US Weekly has Jackson on the cover again. This time the feat is no less newsworthy. Jackson has managed to keep the weight off for the year and she looks even fitter than last year. Jackson, age 41 says she now weighs 120 pounds.

Jackson's weight loss in 2006 was probably the most dramatic celebrity makeover of the year.

Janet credits Fresh Dining with helping her lose the weight.

What a HELL of a week!

What a flaming nightmare.

I have just been released from hospital.

Oh My Goodness!!

As you know Saturday I fell down the stairs.

Well SUNDAY, I developed pain in my stomach. I am not going into it all, but I was admitted to hospital Sunday evening at about 11:00pm.

I was poked, prodded, scanned, x-rayed, drained of blood and urine and shoved in a horrible side room. However, it was not as horrible as it could have been. They could have put me in the ward with the 80-100 year old men and women in varying degrees of continence. *shudders*

It was all mind numbing to be honest. I didn't know what was happening or wen I would get out of there. I was only able to see DH and DS for 2 hours on Monday afternoon and that was it. I was just on my own. It was awful. I was on a drip and nil by mouth for 24 hours.

They decided that it was a kidney stone. I never knew that it could be so painful. It was either that or I have diverticulitis or something, but I should not have that at my age apparently. So basically they don't know what it was, except that I thought I was going to DIE of agony. it was like giving birth without painkillers. I would not even wish this pain on Ivana. She's not hard enough to deal with it... *snide tee hee*

Anyway, they finally let me out of the place at 10:30am this morning. How close can you cut that? I have spent the day getting my nails done, and my toes and the bills paid and washing and ironing and packing and tidying the house. What a nightmare!!!!!!!!!!

I am still not done, so that's why I have to tell you that it is my last post for 2 weeks.
I am sorry I haven't been weighed this week. I really wanted to know how much I weighed before the holiday, but I was in the hospital feeling lousy with myself.

So bye bye peeps! I will post weight and photo when I get back because the day I get back is my 4 month bandiversary!! Woo hoo!

Losing 125 Pounds with Weight Watchers

Karen Ebbesmeyer weighed 275 pounds two years ago. That's when she got started on the Weight Watchers program as well as walking on a treadmill at least three miles a day.

She says she eats a lot more vegetables now. Before starting the diet, she says that if she opened one can of vegetables a week she was doing good.

Karen now weighs just under 150 pounds. She's gone from a size 24 to a size 6 and is flying to New York this week to do a photoshoot for Good Housekeeping magazine. She'll be featured in their August issue.

See the full story here.

Here is a nice picture of what I'm gonna look like soon!! HA HA

How cool is that. My heads a bit too big for my body. Oh well, at least I'm slim!! I really like the dark hair... might actually make that a reality...







I have had a really awful couple of days. Friday night as you know, we were up all night with DS. Saturday I got out of bed a bit later than I should have and got to my first lesson about 10 minutes late. It wasn't a problem as I said what had happened with DS that night. Anyway, I thought I would rearrange my next pupil for later on in the day so that I could catch up and not make everyone late.

I popped home and ran upstairs for a quick wee, then called my pupil and rearranged the lesson. Then I was just 1 step down the stairs and I caught my foot in the turn up of my trouser leg! I fell all the way down the stairs in my knees to the bottom.

I thought I had broken every bone in my body.

Sri Lanka!!! BOOOOO HOOOOO

But an ambulance came and took me to the hospital and check me over. Nothing broken thank goodness, just a couple of bad sprained ankles and a bruised bum, arms, shoulders and wrenched wrist. Not bad considering.

Anyway, feeling pretty sorry for myself, so I made this picture of me when I am slim!! Its cheered me up no end!

Its 1:00 am and all's ill

I am sitting up with DS because he is not well.

He has this horrible cough that is making him bark like a dog. Poor little thing. When he's lying down, in the dark, with nothing to think about other than "I'm trying not to cough!" its awful, so after getting up to him for the 3rd time, I decided that there isn't a lot of point staying in bed.

He's coughing, I am awake, DH is snoring.... life's peachy....

So I am in the office writing and he is in the front room watching cartoons... Hopefully it will lull him and he will fall asleep. It always used to work for me when I was a child. I spent many a night up with my mum... standing on chairs with the kettle boiling and boiling to fill the room with vapour to help me breathe; wallpaper peeling from the walls. Making jam tarts at 4:00am because I was coughing and wheezing so much I couldn't lie down... Even watching some dodgy film in Italian or Spanish used to be better than lying in the dark bedroom trying not to cough. I would eventually fall into the land of nod. So I have fed him a yogurt to soothe his throat because he has drunk all the Benolyn and of course its 1:00am. If things don't improve in the next hour or so I might go to tesco's with him just to get some more medicine and some throat sweets.

Its handy really. When I was young Tesco's shut at 5:30pm or something, as did all the other shops. And there wasn't 24 hour children's entertainment. I do wonder why they put tele-shopping on the kids cartoon channel Toonami at night though. That's a bit weird. What adult is going to say "Hmmm let me check out Toonami...., yes, that's right dear - the kids cartoon channel - and see what bargains they have for us in kitchenware tonight!" or what child is going to say "Mummy, pleeeeease can I stay up and watch Toonami at midnight? they are going to have a great sale on lamps!"

Too odd.

Enough rambling. Today has been strange eating wise.
for breakfast I had 2 weetabix with not quite enough milk for my liking... but ok.
Lunch... I had a custard and dutch apple pudding (about 250 cals)
Afternoon about 3:30 I had a slice of bread.
Pre dinner I had 2 slices of bread with some coleslaw inside
dinner I had 2 sausages in tomato and bean sauce with new potatoes, carrots and broccoli.
I then had a choc ice.
I then had a small slice of chocolate cake.

So the day started with good intentions but I was too hungry when I got home from work so I had to eat a sandwich. If I hadn't been so starving I would not have had to eat that That will teach me a lesson to take some fruit with me or a slimfast shake to work. I keep forgetting about them. I think I will get a pack to take in the car with me so if I ever get hungry I can top myself up quick so that I don't over eat later.

I am hungry right now to be honest....

We have nothing in the house that's nice to eat. The humous has been in the fridge a week... ad has half of a limp bent biscuit sticking out of it where someone has obviously had a go at it. Disgusting. There is 1 yogurt in the house ad I really need to save that for DS to soothe his throat.

There are olives though.... Maybe I shall have a go at those. I was so desperate last night that I ate some sultanas that went out of date in January 06, but were still in the cupboard. They were crunchy but nice! Mmmm....

The Detox Diet: Swiss Style

Epicurious recently interviewed Susan Wyler. Wyler has helped Dr. Rau write The Swiss Secret to Optimal Health: Dr. Rau's Diet for Whole Body Healing. Before she agreed to help this famous Swiss doctor to write the book, she tried out the diet for herself. She tells Epicurious;

SW: I went on [the detox diet] in preparation for meeting with Dr. Rau. Beforehand, I had the usual allergies and common problems associated with postmenopausal women. I was the queen of "eat as much as you can get away with of everything that tastes good." I wanted to see if, as a "foodie," I could recommend anyone eat like a chipmunk for three weeks and not get depressed. The difference I felt on the diet was dramatic — it had to be for me to become convinced.

Epi: What sort of changes have you seen in your body?
SW: I was never able to get out of bed in the morning. Morning was excruciating. No more. I wake up bright and energetic. I've lost 12 pounds, a lot for a woman of my small height. Bouts of depression, which occasionally visited me on and off for years, have disappeared. What thrilled me the most was the improvement in my thyroid condition. I had been on Synthroid for an unsightly neck goiter, but after eight months on the diet, it just melted away. When tested, my thyroid function had improved 25 percent.

See the full story here.

Maintenance Rocks! Changing Seasons

Ok - I'm going to take a moment and toot my own horn..... (forgive me 'o ye gods of humility)Today was *change-over* day for me. Seasonal change-over, that is, where I bin-up my Autumn & Winter clothes and shake out my stowed Spring & Summer clothes. I cranked up my "Tropical Vacation" play list and got busy folding sweaters and shaking the winter-woogies out of the shorts and tank tops. I

May is National Fitness Month

May is National Fitness Month - lead by the Presidents Council on Physical Fitness. I was doing some research on their site and found some interesting bullets that support what so many of us have come to learn --- take a look. And take some time this month to give your body the gift of a little extra movement. You deserve the benefits you will glean from it!Adults 18 and older need 30 minutes of

13 weeks after my lap band....

Well I am 13 weeks down the road into lap-bandville.

I must admit I thought it would be more restrictive than it has been.

When I had my last supper at that lovely restaurant in Brugge I really thought I would never be able to do that again.

The truth?

I can.

I could easily go back to that restaurant and order the same bottle of wine... but I would have to drink the whole bottle before my meal...

If I wasn't comatose, I could essentially order the same starter that I had.

Once that was down, I could probably manage the second course... it was another starter after all.

The 3rd course... Nah. I could probably have a few bites.

I certainly would not be able to eat the 4th or 5th courses.

So yes, I would be able to eat there again, but not in the same quantity.

I am actually a little annoyed about that. When I had that meal, I really really truly wanted food to be difficult after that. I guess I am glad its not. It would not have been nice to be vomiting or unable to eat and every day being a chore. But I wish it was a bit more restrictive.

I am watching what I eat this week. Until I have my next fill when I get back from Sri Lanka, I think I just have to go easy. keep stopping during dinner and assessing the 'fill level' and then really stopping when I am full. I am not in a famine zone for goodness sake... I don't have to eat every scrap of food. I can always get something to eat later on if I get hungry again.

I am going to up my fruit intake as well as I don't think I have been getting enough fresh raw food. I have also got back on the treadmill after an eternally quiet period. I did 35 minutes today. I would have done more but the day got ahead of me!

Today's food...
Half a slice of eggy bread for brekkie.
Lunch was Heinz tomato soup and some bread and butter
Dinner was Beef Diane (270 cals) and then semolina with dutch apple (187 cals)

So I think today has been a pretty good day diet wise.

A Healthy Heart Lifestyle

Most people don't see themselves as potential heart attack or stroke victims. But it happens to many of us after age 40 and especially after age 55.

If one of the following risk factors applies to you, then it could be very helpful to look into heart health tips sooner rather than later;

* High blood pressure
* High blood cholesterol
* Diabetes
* Smoking
* Being overweight
* Being physically inactive
* Having a family history of early heart disease
* Age (55 or older for women)


The National Heart, Blood and Lung Institute has a 122 page handbook about heart health that you can download for free, or get a copy sent to you for $3.75. It's The Healthy Heart Handbook for Women '07.

Reducing Cellulite with Exercise

MSNBC has an encouraging article about reducing cellulite with exercise. They interviewed Wayne Westcott, a fitness research director. He has found that women who are not exercising and begin a program of exercise three times a week, together with a reduced-calorie diet can lose on average about 9 pounds of fat and gain two pounds of muscle in about eight weeks. Most of these women also said they thought the cellulite on their thighs and hips showed improvement.

Cellulite is more likely to appear if you don't have good muscle tone.

Cellulite is a drag. And even celebrities get cellulite.

Getting lower....

Hi all.
Just thought I would let you know quickly that when I got up this morning I jumped on the scales and it said 16 stone 3... or 227lbs.
so that means I have lost 25 in total... Obviously that's not an official weigh in because I like to do that on Monday#s but it proves to me that it was indeed retention.
I am really pleased... especially as we went out for pizza last night!!! Hurrah!
I just booked an appointment for hair extensions! YIKES! I have long hair anyway, but I want it longer!!
This is my last Wednesday of work!! This time next Wednesday I will be IN THE SKY!!

*update*
Well today was tiring. Lessons went well though, all my pupils are quite easy on a Wednesday... 2 adults 4 kids and 1 teenager who's quite advanced.

The advanced lesson is starting to happen now. It has been really hard getting her to work at what she needs to do. People don't realise the work they are taking on when they decided to venture on to grade 7 and beyond.

A lot of mummies and daddies decide that poppet wants to do grade 7. Ok. They don't realise that you are looking at a minimum of 2 hours practice daily.... And to actually BE grade 7 when you take the exam your looking more at 4 hours. This is a serious intensive study. What actually happens is that poppet practices her pieces once through and then does her scales once - and thinks that he/she is now grade 7. You could teach a monkey to play 3 pieces given enough time... doesn't mean hes grade 7.

I feel that if you have a piece of paper that says grade 7 on it, you want it to really mean what it says... you don't want that certificate to just mean "I can play 3 tunes quite well and stumble through a piece I have never looked at before". You want that certificate to mean "I have done a years worth of intensive study and you can chuck anything at me at this level and I can do a great job of it".

My pupil, thankfully is not one of these... but I am pretty sure she didn't like bringing her practice time up to length and working at things, not just playing easy stuff. Its taken a good year to get her to change her technique to something approaching elegance and its going to take another before I will even consider her ready for grade 7. Shes doing well, I just hope she keeps the pace going. She will be an excellent pianist if she continues... but as with all teens... there are other things pressing. Her goal is to be a piano teacher, so the drive is there... lets hope it stays.

Other than that, boring day. Didn't get home until 10:30pm and was shattered. Ate my tea on the sofa and watched 2 episodes of Home and Away then went to bed.

That's all folks.

Holiday of a lifetime

Check this out. Its where we are staying in 1 weeks time!
http://www.heritancehotels.com/HA/index.php

We are staying in the Luxury Suite...

Ahhhhh

Feeling a much better

Hi all....

I am feeling a lot better.

I think I needed to get a few things off my chest lately and last night DH and me went to bed early and had a massive chat and cuddle and I vented my spleen big style. He is always there for me and I love him to bits. He listens to me shout and rant about this and that and calms me down and makes me see that its not me, it really is unfair and that it doesn't matter about anyone else because he loves me and we have each other.

He is so definitely my better half.

Anyway, we had the most smashing evening lying there chatting and stuff and I went to sleep feeling completely clear in heart, soul mind and body.

I had a nice sleep, even though I was still wide awake at 3am and woke maybe 5 times during the night... Funny that sometimes you don't need a long deep sleep to satisfy you. It felt nice to keep waking gently and see him there sleeping and I felt safe and secure in everything. then I would turn over again and doze off and then repeat the whole thing a few more times until I woke completely feeling young and vibrant before the alarm and bounced out of bed.

Funnily enough, I really do think my weight gain has been totally down to *star* week and fluid retention because this morning, as I jumped on the scales with optimism they gleamed back at me with 16stone 4. That's half a pound less than my lowest ever... so I think what ever I was holding on to is now gone. That means that I should have a nice result when I go for my weigh in next Monday which will be the last one before the holiday. It will be nice to be under that 16 stone zone, but I know I have to chill out.

Helen left me a great comment on my blog. I asked her to tell me what kind of things she ate and how she was feeling etc...

One thing that stood out to me in what she said was:

"one thing you really need to keep in mind is that your pouch only holds 8 ounces maximum...and if you keep stretching it out, you'll have to have another surgery."

Now I have never been told this... but it seems that every bandit is given differing advice; There doesn't seem to be anything that is set in stone for definite.

So if this is what Helen has been told, and I am pretty sure that I have heard in other places a similar account, I have not been consuming too much food.

When I eat, I don't eat more than 8oz.

Yesterday when I had two bowls of cereal we (travelling buddy and I) were sitting there lamenting my lack of weight loss and I said "How come I have been able to eat that much?" and she said "Well maybe when its all chewed up and mashed together it is less than you think...?"

I gave this some consideration after Helen's comment.

Now, for any of you who still don't think I am crazy, this will most likely confirm your suspicions..... I know its a waste, but I had to do it...

Here are the two bowls of cereal

Here are the two bowls of cereal in my little blender...

Here are the two bowls of cereal blended roughly (i.e. chewed) in a measure....

For the benefit of those who can't see.... this has made just over half a pint of mush. There are still quite a few large chunks of stuff in there, but basically it has the same consistency as cereal chewed and spat out.

this is therefore 10 ounces of food. Now, this was the first time I had ever eaten 2 bowls of cereal straight off the bat like that.... So that tells me that a big bowl of cereal, even If I over filled the bowl would not be more than 8 oz.

This has made me happy. My meals are less that 8 oz too. Definitely.

So why am I not losing weight as fast as say... Helen? I dunno. But looking at what she eats, she doesn't eat very much at all (see her comment on yesterdays post) so I think probably she has a different and tighter band than me. I have read her blog often enough to see the difference in her pb'ing and eating patterns and there is a vast difference between hers and mine.

So she has enough restriction, and I have restriction..... just not quite enough....yet!!!!

this is where these blogs and chat sites really help. Dr. Clayson could not allay my fears. Helen could. It could have been anyone but they have to know what you are going through.

***A big THANK YOU to Helen!!! ***

I am losing weight. I have to look at the bigger picture. I am so bad at not doing that.

I am 20 pounds lighter than I was 3 months ago. That's great!

So even if I lost half a pound a week, its still the right way.

I WILL get to my target and Helen will get to hers.

Erika and I seem to be following much more similar routes... I have to keep in mind that we are ALL different.

I feel much more positive.

Thanks for bearing with me and I am sorry if I have been horrid and petulant.

Love you all!

BLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH

Hate self

Feel crud

Am stressed beyond control.

Put on 1 and a half pounds this week.

And yes I KNOW it is *star* week... but AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I am able to eat too much.

What banded patient with 5mls in their band can eat 2 Massive bowls of cereal and not even feel full....??? Hmmmm?? That's right. There isn't one. What about a big curry and rice and then later on second helpings. What about a whole meal and then pudding?
Jeeez I need some help man!

I tried in vain all day to make an appointment for a fill with various companies, and basically not a lot will do it.

A place in Winchester will do it for £260 (Gulp!) but not until 9th June.

Rubbish

Another company will do it if I buy their aftercare package. £1450.00 (GULP GULP GULP!)

Another place will do it if I pay £270 for the fill and £250 for the surgeon consult.

GRRRRRRRRRR

So basically I am stuck with it and wait until I get back from Sri lanka where I shall eat my way around the Island and come back as a bloated crispy fried English woman. I am SO worried about this. I have self control but for Gods sake, I wouldn't have had the band if I had been able to control myself that well would I?????? I have no idea why Dr. Clayson wont fill me before 6 weeks are up. Even Cisca at www.obesitycare.co.uk which is the company I had my band done through said its usually about 2 - 3 weeks between fills. Even Dillemans said that to me himself!!! I thought this guy worked in close connection with these people. The bloke Dr Dovey in Barnes will fill you up when ever you cross his hand with silver too. I mean we are paying for this! I need restriction or I will have to slash my wrists!!

I did talk to Dr. Clayson and he tried hard to reassure me. I wish he would get another secretary as his one is a bolshy cow to the Nth degree. She has a serious superiority complex.
Anyway, Dr. C told me that a lot of people go through this. Its normal.. don't worry, relax bla bla bla but for GODS SAKE. I am paying him £75 to fill me so I lose weigh, but I don't!!!! I am not made of flaming money. All I feel is its £75 wasted... I mean I don't know this guy do I really. He could be just jabbing a needle in me and making some kind of sick psychological test and in 2 years turn round and say "oh yeah, you know you have had 10 fills from me... actually you lost weight with the power of your mind" or some crap like that.

Am I insane???? Does anyone else doubt their doctors like this?? I pay £75 I want results NOW baby. Not in 6 months time.

How do I know that hes not milking it and that actually you can shove 10 ml straight in there and crack on, but that would only cost £75 rather than the £ 375 they can bleed you with if they spoon feed you the fill 1ml at a time bull shit.

Sorry I am just mad.

Anyway,
Hateful day,
Hate everyone and his dog.

Going to boil head

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGH!

Eat Chick Peas for Weight Loss

Chick peas, also known as garbanzo beans, are together with the whole legume family, one of the best foods you can eat for weight loss.

One cup of garbanzo beans will provide you with 50% of the fiber amount recommended for daily consumption. The high fiber prevents blood sugar levels from rising too rapidly after a meal, this being especially good for anyone with diabetes, insulin resistance or hypoglycemia.

Garbanzo beans are an excellent source of the trace mineral molybdenum which helps detoxify sulfites. Sulfites are a preservative that is often added to prepared foods such as deli salads and salad bars.

The insoluble fiber found in garbanzo beans helps to make your stools bigger and to prevent constipation, irritable bowel syndrome and diverticulosis.

A cup of garbanzo beans has amazing nutritional benefits. Of the daily recommended values of key nutrients, it provides 70% of folate, 50% of fiber, 29% of protein, 26% of iron, 84% of magnamese and 164% of molybdenum. All for 269 calories.

See the excellent overview of chick pea health benefits here.

See the recipe for the Garbanzo bean salad above here.

Rainy on the outside, Rainy on the inside

Awful day.

I am menstrual for one thing ( hence the last couple of nasty posts - here's another one!)

Father in law and his bird called around.

They drove an hour to come to the garden centre up the road from us. Yes. Seemingly there cannot be any garden centres within an hours drive in any direction from their house.

I don't know why they don't say "Oh, will you be in today? Yes? Oh great. We shall pop around and see you then". There always has to be a premise.

However, it rained ALL DAY long.

(my keyboard is annoying me as its not picking up a lot of letters when I type fast, and I am having to go back a hundred times and correct it all! GRRR)

So we sat in the front room drinking tea.

DS had his pot of holiday cash on the table and was innocently playing with it... counting the Tens and the Twenties and saying.. "wow I have loads for my holiday" and showing grandad the card he got from a Friend of mine that had £5 in for his holiday.

DS was totally innocent about it, and was simply excited. He would have been counting it, sniffing it, dreaming of the things he was going to spend it on, whether grandad was there or not... but I had a pointed look in DH's direction and vice versa.

Nope. Grandad kept his money in his wallet.

He even asked DS to change some money for him! Yes!!!! Can you believe it. He wanted change for a £20 and asked if DS would could do that. I expected him to say... "no keep it honey". Yeah right. What a cheap skate.

Your only grandson, and you never give him the drippings of your nose. I hope you read this you tight fisted git.

Never gets any pressies from you does he. Xmas, Brithday... Whats the matter with you?

Actually that's kind of wrong. He was given a book on dinosaurs today... DS was very into dinosaurs... when he was 3!!!!!!!!! But I am sure he will like another book about dinosaurs to add to the 600 he already has and doesn't read which we have already told you about before when you have bought him dino stuff.

This probably sounds really rotten and ungrateful, but trust me its not.

This guy travels the world - Egypt, Thailand, Saudi, Trinidad, Canada you name it. He went on holiday and came home and said to DS on the phone "I've got you something when I see you next" and Ds got all excited... wondering whati t was.... It was the toothpaste and socks you get on a long flight.

I was dumb struck as he had made such a big deal of it... and poor kid was really like "Do I laugh... or what? Is it a joke? Is this it? or..." Not in a spoilt brat way, just in an incredulous "What is going on" naive kind of way.

They make every meeting feel dark surreal and pregnant... you never quite know what will kick off and his Dad's sense of humour is so shite that you can NEVER tell if he is serious or not, oh, and he thinks himself incredibly funny at all times and always gives those smart little answers and then titters whilst holding his little fingernail in the corner of his mouth like 'Mini Me'.

You end up either looking away in horror or laughing at them in revulsion.

DH asked them what they thought of the front room now its all decorated and The Girlfriend said "Yeah, its alright init." and Tight Wad just grunted and snorked liked hes clearing his nasal cavities. Neither of them know how to behave I swear it. You don't sit there is someones house and look down your nose at their hard work.

Damn straight we have to big their new stuff up all the time and listen to all the problems that always happen with them and how much everything costs... but they can't even be civil.

How can you not praise your own Son and his efforts? How can you be such an ass?I always tell DH not to ask them. but he wants praise from his father and can't not ask. They were here about 2 hours and neither of them had said a word. My Mum and Dad walked in and the first thing out of their lips was "WOW!" Now, I don't care if my Mum and Dad liked it or not, but at least they made us feel nice about our efforts. I also don't care if Tight Wad and Girlfriend like it or not either... but at least flaming well pretend!

So tight wad went home with his equally appalling cow of a girlfriend.

Then we were so shell shocked and worn out from the sheer trauma of talking to them for 3 hours and the physical strength it needs to keep your tongue under control that DH and I went for a lie down for an hour.

Then I took DS to skating and the day got brighter.

I had a banana for brekkie today, spaghetti on toast for lunch and quiche and veggies for tea.

I feel like I have restriction, but not quite enough. I kind of feel full, but not in a satisfying way... I think one more fill and I will be there... but something is definitely going on in there. I cant eat without thinking about it, so there is restriction... just I don't think quite enough just yet.

Anyway, weigh in tomorrow.... oooh dear. I will be really upset if I don't lose this week. I have been good. The painters are in this week though, so that's not a good thing for me and the scales... I will let you know what happens.

And here are the Babies... les Gary. Click on it to see it full size and the red bits are their names..

Post Eurovision chill down

I apologise for a particularly long and bitchy post.

Its all about eurovision... so you don't have to bother reading it if you don't wanna.

Well. That was the most crap eurovision I have ever watched. I thought the presenters were shocking and the humour in the little Finnish interludes between the entries were disturbingly tragic and childish for such a lovely nation.

I have also never witnessed so much shameless political voting in my life. Yes, I know it always happens, but I watch this every year ok. Seriously... I print the score card and everything. I actually love the show - well used to love it.

I am appalled that Serbia won. It was a miserable song with strange dancing and touchy strokey girls prancing about in imperial German wear or some utter rubbish. The singer her/himself looked like a cross between Penfold from Dangermouse and Jimmy Cranky and it was outstanding simply because it was bad.

The trouble is you have 13 or 14 former eastern block/commie states including their mother ship nation Russia all voting for each other. The rest don't stand a chance to be fair.

I must admit there were some pretty random votes from the western countries to countries i SERIOUSLY doubt anyone watching phoned in a voted for. I mean COME OFF IT! There should be some way where we can view the call breakdown because I think its boll***s to be honest.

I have just been looking at a website (www.songcontestvoting.com/eurovision) that gave the predictions based on who 'fans' thought was going to win.


Here is the line up:
1st. Serbia
2nd. Turkey
3rd. Greece
4th. Georgia
5th. Ukraine

Check out my predictions based solely from watching the show and marking dance/outfit/performance/song:
1st. Russia 12pts
2nd. Sweden 10pts
3rd. Hungary 8pts
4th. Greece 7pts
5th. Latvia 6pts
6th. Slovenia 5pts
7th. Finland 4pts
8th. Spain 3pts
9th. Belarus 2pts
10th. Moldova 1pt

Heres the actual 'winners'

1st Serbia (WTF???)
2nd Ukraine
3rd Russia
4th Turkey
5th Bulgaria


Now take a look at the what the site says about how they got their predictions:

"They could only vote once and, where possible, were prevented from voting for their own country. Results were converted to Eurovision scores (1-12). If eligible countries didn't vote in the poll then we tried to fill in the gaps using data from our main survey on which countries they were 'most likely' to vote for.



So as you can see its all a load of Boll**ks. Serbia's song, Molitva, was apparently a heartfelt plea to an estranged lover with religious overtones. The obviously religious Serifovic said she would celebrate her victory with 'litres' of white wine. A nice Christian thing to do... go and get wrecked. "I can't lie to God as I kneel down and pray. You're the love of my life," cried Serifovic as five bouffant backing singers touched her back in support.
The dancing was like a slow-motion lesbian porn film.

Unfortunately the singer Jimmycranky/Penfold aka Marija Serifovic has an unusual resemblance to a particularly horrid Slovakian by the name of Ivana which made the whole thing even more unpleasant for me.

Here is a picture of Ivana drawn by my sister sophi and then a pic of Maria...




Hmmm I forget which one is which now. Maybe they are cousins or something.

The man about to be dunked is Ivana's boyfriend. Poor poor thing.




Anyway, here is a GENUINE result from this houses jury...

This was my rough draft of the score card...
I shall not be watching another eurovision.
And finally, a quote from http://www.clickpress.com/releases/Detailed/34098005cp.shtml

"Furthermore most fans either don’t think ‘neighbourly’ voting exists or that it’s just a bit of fun. Only 28% of UK respondents (and 24% overall) thought suspect voting patterns were reducing the contest to a farce."

SHUT UP!! Serbia was awarded the competition's maximum score by five of its eight neighbours.

These are obviously NOT fans because eurovision is now BLATANT and SHAMELESS neighbourly political voting and IS a complete farce.

I am sad to say this was my last Eurovision. Its too difficult for me to watch it anymore because it simply isn't a true reflection of the song/act/dance/outfit quality any more.

In fact maybe they should just get around a table and vote for which country they like best, o want to trade with/exploit and save the general public from the excitement of thinking there really is a contest in the first place.

...and yes, I am now off to enjoy the rest of my life.

YAY EUROVISION TONIGHT

Oh yeah. The event of the year (so far!)

Its Eurovision tonight!!

I love that show. Because I have sky plus I record it and watch it about 45 minutes after the start... that way *wicked cackle* I can fast forward all the junk and that stupid Irish idiot trying to crack jokes all the time. WAKE UP FOOL. You are the joke!

I don't know why he slags off every entry... if he doesn't like the job.. resign!! I would do it in a blink!!

I know its tongue in cheek, but there IS a limit.

So, I am off to work now. I have 4 pupils this morning, scattered across the shire. One of them is a new pupil who got mucked around by her last teacher.. so we shall see. Normally there is a reason why teachers muck their pupils about.... normally to get rid of them! Hope this isn't the case and it really is that she was just a doddery old lady who was getting senile.

Back soon peeps.

Oh, and I am not hungry this morning. At all. Go figure.

The Alli Diet Pill Marketing Blitz

You'll be hearing all about Alli everywhere soon. This diet pill is going to be advertised heavily this year. Over 150 million dollars will be spent in just one year to promote this drug. That would buy quite a few celebrity endorsements. It's the first diet pill drug to be approved for sale over the counter, without needing a prescription.

See the New York Times article about the Alli advertising promotion by GlaxoSmithKline.

Alli works by preventing the body from absorbing some of the fat one eats. This could have some very uncomfortable side effects if one eats too many fats.

Tired, bored and not feeling very slim

Hi all,
Finally I am able to post! Did a minesweeper and found loads of junk on my PC from where DS has been playing games. It totally slowed the whole thing down and kept crashing. Thanks to 'spybot search and destroy' its got rid of all the spyware.

Anyway, I didn't have much to write... getting ready for the holiday and buying lots of things.

My clothes I ordered from La Redoute have still not arrived and I am really wanting to try them on. I don't have much time left to get something else if they don't fit!

I am in a bit of a grump today. The weather is horrid. It rained all night long, which will help the new grass seed, but everything was wet and horrible this morning. I hate brushing past every ones hedges and getting soaked. Some people don't trim their hedges well and when you call on them you have to navigate their huge bush/hedge and get a wet coat, skirt and usually feet too. The drops drip down into your shoes all cold and yuk.

Thankfully today we didn't encounter any big bushy hedges or roaming overgrown paths which was great. Nature is so wild really. Just a couple of weeks is all it takes to make what was trim and beautiful all back to a mess again.

So, this week I have mostly been 'not pleased' with not losing weight last week. I have been trying to keep to a 3 meal a day kind of thing this week. I had readybrek one morning for breakfast and yesterday I had fruit and fibre. Today I have a slice of toast. Lunch has been a bit weird. Wednesday I had a tuna and pasta salad from Tesco. Very tasty. Went down fine.Yesterday I had an egg mayo sarnie from the bakery of which I ate the majority but had to leave the last corner as I knew if I ate any more I would puke. So I stopped well before the pain/water and saved myself that agony. Today I haven't had anything yet... but I think I will have beans on toast or something similar.
We have had WFF meals for our evening meals which are calorie controlled and nutritionally balanced so did ok there.

I just feel un-slim and bleugh.

I have got to go to work later on, so I will update my blog after I get back.
I have posted my 3 month post lap band photo on the Photo Gallery... You can then see the successive changes that are being made by each months weightloss. I can see a difference from post surgery to now, and even though I only lost 3 pounds last month, I think my body shape has definitely changed for the better from the last photo. At the end of the day, its what I look like that is important, not what the scales say I am.

Anyway, hoping to feel a bit slimmer later.

*UPDATE*
Well the clothes arrived from La Redoute and EVERYTHING fits!! how about that... even the 18's!! I am really pleased. Last year the stuff I was wearing on holiday was 24-26. I am thrilled.

Also, just before I went to work, DH made me some cheese on toast. I only had a slice of toast for brekkie today, so I thought I had better eat something. I managed half a slice of toast. I bit into it and it didn't feel good on the way down. I had a few nibbles, and then scraped all the cheese off it because I thought this might not be going so well, but only a few more short chews and I was doubled up with DH having to pat my back like a baby until it passed. The patting really helps. I don't know whether it helps to get the food down, or takes your mind of the pain in the chest, but it certainly works for me. This episode was not productive in any way... no extra saliva or anything, just the excruciating indigestion thing.

DH realised when I needed help. He was in the kitchen talking to me and asked me a question about something. Then DS came up and started piping in as kids do and asking me something like "can I go play with X friend today pleeeeease" and I could not answer either of them. I simply couldn't speak. So DS kept asking me and DH kept asking me and in the end I just yelled "AHHHH Can't talk!!!" and then DH rushed over and started thumping me on the back. It took a good 10 minutes to get it together and tell them that "NO he couldn't play with X" and "Yes, I will be back in time for dinner".

Ahhh the joys of banding.

then this evening, considering the fact that I had had a slice of bread this morning, and half a slice of bread at 3pm, I was not that hungry this evening....
It was Spanish omelette with chips and peas for dinner tonight. As I was putting it on the plate I said to DH: "I don't think this is going to go too well". I was right. I had to stop a third of the way through. I had eaten about half the omelette, half the peas and about 8 chips. I had to stop for quite a while. I then gingerly continued with the omelette but left the chips and peas.

I have just finished my pudding - a small portion of apple crumble and custard. Just to let you know, these puddings come from WFF as well. They come in a microwavable container about the size of a muller corner yogurt. That should give you an indication of the size. When I say small portion... I really do mean small! But why is it that the puddings go down fine? Typical huh.

I think TB and her husband are coming over this evening... DH said something about it earlier. Hope so as I haven't seen my mate for at least 2 days! :o) I am getting withdrawal!! HA HA

Anyway, better go... need to catch up on Home and Away. I love that show, but its not that good at the moment. Need something to spice it up... new characters of something.

The Best Diet: Volumetrics

Consumer Reports has just released the results of their research on diets and diet books. They have awarded Volumetrics the prize for being the best diet plan.

The Volumetrics Eating Planwas developed by Barbara Rolls, a professor in the department of nutritional sciences at The Pennsylvania State University.

The main point behind the Volumetrics Eating Plan is to focus your eating on foods that have fewer calories per bite, or low 'energy density' foods. The idea is to eat lots and lots of fruits and vegetables.

It's been shown that people who eat a low energy diet end up consuming several hundred fewer calories per day than those with a high density diet. Yet they eat a much greater amount of food in total. It's all about feeling full on fewer calories.

In the picture here, the first small dish of macaroni and cheese has more calories than the second much larger portion. The second dish replaces regular pasta with whole-wheat pasta, uses less cheese and butter and piles on the vegetables.

Ricki Lake Loses 125 Pounds

Ricki Lake has lost over 125 pounds. She was on "The View" last week and was offered the cover of US Weekly Magazine within 48 hours of being on the show.

She's lost the weight without any help from any kind of weight loss surgery. She was partially motivated to lose the weight in order to make her documentary about home birth in the tub. She's outspoken about the negative aspects of hospital births and the pressure for women to have cesareans. Cesarean births make up about 40% of births in many hospitals.

She'll be making a cameo appearance in John Travolta's "Hairspray" remake this summer.

Story Source: Ricki Lake Wows the Glossies

Gluten Free Diets are Trendy

Gluten-free diets are becoming increasingly popular.

Gluten is a protein found in wheat, barley and rye. A lot of people consider it a culprit in all sorts of ailments ranging from upset stomachs, arthritis, depresion, acne, infertility and gas. Avoiding all foods with flour products is becoming an increasingly popular dieting trend.

See a good article about this in the New York Times today.

Weigh in time

Went to fat fighters and lost a big fat zero... simply stayed the same.

Came back had a coffee with Travelling Buddy and looked at eBay at this really wicked stuff called tatouage. Its lush. TB has put it on her dining table and it looks so delectable now.

I was thinking about getting some for my bedroom, but I have looked all through it and I think I shall wait and see what is available when I get around to decorating. At the moment, I am tired of decorating and the mess it brings.

Came home and DS was hungry (he must have tape worm) so I made him some soup and soldiers, and I finished off the macaroni cheese I made for last nights dinner. It was YUM. I made a tomato salsa to go with it and it just gives it a little oomph.

We had friends over yesterday that go to DH's badminton club. I hadn't met them before, so we decided to go and see a film together, but spiderman 3 was full and so was bridge to somewhere or other... so we just went back to TB and her hubbie's place and had a coffee with them for an hour or two and then went bowling. G had never been bowling before... but managed a strike on his last ball! Isn't that always the way. R - his girlfriend- thrashed us all, but it was a great laugh. Then they came back to our place and I made macaroni cheese. Sounds a bit lame, but not the way I do it. It had fried onions and breadcrumbs and other stuff in it too. Crispy topping cheese goes down a treat with a nice mug of tea.

I was a little surprised at how much I was able to eat. I had a normal size plate full and then when we went to bed I had another bowl full. I have just finished the rest off for my lunch, and it was quite a lot. I hope this fill is still working. Its got to be hasn't it??

Its possible that pasta may not be a problem for me and maybe i should keep clear of it a little.

Ho hum.
Will update this later no doubt.

Well, here I am again updating. I just spent an awesome amount of time looking at this website called www.funnyjunk.com which must be where all those random emails come from with the funny videos on.

Anyway, today has been a bit of a waste of time. Considering it was a day off before going back to work tomorrow, I could have done something more profitable. However, I went to bed at about 1pm and got up at 7:30pm Terrible.
I just don't know why I am so shattered ALL the time.

Dinner tonight was a WFF meal - quorn and sweet potato curry which I love. But I didn't finish all of it. I did however eat a pudding after than so I don't think it was because of restriction.

I don't think I have as much restriction now as I did at the start of this fill... probably due to swelling that has obviously gone down.

I feel a bit ill to be honest... sick and eugh.

Anyway, that's it.
Night night

I couldn't have my Lap Band operation now!!

I am surprised I hadn't thought about it before, but my BMI is now too low to have the lap band operation! That's extremely encouraging to know!
You have to have a BMI of over 35 to have the lap band with co-morbidity or over 38 otherwise.

So with a BMI of 34.7 and no co-morbid diseases... like diabetes or something... I would be turned away with my cash in my pocket.

I am also only 1 single tiny weeny stone heavier than my husband!!!!!!
That is a SERIOUS revelation in itself. He refuses to believe that he is 15 stone and something, but lets face it... the scales don't lie for me... so honey... guess you are gonna have to face facts.

I have never been lighter than him... well except for the fact that when he was 6 I was still a baby, so yeah ok at some point I have been lighter... but since I have known him in the last 11 years, I have always been a stone heavier than him. He was around 12 and a half stone when I met him and I was just over 13... So I am now ONLY 3 stone heavier than when I met him.

These are like my little milestones. I don't really have 'goals' per se... but things like "I'm only a stone heavier than you now honey" are really boosters.

Lets face it at one point I was 19 stone 2 and he was 14 and a half... that's 4 and a half stone heavier than him!!!! That's terrible. As it is, I think DH looks great. Yeah he has a bit of a beer belly, but its not awful. He is stocky and beefy and muscly and I love him. Now I always think he looks fine in whatever he wears... so if I surpass his weight (on the lowering side of things!) then I should be able to feel much better about myself in what I wear.

I must admit its a bit of a head messer.

Losing weight and 'becoming' this new person does really weird things to you. I don't feel like the real me any more... I kind of don't feel normal. I have only lost 23.5 pounds, so I just don't know how I will feel when I have lost say... 40lbs? How will that feel?

I bought a new swimsuit today. I ordered 2 on the Internet... most of my shopping comes from the Internet as its just so much easier, but they were not at all right. They didn't fit right and looked horrid. I ended up buying the costume that I thought would look awful on me, and it looked great! That's a really boost too. The costume I bought today would have looked grim 23.5 lbs ago, but now it looks sleek and nice. I am well pleased. The other two were more 'safe' choices and they kind of looked old fashioned on me.

So I am a happy bunny.

Today I have also had an eBay spend-up.

I have bought a bikini top and a sarong. There is no way I would bare all in a bikini outside the bedroom, but with a sarong it will be nice. I don't want to scare the sun in after all!

I have also bought DS some trainers, a kangaroo poo hoody for the evenings. I find you get nippy after being in the sun... I don't know if its the same in Sri Lanka, but he has it just in case. got loads of other stuff for the holiday too, but only spent £50 so was very pleased with self.

Right, today's food.
All has been well in band land, and I have behaved myself. I didn't have any breakfast as I didn't get up until 12:30pm anyway. Then we fiddled about doing bits and bobs and then I put the dinner on - another WFF meal. Braised beef in a rich sauce with broccoli, mash and swede. YUM YUM YUM. So tasty it is untrue. Then I had lemon sponge and custard for pudding also from WFF. They are really nice, and because its a single portion you simply can't eat too much. FAB!
Then we went to the city and got the swim suit.. and when we came back I had some Finn Crisp crackers and humous. Mmmmm I am still full... so I wont be having any more tonight, but I am about to sink a glass of wine and kick back.

I wanted to play Sims.... but I cant find the disc. We uninstalled it the other month and now I cant find it. Boo Hoo. I really love The Sims.

Anyway, that's all for now. My Mum and Dad are off to the Dom.Rep. tomorrow morning, and when they get back, we go away! Crazy! So next time they see me I should have shrunk a bit more!! Hurrah!

Kate Moss Clothing on eBay

The Kate Moss for Topshop clothing collection was just launched last week in the U.K. and Paris and quickly sold out. It looks like a lot of people who bought the items were thinking of profiting by reselling them on eBay. There are now over 3,500 items on auction at eBay.

The Kate Moss collection is available in British sizes 6 to 16. This converts to US sizes 2 to 12. Notice thee is no size zero available, which is a good sign for not encouraging sickly skinniness. On the other hand, anyone who is American size 14 or higher is out of luck if they want to wear the Kate Moss label.

See the very few size 16's, (American size 12's) being auctioned at eBay today.

See a video of the launch of the Kate Moss Topshop clothing collection here. It's a very skinny Kate Moss in a long red dress briefly flipping her hair in the Topshop storefront window.

Bathroom finished...& No Lap Band problems at KFC

Well here it is.

All that is left to do is put up the venetian blind and get rid of the horrendous grout haze. Also the walls could do with another lick of paint thanks to our friends the tilers and the grouty sponges.

You can see the colours of the tiles behind the sink... well the ones on the right hand wall should be the same, but the tilers went over them again... ARGHH this means I have to once more scrub them until my hands bleed. However, as they were walking out of the door with my cash saying "Yeah, sorry about that love... nothing you can do with these matt finish tiles other than scrub 'em" and smirking, little do they know that I have bought a bottle of sulphamic acid to aid me with this problem... *wicked cackle*

Do you like the granny curtains around the sink and bog? It was the best I could do. It has 2 layers of ballerina tutu material followed by a layer or curtain lining and that's then Velcroed to the shelf and sink itself. Then over the top of that I used a dark grey shimmering voile, ironed it into box pleats with wonder web and whacked that up there as well.

It doesn't look so bad now the bath panel has been cut to size and is back in place and the granny curtains are there to tone the cream and grey horror. It looks 100% better now its all grouted too.

All that is left to do now is live with it. Its not too horrible, but God knows how long the curtains will last because I was being Bob Bodge-It's ugly sister when I was doing it.

Ho hum... better than a hole in the ground.

We went to KFC after picking DS up from Stagecoach (drama school) and I opted for the salsa toasted twister meal. I drank my orange juice first and I very very very slowly ate my twister. I didn't finish all of it, and I have about 6 chips. I didn't get any problems what so ever which was a massive relief.

I am about that have chicken and mushroom pie with veggies for my tea and then we are off bowling. I got 3 strikes last time so I will probably be proper rubbish today. I think that was one of those once in a life time events to be honest.

Foods that make me puke

This will be updated regularly as I discover new foods that make me puke or 'PB' (Productive burping)

Please note that these have caused me grief when I have eaten them 'as is' i.e. not with a sauce or whatever.

1.) Sandwich
2.) Fishcake
3.) Chips - each time I have had them!!!!!!! No more!
4.) Sausage
5.) dry lamb style grill (quorn)
6.) Bagel (plain)

Feeling thin

Today I have been mostly feeling thin.

There was a slight blip when my new swimming costume arrived from Bravissimo. It was £55. That is LOT of money for a cossie. It looked like crud.

I have noticed that my arms are saggy underneath - definitely Gala Bingo wings. But also I have saggy thighs. This is AWFUL. I am going to be this person under a huge amount of saggy, stretched corrugated flappy skin.

You will see what I post my 2 month photo next Wednesday.

But, It has made me look at the positives... I wanted to lose weight, and I can see that I am. I am just getting another new problem to add to the old one. More walking for me.

Anyway, here is a picture of the crackers I love. Great with humous (Tesco's spelling... personally that's how I thought you spelt manure!?).

The bathroom tiling is now complete. They came this afternoon and finished it. I have ordered the grout haze gel to get rid of the urr... grout haze. Its basically sulphamic acid. Sound like fun!

So tomorrow I will make the curtains (like old people have in their homes around a little vanity basins - usually floral with lace) Oh Joy.

*Update*

Today's food.

Breakfast: 1 slice of bread

Lunch: Chicken Tikka Masala (WFF meal)

Dinner: Cheese and pickle sandwich and ginger sponge and custard.

Lap Band 'Productive Burping Incident' Alert

**Cheese and Pickle Sandwich Fiasco**

The cheese and pickle sandwich ended up being mostly thrown up, so I can't quantify how much I acutally ate. I didnt eat any of the crusts... so thats just the middle bit and I was sick 3 times after eating it. So not very much I guess. Dry stuff SO does not agree with me.

Can't be bothered to keep counting

I have decided that I am not going to bother with the whole "x weeks + x days " thing any more.
Its boring me.

I remember when I had DS - "He's 3 days old!"

"Oh, yes he's 6 weeks now"

"Oh yeah, hes 4 months now."

"Yes he is a big boy. Hes nearly 2 now you know!"

etc

etc

As kids grow up we dont say "Oh yes hes 4356 days old today!" do we?

So I am going to be 2 months banded next Wednesday, so I think I am just going to keep track like that from now on. I have progressed as it were. It also means that I will have to give a more enlightening title to my daily piece... and maybe more people might read it. Who knows?

Today has been bleeeeugh

I didn't actually get up until 2:30pm. DS had been doing whatever all day and I felt terrible when he came up and said "Mummy, can I please have some lunch" What a terrible mother. So I got up and we had no bread, so I made us a hot dinner. I felt so tired though. Doing the garden has really taken it out of me. I have absolutely no energy.

DH came home at about 4:00pm and I went back to bed I must admit. I wanted to go to the meeting this evening, so I wanted to feel at least a little better. He let me sleep till 6:30pm and then woke me. I still felt awful, but actually maybe too much sleep makes you feel worse...? I dunno.

I went to the meeting with DS at 7:00pm. I felt grim all through the first half, but the second half I perked up and I was not feeling too bad at all by the end.

I am feeling tired now, although how that is possible, seeing as I've had 18 hours sleep in the last 24, is beyond me.

Today's food has been diabolical. I am really not in the zone at all. I am pining for my old comfort eating. I feel sad about something, I am not sure what, and I just want to resort to type, but I can't. Today I have had a quorn and sweet potato curry, a mini ice cream and 5 ginger biscuits.
Somebody help me. I feel so depressed about eating that. My guilt is driving me insane.

I feel so low, and sluggish. I think I need to get out of the house a bit more and do some exercise, but its a vicious cycle. I just don't feel like it, but I know if I do do it, I will feel better.

I am not sure If I told you that we are having our bathroom tiling finished off... Well the floor tiles are TOTALLY wrong. I hate them. The company that made my beautiful tiles on my walls have gone bust and I could not get the Planets range in Jupiter any more. I could only get Planets in Mercury. Jupiter is a lovely blend of 1 and a half inch mosaic tiles on a sheet with about 5 different colours... all are anti-slip and matt. They are so nice. One of the colours is a kind of grey beige colour, so I ordered Mercury, because it looked the same as this colour. When the delivery driver dropped the new tiles off, I looked at them in the box and they looked fine. It wasn't until I went upstairs and half of them were laid on the floor that I realised what a complete mess up I had made. they are not the same. They are grey... Mercury... suggests the fact huh? So now I have a freaking cream bathroom suite with mocha and cream walls and all kinds of browns and plums and warm autumn tones and a horrible grey clinical hospital floor.

I am devastated. I was so devastated that it made me ill and I could not work yesterday.

That seems such a dramatic thing to do, but honestly it really really damaged me. I spent so much time and effort choosing that bathroom and its been ruined by me too. I should have gone with a completely different tile. What an idiot I am. I will have to live with it. Its cost so much money to look so crap.

Don't get me wrong, its a lovely tile, and with a white bathroom suite and stainless steel and glass fittings and that kind of stuff it would look lush. But I don't have those. I have antique pine skirting and trim and antique pine accessories. It all looks C R U D together.

Well its done. But its left me feeling sick as can be.

I have never felt like this before. I think its because I had such a high expectation.

Writing this is cathartic though. It enables me to get all my grief out and free myself up.

Thanks for listening everyone. I know that its a small deal really in comparisson to other peoples lives. I should be greatful for what I have. Its just that I made a mistake. I hate that.