Feeling a much better

Hi all....

I am feeling a lot better.

I think I needed to get a few things off my chest lately and last night DH and me went to bed early and had a massive chat and cuddle and I vented my spleen big style. He is always there for me and I love him to bits. He listens to me shout and rant about this and that and calms me down and makes me see that its not me, it really is unfair and that it doesn't matter about anyone else because he loves me and we have each other.

He is so definitely my better half.

Anyway, we had the most smashing evening lying there chatting and stuff and I went to sleep feeling completely clear in heart, soul mind and body.

I had a nice sleep, even though I was still wide awake at 3am and woke maybe 5 times during the night... Funny that sometimes you don't need a long deep sleep to satisfy you. It felt nice to keep waking gently and see him there sleeping and I felt safe and secure in everything. then I would turn over again and doze off and then repeat the whole thing a few more times until I woke completely feeling young and vibrant before the alarm and bounced out of bed.

Funnily enough, I really do think my weight gain has been totally down to *star* week and fluid retention because this morning, as I jumped on the scales with optimism they gleamed back at me with 16stone 4. That's half a pound less than my lowest ever... so I think what ever I was holding on to is now gone. That means that I should have a nice result when I go for my weigh in next Monday which will be the last one before the holiday. It will be nice to be under that 16 stone zone, but I know I have to chill out.

Helen left me a great comment on my blog. I asked her to tell me what kind of things she ate and how she was feeling etc...

One thing that stood out to me in what she said was:

"one thing you really need to keep in mind is that your pouch only holds 8 ounces maximum...and if you keep stretching it out, you'll have to have another surgery."

Now I have never been told this... but it seems that every bandit is given differing advice; There doesn't seem to be anything that is set in stone for definite.

So if this is what Helen has been told, and I am pretty sure that I have heard in other places a similar account, I have not been consuming too much food.

When I eat, I don't eat more than 8oz.

Yesterday when I had two bowls of cereal we (travelling buddy and I) were sitting there lamenting my lack of weight loss and I said "How come I have been able to eat that much?" and she said "Well maybe when its all chewed up and mashed together it is less than you think...?"

I gave this some consideration after Helen's comment.

Now, for any of you who still don't think I am crazy, this will most likely confirm your suspicions..... I know its a waste, but I had to do it...

Here are the two bowls of cereal

Here are the two bowls of cereal in my little blender...

Here are the two bowls of cereal blended roughly (i.e. chewed) in a measure....

For the benefit of those who can't see.... this has made just over half a pint of mush. There are still quite a few large chunks of stuff in there, but basically it has the same consistency as cereal chewed and spat out.

this is therefore 10 ounces of food. Now, this was the first time I had ever eaten 2 bowls of cereal straight off the bat like that.... So that tells me that a big bowl of cereal, even If I over filled the bowl would not be more than 8 oz.

This has made me happy. My meals are less that 8 oz too. Definitely.

So why am I not losing weight as fast as say... Helen? I dunno. But looking at what she eats, she doesn't eat very much at all (see her comment on yesterdays post) so I think probably she has a different and tighter band than me. I have read her blog often enough to see the difference in her pb'ing and eating patterns and there is a vast difference between hers and mine.

So she has enough restriction, and I have restriction..... just not quite enough....yet!!!!

this is where these blogs and chat sites really help. Dr. Clayson could not allay my fears. Helen could. It could have been anyone but they have to know what you are going through.

***A big THANK YOU to Helen!!! ***

I am losing weight. I have to look at the bigger picture. I am so bad at not doing that.

I am 20 pounds lighter than I was 3 months ago. That's great!

So even if I lost half a pound a week, its still the right way.

I WILL get to my target and Helen will get to hers.

Erika and I seem to be following much more similar routes... I have to keep in mind that we are ALL different.

I feel much more positive.

Thanks for bearing with me and I am sorry if I have been horrid and petulant.

Love you all!