brrrrrrrr

Kak day.
cals = 900

3x banana's
1 x bowl pea soup made by TB with half a slice of bread
1 x chicken dopiaza from tesco
6 finn crisp dipped into jam

I ate my tea at 10pm this evening when I got home from work. I ate it all. Go figure. then I still felt hungry and had some finn crisp thins with jam. Am I getting too good at this chewing lark, or is the band always this fickle?

I mean...take this afternoon - I had pea soup at TB's and the little bits of bread I was chewing to death stuck a little bit even with soup so I had to go slow, then this evening I ate a whole microwave meal.

There isn't a phrase to describe how I feel at the moment, but kak sort of gets near.

I keep thinking somethings gonna go wrong, or that its not going to work in some other way or ANYTHING. I feel like this life sucks right now and I am just waiting for it all to come crashing down. I dread most of all that this band is going to go wrong again or that somehow I just wont get any restriction because I am useless. I think I am beginning to feel the effects of the lack of food. I feel quite down this evening even after this afternoons escapades to try and cheer ourselves up - which were quite frankly MADCAP and straight out of the Circus Big Top!

I didn't go to work for my first 6 pupils. I rang DH and told him to cancel them and then went to TB's to try and cheer myself up. We had a good old chat, and then started mucking about as usual. TB's daughter put on a red beret and red leather gloves and an overcoat and drew a curly French style moustache on herself with eyeliner. It looked hilarious.

I then made myself some really arched and grim eyebrows. then I put a load of lipstick on all around my mouth like it was really badly done. Then I over exaggerated my lip outline with black eyeliner and filled them in completely with bright red lippy and put two spots of rouge on and a beauty spot! I looked like a drag queen.

Then we all got in my car and drove to the local shop to buy a Terry's Chocolate Orange but they didn't have one, so we bought orange matchmakers instead.

It really did cheer me up but I am 31 for goodness sake. How long can I go about being a complete and UTTER idiot just to make myself feel better? It was like I was 18 again at college or something.

All that without a drop of alcohol! I know I am actually a complete head case, but I am glad I can be *totally random* sometimes.

We stopped off at home and showed DH our mad crazy get up which he thought was hilarious, and what do I find...? MY SON HAS A MASCARA MOUSTACHE AND BEARD ON AS WELL!!!!!!!!!! How funny is that. My own son was feeling in the mood to be weird too. I am sure some psychoanalyst would have a field day with our family. We are all as batty as fruitloops.

Then I took all the rubbish off my face and went and did 2 piano lessons.

Anyway, I am really cold so I am going to bed.