OK, I am a blithering idiot

Geee, why do us mortals stress out so much.

I was feeling so crap I cancelled work (thanks for the message Tina, and yes I do know what you mean about felling better after I have gone, but I just couldn't face it today).

Then I went to bed with a bowl of noodles.

Then I had to get up and go and be sick in the bathroom because they got stuck! Not a bad one this time, but I just didn't chew it properly.

So the band IS working. I know I am a stupid fusser but I am so stressed out and worried that after all the problems I have had something is BOUND to go wrong again. Why? Because of the law of Sod.

But, it would seem that I do still have everything intact, connected, joined or whatever. I guess its just gonna be a little bit like this for me for now. I am scared that it will come apart again to be honest, and I don't know what I would do if I had to go through that again and all that pain.

So today's food has been 1 banana and a bowl of noodles. The choke was really small so I continued with the noodles and chewed properly and slowly ate and everything is fine.

Maybe, shock horror, I have managed to learn how to eat properly with this band and am starting to master the texture the food has to be before you swallow it. If that's the case I am actually quite pleased with myself. I think today's lesson with the noodles proves that.

So I am not feeling quite so rubbish. I have started taking vitamins again as I had not bothered doing that for ages, but I am not really taking much food on board now, so I think I should supplement it some how. I am also finding that I am looking about for food to eat. Fruit is good, but I cant seem to do apples that well. It just takes too damn long to chew them up, and I certainly cant be bothered to peel the things. That's just too much faffing to be doing with.

So I think weetabix are going to become my hole filler. I have decided that I am going to go and see the new fill guy Dr. De Bryune on 15th January whether I need a fill or not. Just simply to get a check up and see if he is going to actually give a fig. I am paranoid that I wont find anyone who gives a damn. I am putting my life in their hands at the end of the day, and I think I have been too trusting simply because they have a D and an R at the beginning of their name. They are human at the end of the day. So I need to know that they are on the ball, interested and going to be interested in ME as a person too.

So crisis avoided. Sleep and noodles works wonders.

Today's food:
Banana
packet of Noodles
Chicken korma and pilau rice (tesco)
total cals = 1150 (most of that was the korma good grief!)

Yesterdays food was quite a lot = 1226 (after taking off cals burnt in exercise)
cheese and pickle sandwich
kitkat (4 fingers)
3 nagiri sushi
1/4 plate Japanese fried noodles
prawn dansak
rice (half carton)
bottle of wine

I think this is a lot considering the amount of food I have eaten recently, but there we go. Looking at it like this it doesn't seem very much actually!! The bottle of wine was the killer. I just needed a drink after travelling to London and back on the train. *shudders* It was good to be with my sister and DS though. Shame we didn't accomplish anything more than sore feet and blisters, the knowledge that DS would rather chew his own arm off than eat sushi and that the Russian consulate is dumb.

I thought it was hysterical to flag down a taxi outside the Russian Consulate and ask them to take us to the nearest sushi bar though!! HA HA HA HA