Wanting to trust but just can't quite go the whole distance

Yesterday I decided to just get on with it and keep going.
I walked 3 and a half miles (1 hours) and then biked home (20 minutes) and was well pleased as I got in through the front door, got changed and then went immediately back out to work again until 10pm. I got home and had a jacket potato with beans and cheese (counted before you ask!! HA HA)

So yesterday's food consisted of:

Quaker Oats real fruit porridge - 2 servings
5 apples
jacket potato
baked beans
30g cheese
2 glasses of vino.

Not bad.

Today I am going to update later... so keep posted. I am in the middle of cooking, and I shall explain the title above later on... How thrilling, bet y'all cant wait!

**Update**

Ok, so its today and I got up and had to take Mina to college. Then I did a tesco shop and used Dad's £49 worth of vouchers - cheers Dad!
I hadn't eaten anything and it was 11am. I then had a breakdown and succumbed to a Kellogg's rice crispies square.

We got home and I had a call from TB... she has been cut off from the Internet for like EVER, and was re connected by her provider, but needed help getting it all back up and running. So I popped round there. Hassle after hassle ensued, and it was not working (poxy Virgin changed all the passwords and stuff and never bothered to tell them! Obviously the name Virgin is a good name for them as they simply don't know how to do anything!) So I ate half a tub of houmous and 10 Finn Crisp thins for my lunch whilst there.

When I came home I was dithering about feeling 'spacious'. That's all I can describe it as. I don't even know if that describes how I was feeling, but pretty vacant and empty in the head. So I thought I would grab a little nap. I grabbed another rice crispie square on the way up the stairs :o( ooops

Anyway, when I got up I felt a lot better, and I prepared dinner. I made BBQ but in the house! Corn on the cob, chicken goujons with a crispy coating (bbq sauce then rolled in breadcrumbs and fin crisp crumbs. well lush), also baked new potatoes, baked red peppers and a helping of coleslaw. It was well yummy.

Apparently I have today had 1400 cals. Now this is the reason for my post title. I feel so full and treated with the squares etc that I feel like I will put on weight, and certainly not like I will lose, or even be underneath my calorie intake for the day, but there we go. So I am not totally trusting it at all, although I have double checked and the entries on the daily plate are correct according to my packages.

So today's food:
kellogs rice crispie square x 2
3 slices of chicken with bbq sauce and crumb oven baked
1 corn on the cob
half long red pepper baked
4 baked baby new potato's - yes the tiny ones
50g of coleslaw
3 glasses wine - so far (will be a hell of a lot more than that I can tell you - see below)

Why can't I trust that I am doing ok...

Why is it that if I feel good then I think i must have shagged my diet?

Why is it that I cant just eat pigging normally and not get a stupid guilt trip?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh

Ok, diet talk over.

I am having a F***ING crisis.
I am absolutely totally and completely annoyed with Mina.

She is so stupid its untrue. She is being mentally abused by her boyfriend and is willing to ditch her college, her job and everything else (life!) for this w***er who messes with her mind.
I can be bothered to go into all the things 'My Ricky' has done, but its amazing in such a short time.

She is at this moment out down the shop to get fags because she cant deal with the situation I put before her.

I cant be bothered to go into long details as its too DAMN tiring, but she is messing us about and I am fed up being taken for a soft touch.

I told her tonight that we needed a little chat. I said that I was fed up with her just taking time off whenever she felt like it, and expecting lifts to college and back to the City at the weekends and stuff and that she needed to choose. Did she want the job or did she want to go back to 'My Ricky'... today.

Well funnily enough she didn't want to go immediately. I pay for her college in leau of her pocket money for cleaning. So if she wanted to walk out of the door right now, then she would owe me about £125 as I pay by direct debit. Hey I am a nice person right and I will do anyone a favour if they show me some respect. I actually think i must be a flaming moron. I am just being taken for granted.

She says to DH this evening (whilst he is picking her up after college as she missed her lift home) that she was going to have to talk to me as she needs (yeah NEEDS) to go to a Sex Pistols concert in London on Thursday night, and obviously she should be working. DH was fuming and told me I was being taken for a mug.
He said nothing, just mentioned to me that that will NOT be happening.

I know you guys don't know our lives, or the ins and outs of our daily life, but we are more than fair ok. I know some people who mess people about and use their aupairs as slaves and stuff, but we really don't. She has one damn good life living with us and she wants for nothing - and yes, I know that of course I would say that, but I really am being straight up.

She took 2 weeks randomly off last week just - because. No reason other than 'My Ricky' wants to play with her mind. Its a case of he says jump, and she asks how high would he like that jump to be.

Anyway, I was fuming, but went off to the meeting anyway, and on the way as I am telling J, who I take every week, about it all, DS pipes up with "Yeah Mummy, and she said to me "If I could just pay your parents what I owe them I would do it and go home." "

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I MEAN --- WHAT???

I dropped J off at the meeting and turned the car round.

I got home and immediately sent DS to play PS2. I called her in for a chat and I was right. It is Ricky putting pressure on her. The poor girl doesn't know which way to jump. Its horrible. she doesn't want to leave us because she owes us money - even though I actually said to her "I actually cant handle this any more Mina, if you want to go, then go now and we shall forget all about the money you owe us or stay and make sure you work a full week."

Can you believe it! She turned down walking away and not having to repay £125 and is still here thinking about it.

I really think she doesn't actually want to be with the guy, but cant bear to take the jump into the unknown.

I have no idea whats going on with her, and I cant make the decisions for her, I cant really advise her because I know its pointless.

All I need to know now is whether she is going to stay and I can rely on her, or whether she is going and then I can get cracking on finding someone new.

ahhhhh
Exhausted.