Lovely

Hi there people,
Thanks for all your support. I guess I cant just put a statement on this blog and not explain :o)

Yeah, at the moment me and the band are not friends. I don't know whether its a head thing or what, but something ain't right. I don't seem to feel the way everyone else with a band feels.

My band wont let me eat anything half decent until at least 8pm. I spend most of my day starving hungry and only able to 'eat' liquids. When I get to the end of my tether I make some mash potato or something and try and eat it in nibbles, but it more often than not comes right back at me... this can go on for hours until the magic 8pm watershed and then all of a sudden I can finish the whole bowl off.

Then its bedtime and I know the whole rigmarole will start again the next day.

Some people suggest that my band is too tight. Well, I am sorry, but its not. I have been down the 'take some out' road with disastrous effect many times. They take out a bunch of saline and I spend maybe £400 getting it all topped up to the right point again... but staggeringly THAT POINT NEVER COMES!

I am not joking. I can be wide open and able to eat a whole pizza... go for a fill and be able to eat half a pizza, go for another fill and be able to eat 1/4 then another one and I suddenly can't eat anything, then I go back and have another tiny bit out (less that was originally taken out) and I can eat a whole flaming pizza again!!!!!!!!!!

This farce has got to end. I am so hacked off with my band I can't begin to describe it.

Couple that with the fact that I have had the operation twice and it still ain't working...

Obviously people are going to read this and think "well, if you eat pizza then...Pheph!" But I am just using it as an example. I actually cook all my food from scratch. I eat organic (heniously expensive) meat and veggies and limit oil etc etc.

The killer for me is actually the hellish nightmare BAND! Because I cant eat like a normal human being I actually feel my mood slide during the day and I feel like getting out the aspirin, a carving knife and a needle and thread and sorting the blasted thing out once and for all. It gets to 8pm and I am exhausted at the effort needed to eat. Every bite is a torture and I am fed up with it - then i grab chocolate and crap and sit in a puddle of dispair and self loathing feeling the pits of the deepest darkest prehistoric stinky swamp for eating rubbish.

I was 18 stone when I had this thing done 2 and a half years ago, and now I am 16 stone 9.

I am tearing my hair out and to be honest I think I would be better off without it. Like everyone, I was prepared to put in the hard graft, but I have been grafting for 2 and a half years and getting nowhere. Most of you who have struggled the same amount of time have actually lost loads of weight and life is looking great. My life is the exact same because every day I get on the scales it reminds me that I pissed £4500 down the toilet. I wish I had never bothered.

That's gonna annoy anyone off right?

Abuse and correct at will my freinds... somethings got to work.