I could have been at goal by now. I would have been at goal if I'd stuck to my plan. I should be at goal. It's been eighteen months since I started at 240 pounds.
8/15/09 weigh-in: 164.6 lbs.
Gain since lowest weight on 2/19/09 (154.6): +10 lbs.
Loss since 2/19/08: -74.6 lbs.
I guess I do have a few regrets about the last couple of months, but what can I do except move forward. There's no looking back except to maybe learn from past mistakes.
The fact is that I have to constantly be on guard. I have to watch what I eat, and unfortunately, I have to always be a little bit hungry. It's a sad fact of my life but one I have to accept if I want to be at a healthy weight.
I rode my bike to Weight Watchers this morning and burned 398 calories roundtrip. Such an easy and fun way to get in my cardio. I absolutely love riding my bike. Makes me feel like a kid and doesn't feel like exercise at all.
I tried a different route home today on a side trail and found a prize. A huge patch of untouched blackberries and no people. I picked about a quart in ten minutes (plastic bag for a container so they got a little squished). I had a blackberry smoothie when I got home. Yum!
The meeting today was awesome. It was like it was tailored for me and my food issues. Our leader, Janice, is a kick. LOVE HER! Today I even went up to her after the meeting and told her I love her. She always gets me thinking about stuff, about how I can fix myself.
Today the topic was "Controlling Cravings". It couldn't have been more perfect for me. She listed four ways to do this:
Deflect it, Fake it, Feed it, Face it
Then she went into the whole re-framing thing which I've heard a million times at Weight Watchers and have always thought, yeah, whatever. Today it hit home. I think I get it.
Janice said let's say you have a problem and you frame it. For her when she was younger she had five children. They stressed her out. So at night when the kids went to bed she said it was her time to be comforted. Her comfort was eating big bowls of ice cream. The ice cream was her frame around the problem of being stressed out with her kids. It comforted her.
When she started Weight Watchers her leader said, what is the one behavior you know will not get you to your healthy weight? Janice knew it was her ice cream habit. She decided she had to try something different to comfort herself.
She tried a few things but what finally worked for her was she'd buy a People magazine and put it aside for her stressful nights. Then after the kids were in bed she'd get out her People, make a big mug of sugar-free, fat-free hot chocolate, with a dollop of cool whip, and savor her magazine and hot chocolate. This worked for her and she never went back to eating the ice cream.
She also said don't ever feed a mood with food, because you'll never eat enough to feed it. Food isn't your friend. A rather profound statement.
I know my problem. It's night eating. I'm perfect every day, all day, until about 9pm. Then I just lose it. Suddenly I don't give a hoot about my weight or my health. I get a "fuck-it" attitude and eat anything I can get my hands on. I know what causes it too. Stress on my job, stress in my marriage (yes, we're still working on it...my marriage is always a work in progress).
I need to find a new frame for my stress, something besides food. I don't think the magazine and hot chocolate will do it for me, but maybe. One Lifetimer in the meeting said she was a night eater and what she did was save enough Points for a snack at 9pm. A one or two-Point snack. After her snack she'd brush her teeth and knew she was done eating for the day. She's been at Lifetime since the early nineties. It's certainly worth a try.
My night eating is definitely a problem and something I need to work on. Tonight will be my first night trying something new, something different than raiding the fridge at 9 or 10pm. Wish me luck!
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