It's my party and I'll cry if I want to

Today is my birthday. I'm officially 54 years old. For months I've been saying I'm almost 54 so it doesn't feel like a big shock.

I don't feel like I'm 54. I feel like I did in my twenties, maybe even better now because I didn't exercise much in my early twenties. Back then I was always doing crash diets, trying to lose 10-20 pounds. My goal weight was 125 (I'm 5' 6" and the closest I got to that goal was 127 in my 40's, not realistic). I was kind of an idiot about health. I really wanted to be skinny, not healthy.

I definitely feel smarter about a lot of things in life, and I'm not as shy as when I was younger. I believe in a healthy lifestyle instead of focusing on being skinny. Overall I'm a much happier person now that I was in my twenties. Of course, I didn't appreciate my youth, but then, who does?

I'm still in Tulsa, hopefully heading home tonight. It's been an intensely stressful week. I went to the gym last night, but didn't go inside. Instead I sat in the parking and had a good cry.

I've been practically joined at the hip with my coworker. Breakfast, lunch, dinner together. All day in the lab working through problems. We get along really well, being the same age and the having the same interests (he's a bit of a health nut but loves to eat just like me). We had our first argument last night about a work problem. Not a screaming match or anything like that (I save those for my husband). It was just a disagreement that I could see made him angry. It was totally work related, but it made me feel bad. He's a coworker first, friend second. I'm the project manager, he's the developer. There are bound to be clashes.

After my good cry in the gym parking lot (I need to grow thicker skin) I decided not to work out. The first time this week. I stopped at Walmart on my way home and bought cookies and milk. I ate half a dozen cookies in front of the TV. I woke up this morning feeling much better, but too late for the gym.

I can't wait to go home. I'm tired, I miss my cat and my husband (not necessarily in that order), and I miss my routine. Happy birthday to me.

Oh - my birthday present to myself is going to be roller blades. I've been wanting them forever. Hope I don't fall and break a hip.