I have the power

Since I returned from Edmonton over a week ago I started my late night binging. I've been like an addict that has lapsed and returned to her drug. Sneaking, quietly into the kitchen around midnight, and eating whatever I could find. I've disgusted myself.

During the day I'm the perfect Weight Watcher. Eating very healthy, working out two hours a day of intense exercise. At night I become a different person. It's a sickness.

Last night I was reading the latest issue of US Weekly. I really bought it because Elin and Tiger were on the cover. I can't help it but I'm fascinated by their story. The perfect woman with the perfect face and perfect body, with two perfect children married to what we all thought was the perfect man. As sordid as the story is, I can't stop reading about it.

I digress. Also on the front cover is the Biggest Loser at-home winner, Rebecca Meyer. She went from 279 pounds to 140 pounds. At the start of the article the journalist ask Rebecca "How do you feel?" After saying how fantastic she feels she said something that really struck a nerve with me. She said:

"I realized The Biggest Loser wasn't going to magically "fix" me. They were going to give me the tools to help me change my life forever, but I have the power. I just had to wrap my head around it and do it myself."

I read that one paragraph several times. This was me! Weight Watchers has given me the tools, but no one is going to magically fix me. It's all up to me. I have the power. It's in my control what I eat.

There are a lot of things in my life I don't have the power to control. I can't control my husband (sure, I try, but that's a losing battle). If he's in a bad mood or grumpy, I can't change him (yes, I try, sometimes it works, sometimes not). I can't control our dark, wet weather here in Seattle. It's going to rain and be cold and dark no matter how much I prefer warmth and sunshine. I can't control my job, what projects I get assigned to work on. I'm somewhat powerless in many areas of my life.

The one thing I do have power over is what I eat. I have the power for that one facet of my life. It seems so clear to me now. It's literally like a light bulb went off in my head.

I didn't binge last night. The first night in eight nights. I feel enlightened, like suddenly I "get it".

I have the power. That's my new mantra.