Why I exercise

I'm just about ready to fall into bed. I've been sneezing and sniffling all night, allergies I think so I took a Benadryl. At least I'll be able to sleep. Waking up may be a different matter.

To Anonymous:  thank you so much for the book review on Insomniac by Gayle Green. I just ordered it from Amazon and can't wait to get it. Maybe it'll change my life too!

To Jenni in Seattle (Jenni's Health Journey):  I love your blog and would love to post a comment but for some reason I can't. When I click on post comments it won't let me. I hope you see this!

Why I exercise

I've been thinking about this one for a while, exactly why do I exercise almost every day? If someone asks me I give them the normal reasons, it's good for my health, it helps me lose weight and I can eat more. I feel better, my clothes fit better. All the normal reasons. I never really tell anyone the real reason I feel compelled to climb out of a warm, cozy bed every morning at 4:30am and head for the gym.

It's because I have very low self-confidence. It's something I've suffered from my entire life. I've never felt smart enough, pretty enough, talented enough, funny enough. I've just never felt like I was "enough" of anything good. Even when I was in high school and weigh 135 pounds at 5' 6" I never felt skinny enough (or smart enough or pretty enough or...well, you get the picture).

It's been a life long battle to try to convince myself that I am good enough, but it's a tough thing to make myself believe. That's why I exercise at least an hour a day, at least six days a week.

It's like a little miracle happens to me every day at the gym. I work out hard, I lift fairly heavy weights for a woman. 20 and 25-pound dumbbells, 75 pound lat pulldowns, I go as heavy as I can manage with the weights and do 40 minutes strength, 30-40 minutes cardio. I do three sets of each strength exercise, a minimum of six exercises, upper one day, lower the next. I do crazy cardio workouts, drenching my body in sweat.

While I'm working out I feel completely in control, and I feel a little...well...I'll be honest. I feel like the cool girl. I know it's silly and I know it's "just" exercise, but I'm proud of myself for how hard I've worked the past 2 1/2 years, and how hard I exercise every morning.

It's gives me self-confidence. Not that I think I'm "all that", but I feel like a normal person. It's like hey, I exercise and I exercise hard. If I can do this then I can accomplish a lot.

When I walk into a room full of people now I always stand up straight, shoulders back, head high, eye contact. I use to slunk into meetings at work, barely making eye contact with anyone. When I had to lead a meeting, it was a form of hell. I felt like everyone was looking at me thinking what a fat, lazy slob I was, and that I must be totally stupid to let myself look like I did at 240 pounds.

It's so different now. I feel so different. Having some self-confidence is a new thing to me. And I like it. A lot. So that's really why I exercise and why I'll never stop. The other stuff is just icing on the cake.