Returning to sanity

The last three weeks have wiped me out, mentally and physically. I almost feel like I'm in vegetative state. I feel like if I never moved from this couch for the rest of my life, I would be happy.

I'm thrilled that I'm not working this weekend, which is the first free weekend I had in four weeks. Thursday I worked almost non-stop from 9am until 4am in the morning. Thankfully these type of hours are rare, but when they happen, they're a killer.

Today I've recommitted myself to tracking my food online. I don't know why I make such a big deal about it. It's not difficult, and it only takes a few minutes. By seeing all the food I've eaten in the tracker, it makes me realize I'm not starving to death. My head may be telling me something different, but the tracker tells me something else. I realize I've had plenty to eat. It also helps keep me very aware of whether I'm following the healthy eight eating guidelines, something I've been struggling with lately.

Even though I haven't gone too far off track in my eating, I haven't been getting all the requirements of a healthy diet. Vegetables? Dairy? Healthy oils? No. No. No.

It's been more of a grab whatever is quick and easy. I even went to Jack in the Box a couple nights ago, the first time in at least three years.. My coworker and I were still at the office at 10pm and hadn't eaten since lunch. I got one of their grilled chicken salads, which was just awful.

After I choked down the salad with it's awful low-cal balsamic vinaigrette and two ounces of chicken that tasted weird, I ate some cookies that were in the office (five to be exact). I never eat cookies. I can't even remember the last time I had a cookie before last Thursday. I felt like I was really splurging and being bad.

Sadly they had Macadamia nuts in them. I'm allergic to Macadamia nuts. Wouldn't you know it, I decide to have a couple cookies and they made me so sick I wanted to die. The nauseousness was unbearable. It resulted in me standing over the toilet thinking I swear I'll never eat another cookie! Of course I will someday, but it's going to be a while and if there are any white chunks of anything in them, no way!

It's gorgeous weather here today in the Seattle area. Sunshine and the thermometer in the sun says 82. I'm getting off this computer and riding my bike to the gym for an hour of strength training. I've skipped the gym Thursday AND Friday. I rarely miss two days in a row, but my body just said no way. Can't and won't do it. I felt like my battery was close to dead, and I couldn't use what little energy I had at the gym or I wouldn't make it through the day.

I kind of feel like I've been to hell and back this past month. I'm really looking forward to eight hour workdays, and weekends off. I feel like I've been let out of jail, and have returned to sanity.