'They're coming to take me away'

Ok, please appreciate that I have unbandaged my chopped finger to write this.

My poor little finger lost a portion of itself in an incident with a rather sharp mandolin. I had mixed all the ingredients - 8 eggs, broccoli, spinach & Stilton, and had nearly finished slicing in the 3 onions when SLICH, the top of my finger comes off.

Now friends, what would you do??? Yeah, I just mixed it all up, bunged it into the pastry case and shoved it in the oven and then attended to my gushing finger.

Hey, whats a little meat in a vegetarian quiche right?


So its been in a big old dolly of a bandage for a few days now cos that cut HURTS BAD! It's not like that deep, guessing on the gauge of the mandolin that would be just  2 millimetres, but its so big an area and it keeps bleeding cos it cracks open and stings like I dunno what!

So I was going to update this thing for you and say thank you for the comments of you two ladies and Caroline sent me a lovely point by point (was gonna say blow by blow! HAHA) letter and it really helped so thank you.

I cant say that I feel like I am ready to hit the band land road again or get myself sorted again but I don't feel quite so low and distressed about it.

I think that I need to get myself an aftercare package. I mean that would seem a little bit of a *DOH* moment being nearly 4 years out of surgery, but I never had one. My fills have to be carefully planned as each one costs me £125. I just don't really have £500 spare in a month to get myself to some kind of level of restriction/sweet spot by having tiny fills here and there. I wish I had that luxury and to be honest I think I can get a package for 2 years for about £600 so I think it might be worth it. I would spend that in a year anyway, so it would take the pressure off.

I am also always paranoid about my band not working, breaking blah blah blah and it would be nice to have someone know me, my history and talk to on a more regular basis than just 10 minutes getting jabbed on my couch and adios!

I am going to think about that in the new year.

Current stresses:
1.) I am worried that we wont cover the bills for our shop at the end of the year.
I keep being told by DH that this is totally NOT a problem and there will be plenty of spoil but for some reason its just freaking me out. Maybe I am focusing on this dilemma because I have another stress...

2.) I am awaiting the test results from a skin scrape for Paget's disease of the breast. This is a form of cancer where there are changes to the nipple, and the areola. The symptoms are an eczema type patch, sometimes with oozing (sorry for grossness but after the finger thing, if you are still reading you have either already thrown up your lunch already, or you are not squeamish!). Apparently by the time this shows up you have ductal (milk tube) carcinoma. The doctor took one look at it and said "Hmmm looks like Paget's" and of course I had no idea what that was until I got home and googled it and found

DUN DUN DUN...

A page on the MacMillan Cancer page all about it.

And there was me thinking I had some skin condition (well I still might... right? right????)

Brilliant.

So, currently not giving much of a shit about anything at all. Strangely manically calm - yes I do seem to be able to be very upbeat and carefree in my worrying about the second stress and tragically searching for answers to the first stress at the bottom of a gin bottle!


No seriously... Its not a good time, but I am really oddly coping with it. But I did have a Chinese last night... so maybe that helped!! LOL


Oh yeah, (for Caroline) I totally know which foods to pleasure myself with. Who needs sex when you can have and Indian or a Chinky?? LOL


3.) will we or wont we get on holiday this year? I have spent copious amounts of time looking for cheap holidays. At the moment its looking very likely to be Tenerife, Lanzarote or umm any of the other ones. But I cant book it yet and I am getting stressed thinking that rather than the prices going down, they might actually go up!!!!


I need help lets face it.


To sum up how my life is right now, you can't get much closer than this little gem: