Found that this week it's not been that hard to cook every day and leave all the shite out of my diet. If I am basically happy and not too tired I can manage to cook every day, get inspiration to cook and also, most importantly, not snack/end up puking.
Relaxing when I eat has had a big job to play into being ABLE to eat and essentially my emotional well being.
Contrary to practically every other bandster on earth, I seem to do better when I have my dinner on a plate, late at night, in front of the telly, take 3 hours to eat it and drink whilst doing it.
Yep. this is TOTALLY the 'wrong' way to do it apparently but its been brilliant. I think I have found that this is actually the right way for me.
Every day this week I have had soup for late breakfast and lunch then in the evening made dinner with the family. I give myself a plate of dinner too and sit down with them with it in front of me. I have eaten about 3 mouthfuls by the time they have all finished, so I just shove it in the microwave and then wash up, tidy up, get DS to bed, get a big pot of green tea on the brew and prepare myself.
I put a dining chair next to the sofa, put the pot of green tea on it, a cup and my dinner. Then I switch to my favorite programme with DH and we sit and veg. I slowly enjoy my meal, enjoy my tea, and then its time for bed.
This is absolutely freaking PERFECT for me.
It totally cures the "nibble at nightime" thing I used to have going on.
It totally cures the "I can't eat/ *retch*" situation if I try and eat with the family
It totally cures the "they have nice things to eat and I am deprived" emotional turmoil in my head
It makes me relax, take things slow, wind down, spend quality time with DH(ok that can be debated as it is just TV) and also end the day contented and satiated with a minimal amount of calories.
When I was trying to eat my protein first, trying to eat three meals a day etc... it just didn't work and I would puke and then feel shit and then eat a slider/chocolate that made me feel happy, full but also fatter.
I have never felt that sweet spot in all the 4 years I have had the band, but I think I've wasted a lot of time looking and to be honest I know I have good restriction. I don't feel hungry. Period. If I ate a bite of bread straight off I would vomit. If I eat too quick/don't chew things to death, I have to either:
1.) Stop and wait
2.) continue above + real deep slow breathing for a minute or two (give a slight buzz!! LOL)
or 3.) Puke
I have been scared as a rabbit in the headlights about breaking my band. After it buggered the first time, I have been paranoia central worried about slips and breakage and port rupture etc. I have been so prissy with this thing but using it wrong all at the same time.
If anything it's only this last few weeks since we came back from holiday that I have felt normal. I kind of feel it's OK to be banded. It feels settled, not jerky or sore and I am not scared to eat like I was before in case something got stuck etc. Maybe the easy approach where I just get the fuck on with it is actually the best approach for me.
We shall see.
When we came back from holiday I wanted to get a new bracelet. I had one that my dad found in the street. It was pearls and silver plated beads on elastic and it was really nice. The elastic was getting frayed after a few weeks so I asked for it to be put on wire. It came back from our jeweller on nylon with "this is just as strong" on the bag.
So I wore it, but I really wanted it on silver wire just because it would look better. Anyway after about 3 weeks the bracelet pinged off my arm and showered the car in beads! The little round silver plated beads were very very sharp at the centre as they were made from thin copper and had basically cut through the nylon!
So I gathered up as many as I could and sent them back with a note saying "Obviously not! Put it on WIRE!" on the bag. 6 Weeks later I got it back on some metal wire, which made the whole thing smell like iron or hot pennies and the pattern was wack and some of the beads were even back to front. I think our dog would have made a better pattern match to be honest!
Anyway, although it wasn't the same, I wore it and it was OK I guess, but the ring like clasp they had put on it originally just kept catching on my clothes and whilst we were on holiday it pulled again and the ring clasp pulled all out of shape like a bent paper clip.
I was so disappointed. I had worn it for about 8 weeks out of the 6 months I had had it because of the time it had taken to get it mended (i.e.being for me and not a 'real' customer) so I just took it off and threw it in the wash bag. I said to DH that when we got back I would make a new one from his Pandora style bead supplier Chrysalis.
So I found all my beads and spacers that I wanted:
And they all of together to make this:
The double chin was of course optional!!
I know it's not a typical Pandora style design that I have chosen but its very close to the original bracelet that my dad found only solid silver and larger. I love all those colourful pretty beads but they just don't look right on me. I nearly had one when we first got the Chrysalis in stock, but it just looked wrong. I also don't like the fact that when you have a few beads on they fall to the bottom of your wrist so you can't really see it. I like them all completely filled up with beads so I can enjoy it too not just the table top!
So I am absolutely thrilled with it. They must have thought we were mental when I said I wanted 9 pearl beads, 7 barrel spacers, 16 Swarovsky Chrystal spacers and a just 1 locket charm!
It's so great having our own shop cos there is NO WAY on this earth I would spend £450 on this bracelet. It cost me £125 trade which I did feel a bit sick at but then it is solid silver and pearl. it will last forever unlike the one my dad found on the street by the playing fields at the back of his house.
The old one was so lovely too, but no one claimed it. It wouldn't have cost that much but it was really nice. they took it to the police and put a card in the shop window but no one claimed it after 3 months so it was theirs. I loved it to bits, literally!! I will keep hold of it as I cant bear to just chuck it, and maybe one day if DS has a little girl she can have it to play dress up with me!
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