Happy in Seattle...sort of

Maybe "happy" is an exaggeration, but at least I'm not heartsick. Well, not totally anyway.

My heartsick post stemmed from me losing my two best buddies at work, both in the same week. Next week they're both moving to different teams. They'll still be on the same floor, and they'll still be my friends, but it will be different. Right now I know these two guys always have my back. I won't have that anymore.

Life goes on and since there's really nothing I can do about this situation, I have to get over it. I'm trying my best to stay positive, but it hasn't been easy. In my almost 28 years with my company, I've worked in several different areas and different cities. I've always had at least one and often two or three "best" friends at work. You know the kind of people I'm talking about. The kind where you can vent, and that you can trust 100%. The people that make you laugh when you feel like crying because you're so stressed out on your job. The people that are always there for you. Well, that's gone now. Even as I type this I feel the tears starting again (dammit anyway!).

Of course there will be new people, but I have this really strange feeling that it won't be the same. In fact, I'm positive it won't be the same. There are reasons I can't discuss here, but I know the new folks won't be my best friends, and they won't have my back. Oh well, that's life, right? It's painful to accept, but like I said, it's just the way things roll. It can't be "fixed".

Moving on to the issue at hand
My biggest problem right now (outside of me boohooing about my work situation), is my weight. Another dammit anyway topic. I didn't weigh this morning, but yesterday I was 187.8. Ouch! This is totally not where I want to be, and I don't know how to stop this roller coaster I'm on.

I'm not eating junk, I'm just continuing with eating too much of the healthy foods. It's all healthy. Fresh fruits and vegetables, baked or broiled chicken breasts and fish or shrimp, whole grain bread, Fage 0% yogurt, 2% cheese in very limited quantities (28 grams a day). That's pretty much all I eat, but I EAT TOO MUCH.

Every day starts out great. A great workout at the gym (almost every day, at least I'm still doing this right). A great breakfast, a great lunch, an afternoon snack, usually yogurt and fruit. Even dinner is usually healthy and a small portion. But I'm back to eating at night, late night.

I'm pretty sure this recent stint of night eating is because when I try to sleep I think about work. I can feel myself start to get upset and not wanting to think about it, but I can't shut my brain off. I wind up getting out of bed and grazing, and my grazing usually racks up about 500 calories or more. Last night it was three slices of Dave's Killer bread at 110 calories each (I need to stop buying this stuff because it too good), two bananas  and a cup of 1% milk, then later a giant bowl of fresh strawberries (the best strawberries ever). That's probably about 700 calories that was over my normal approximately 1500 calories. And I had the wise idea to skip the gym yesterday morning.

I really don't know how to get a grip on this out of control eating. I'm not eating junk, but I am eating way too much food. It's making me crazy that I feel so lost and out of control.

I guess "happy in Seattle" should probably have been titled "hopeless in Seattle".