I'm feeling fluffy / 189.0

Feeling fluffy for a human being is NOT a good thing.

I don't wear 189 pounds very gracefully. It's doesn't feel comfortable. I've passed the point where I'm a little overweight, now I'm into the obese category again.

My left knee hurts, I get out of breath easily and my blood pressure is up to hypertension levels (149/ 90--physical next month). I don't like this one little bit. I'm miserable.

I wrote a really bad post Wednesday night. I only left it up for about five hours. Only a few people read it before I got up at 5am and deleted it. As my 14-year old nephew said after he posted something awful on Facebook a few weeks ago (he sounded very angry and depressed)...he said "I'm sorry...that's not me. I didn't mean it." I'm saying the exact same thing.

It's strange how life slaps you up side the head one day, and you just think you're going to die from unhappiness. Sometimes that day turns into weeks. Then one day you wake up and it's like "oh well, that's life. Stuff happens. I'll be okay." That was me this morning. Whatever that thing was that I was going through seems to have passed for now.

My change of attitude came about early today. I had a really good workout at the gym. I didn't want to go, but I had to make myself go to the gym at 5:30am. I've been going, but not as often and not working out as hard as I was a few weeks ago. Today it was different. I felt the old me coming through. The woman that wants to be healthy, and actually gives a damn about her life.

Pretty good day today. Even if I am fluffier than I'd like to be. :)