Desperately seeking perfection

All my life I just wanted to look normal, or so I thought. I told myself if I wasn't fat and was physically fit, then I'd be happy with my body.

Well, as you've probably guessed, I was dead wrong. I'm not fat and I'm very physically fit, probably the most fit I've been in my entire life. Yet I'm still not happy with my body. In my mind "normal" is actually perfection. I want to weigh the perfect weight, have perfect perky breasts, perfect thin thighs, perfect slim hips and a perfect,flat stomach. The reality of it is that my body was never "perfect", not even when I was 21 and weighed 128. My breasts were too small, my hips too wide, and my thighs too chubby. Okay, I did have a perfectly flat stomach, I actually remember being happy with it

I know I'm too critical of myself, trust me, I hear it all the time from you guys, my friends, my husband and even "strangers" at the gym. I'm starting to accept my flawed body. I'll never be a Victoria Secret model or be in Playboy, not that those were ever my aspirations anyway. However, there's one part of my body I'm thinking about changing and it involves surgery, breast augmentation surgery. I know if I'd read this in a blog about a year ago I would have posted a "don't do it!" comment. Followed by, "it's dangerous, it can kill you, are you doing it for a man?".

Honestly, I want to do this for myself. My breasts look fine with clothes and a good bra, but not so good on their own. They've shrunk at an alarming rate and not proportionately to my waist and hips. They're much smaller than they were the last time I dropped 100 pounds. I don't want massive breasts, I just want them in proportion to my hips. This is the gift I'm going to give myself when I reach goal. I want to be the old lady in the retirement home with the perfect, perky boobies.

One other gift I'm giving myself and for which my husband will probably for sure divorce me, is a tattoo. One of my best friends came in to work today and showed me the tattoo she got last night. It's incredibly beautiful. It's runs down her side from her bra line to mid-hip. It's a crane, surrounded by cherry blossoms. Of course it helps that her body is amazing (she's 27), but it's the coolest looking tattoo I've ever seen. I haven't decided what to get or where to get it, but I will get it. So then I'll be the old lady with the perfect boobs and the tattoo (and probably divorced). Heck, you only live once, right?