Sunday update: It' not really a war

I managed to get to the gym this morning. After three days of bed rest and nursing my cold, it wasn't an easy workout. Thirty minutes on the StairMaster and 40 minutes of upper body strength training. I felt weaker than usual, but I got through it.

While I was on the StairMaster I was thinking about my post from earlier this morning, about it being a war trying to stay on track. I insinuated every day is a battle, but that's not really true. Some days are definitely difficult, some days are easier. Sometimes it feels like there's an internal battle of wills going on in my head, eat this but don't eat that, or don't eat at all.

There are times I just want to stop thinking about food, stop thinking about Points, and just let it be. Unfortunately, that type of thinking is what got me up to my highest weight of 245 pounds.

I believe it's wrong to think of this as a war. I can't live in a constant state of battle, fighting with myelf about doing the "right" thing when it comes to food. Constantly condemning myself for making the wrong choice serves no real purpose except to lower my already low self-esteem.

My ultimate goal is to make peace with food. To eat when hungry, to not overeat for comfort. Basically I want to eat to live, not live to eat. I don't want to constantly have the fight going on in my head about food.

I don't want to live in a battleground about food on a daily basis. That's not sustainable for the long run, and I'm in this for the long run. Whether I'll ever reach that goal of making peace with how I deal with food is yet to be seen, but it's something I'm striving towards.