I'm taking a month off from blogging. I read back through several of my recent posts (and deleted several). I was dismayed that everything was focused on work. My job has been consuming me for the last five weeks. It's all I talk or think about anymore.
I considered completely deleting my blog since no one really reads it anymore anyway, and I certainly understand why they don't. It's suppose to be a "weight loss" blog, not a "my job sucks" blog. My goal is to refocus on what's important, and take some time to think.
Someone recently commented they thought my priorities were mixed up because I had listed my job as number one, health number two, and my marriage number three. They said my marriage should be number one. Thank you Jack.
I've been thinking about this for the past two weeks and I agree my marriage should be number one in my life, or at least near the top. Without my husband I would be lost. Without my health, I'd probably be dead, and without my job...oh well, I can always find another job. :)
I found out today my sister completely lost her hearing in one ear. I love my sister to pieces and usually have two-hour phone conversations at least once a month (she lives in Alaska).
Until today I hadn't talk to her since I visited in July. She lost her hearing while I was there but we thought it was because she'd been swimming in cold water. After seeing a specialist and having an MRI she was told her hearing is completely gone in her right ear. She knew two months ago. She called once but I was on the road and never called her back.
How could I have not know this? How could I ignore my family and my husband and make my job my focus? How could have been such a idiot about life and what's really important?
This is my new priority list:
1. God, my faith
2. Marriage
3. Health
4. Friends and family
5. Job
Somehow I seem to have been lost lately. Living in a daze of airports, hotels, airplanes, and stress. I want to get my head back on straight. Live the life I want, not the one I feel forced into.
The reason for a month off from blogging is I really want to focus on what's important. I won't be reading many blogs for the next month, unless I'm in an airport or hotel with down time.
I'll be back December 1 and hopefully in a better place in my life.
Diana
169.6 <---not where I want to be...in more ways than one.
Sabtu, 31 Oktober 2009
hmmm interesant
I couldn't resist...
I came downstairs 5 minutes ago (18:00) and the new spanky scales were doing that noise that angels make in heaven; that continuous harmonious "ahhhhh" that accompanies wonder, awe or insight dawning.
Yeah, ok, it was in my head but they were calling me man!
So, picture the scene: DS and his friend H are in the living room base camp made from the dog blanket, dog basket, my dining room chairs and his duvet cover (!) shrieking with delight at being on the high seas and making a pirate video... The two dogs are their able ship mates - not particularly willing - and there seems to be the scattered remains of chewed up cork stopper out of the 2p jar (which is huge and we use as a door stop) everywhere I tread. There is a spilt glass of root beer (onto that little delight later!) with the wii fit board lying perilously close to its Armageddon (jumping dogs and rootbeer explosion in this case), the sofas don't seem to have cushions, and everything has gone to heck in a hand basket.
I am about to lose my mind when I hear the "AHHHHHHhhhhhhh" of the scale angel.
Its 6pm. I am fully clothed. Fully loaded with the days food so far, and also drinks etc. I am also holding the phone. A quick double check that the coast is clear and I hop on baby!
17 stone exactly (238lbs)
WOWOWOWOWOWOW
This is most timely news, and most fantabulous. Seeing as this was my weight last Monday morning at slimmingworld... I must therefore have lost lard! So, sans food/drinks on Monday morning will be a very interesting little result to broadcast on my return.
YES!
Oh yeah, and if you live in the UK and HATE not being able to get root beer (other than poncy sugar laden swank bottles from random herbal shops that cost a couple of quid - each!) then head down to Sainsbury's for a bottle of Carter's semi diet root beer. I say 'semi-diet' because it still has sugar in it, but its quite low and you can drink a lot without it amounting to a crisis. Its only 67p - yes, that's right - SIXTY-SEVEN PENCE for 2 LITRES!! Now that's what I call a result - hence I am not crazy mad at the sheer waste of rootbeer on the floor in my front room from the extroverted and rather highly charged pirates.
Oh, and I have tiles throughout. Clever huh? *cheeky wink*
I came downstairs 5 minutes ago (18:00) and the new spanky scales were doing that noise that angels make in heaven; that continuous harmonious "ahhhhh" that accompanies wonder, awe or insight dawning.
Yeah, ok, it was in my head but they were calling me man!
So, picture the scene: DS and his friend H are in the living room base camp made from the dog blanket, dog basket, my dining room chairs and his duvet cover (!) shrieking with delight at being on the high seas and making a pirate video... The two dogs are their able ship mates - not particularly willing - and there seems to be the scattered remains of chewed up cork stopper out of the 2p jar (which is huge and we use as a door stop) everywhere I tread. There is a spilt glass of root beer (onto that little delight later!) with the wii fit board lying perilously close to its Armageddon (jumping dogs and rootbeer explosion in this case), the sofas don't seem to have cushions, and everything has gone to heck in a hand basket.
I am about to lose my mind when I hear the "AHHHHHHhhhhhhh" of the scale angel.
Its 6pm. I am fully clothed. Fully loaded with the days food so far, and also drinks etc. I am also holding the phone. A quick double check that the coast is clear and I hop on baby!
17 stone exactly (238lbs)
WOWOWOWOWOWOW
This is most timely news, and most fantabulous. Seeing as this was my weight last Monday morning at slimmingworld... I must therefore have lost lard! So, sans food/drinks on Monday morning will be a very interesting little result to broadcast on my return.
YES!
Oh yeah, and if you live in the UK and HATE not being able to get root beer (other than poncy sugar laden swank bottles from random herbal shops that cost a couple of quid - each!) then head down to Sainsbury's for a bottle of Carter's semi diet root beer. I say 'semi-diet' because it still has sugar in it, but its quite low and you can drink a lot without it amounting to a crisis. Its only 67p - yes, that's right - SIXTY-SEVEN PENCE for 2 LITRES!! Now that's what I call a result - hence I am not crazy mad at the sheer waste of rootbeer on the floor in my front room from the extroverted and rather highly charged pirates.
Oh, and I have tiles throughout. Clever huh? *cheeky wink*
Wot?
Surely this cannot be right.
This is where I need a COPY AND PASTE tool on this stupid blog thingy!
So now I have to keep minimising, reading the other page, and then maximising and typing it in here. GRRRR. (And no one tell me there is a new version of windows now either as I KNOW that you can have 2 screens open simultaneously side by side. I know. I don't have windows 7. double GRRrrrr)
There is the bloke who claims the following:
Weightloss counselor and physician Dr. Micheal Dansinger says "One could drop as much as 20 pounds in a week following a very ambitious eating and exercise plan, devoting more than 7 hours per week to vigorous exercise."
I am pretty sure that's not possible unless you weigh 400lbs to start with and starve yourself and flog your body to death at the same time.
Sounds hardcore.
anyway, things are going ok with the band right now. I am loving having the daily plate thing on board again. I can waste hours of my life on the computer. Oh, i do! Ha!
So far today I have had a few olives throughout the morning and for lunch I made scrambled egg (again!!) with 1 egg and sloppy, and half a can of baked beans in tomato sauce. It was nice. I think egg on its own just doesn't get chewed well enough before you have to swallow... its not the right consistency in the first place is it. So a little bit of egg, then a few beans and things went great.
I am enjoying the shakes still, but trying to get into some kind of pattern where I don't necessarily have to have a shake for lunch as well as breakfast. Will be nicer in the lifestyle type of thing, and also on the wallet!
I have managed to have a solid lunch, go slowly and chew to death every lunch this week since Wednesday and had no major problems. Long may it continue.
I have changed my eating around a bit... had a few too many glasses of wine this week as we have a box in the cupboard that holds several litres and its just too easy and tempting. Its all gone now, so no more. I am just not going to buy any. DH is not going to have any more beer either as its such empty calories, and I really want to keep on track.
Looking forward to seeing what Monday brings - weight wise but also building wise.
Builders start Monday! YAYAYAY!!!!
Cant wait. Means 2 weeks sleeping in a caravan, but hey!
This is where I need a COPY AND PASTE tool on this stupid blog thingy!
So now I have to keep minimising, reading the other page, and then maximising and typing it in here. GRRRR. (And no one tell me there is a new version of windows now either as I KNOW that you can have 2 screens open simultaneously side by side. I know. I don't have windows 7. double GRRrrrr)
There is the bloke who claims the following:
Weightloss counselor and physician Dr. Micheal Dansinger says "One could drop as much as 20 pounds in a week following a very ambitious eating and exercise plan, devoting more than 7 hours per week to vigorous exercise."
I am pretty sure that's not possible unless you weigh 400lbs to start with and starve yourself and flog your body to death at the same time.
Sounds hardcore.
anyway, things are going ok with the band right now. I am loving having the daily plate thing on board again. I can waste hours of my life on the computer. Oh, i do! Ha!
So far today I have had a few olives throughout the morning and for lunch I made scrambled egg (again!!) with 1 egg and sloppy, and half a can of baked beans in tomato sauce. It was nice. I think egg on its own just doesn't get chewed well enough before you have to swallow... its not the right consistency in the first place is it. So a little bit of egg, then a few beans and things went great.
I am enjoying the shakes still, but trying to get into some kind of pattern where I don't necessarily have to have a shake for lunch as well as breakfast. Will be nicer in the lifestyle type of thing, and also on the wallet!
I have managed to have a solid lunch, go slowly and chew to death every lunch this week since Wednesday and had no major problems. Long may it continue.
I have changed my eating around a bit... had a few too many glasses of wine this week as we have a box in the cupboard that holds several litres and its just too easy and tempting. Its all gone now, so no more. I am just not going to buy any. DH is not going to have any more beer either as its such empty calories, and I really want to keep on track.
Looking forward to seeing what Monday brings - weight wise but also building wise.
Builders start Monday! YAYAYAY!!!!
Cant wait. Means 2 weeks sleeping in a caravan, but hey!
Lose the Belly - a Weight Loss App
If you happen to be one of the 50 million people who use an iPhone or iTouch check out these two free apps on losing the belly. They are each a collection of the 15 best videos you will find on YouTube to help you lose weight. Included is diet and exercise advice.One is aimed at men with more emphasis on building six-pack abs Lose the Belly for Men and the other is for women, with more emphasis on yoga poses Lose the Belly for Women. Both apps include some of the best advice for what foods to eat for weight loss.
Jumat, 30 Oktober 2009
Day 303 - The Danger of Sugar
I know sugar is bad. You know sugar is bad. We all know sugar is bad news!! If given the choice though between sugar and artificial sweenteners, hands down, I'll take sugar! It's natural, not made in a lab!
For the last year I have been trying to keep my sugar consumption in moderation. I admit, I LOVE Sweetarts and all things sour gummy, but I really try to avoid the sweets because at the end of the day, you feel lousy and your teeth are all fuzzy against your tongue. (Ever notice that after a day of sugar?)
So yesterday a dear family friend of ours dropped by to give the kids some Halloween bags of treats. I asked for a vanilla Toosie Roll and a red Dot. I was good to go. But the kids kept sharing with me in their excitement to eat more. So I ended up eating a couple more pieces. It wasn't that much, not even close to what I normally would have consumed, but more than I have been used to.
The strangest thing happened at dinner time. I felt like I was STARVING!!! You know the feeling. When you are in such a craze of hunger, you can't think straight. When the Papa Murphy's Gourmet Veggie came out of the oven, if my mouth had been big enough, I would have jammed the whole thing in. I was ravenous! I haven't felt like this in a loooooooooong time! I barely got through the blessing on the food, I felt like I was going to cry if I had to wait any longer, and I took a huge mouthful within 1 millisecond after saying "Amen." After a few minutes of eating, as my mood slowly returned to normal, I thought about what the heck I just experienced. When you feel like that, not only can you 1. not control yourself but 2. there is no way of keeping track of what you eat. How can a person be successful in the weight loss journey or maintence control when feeling like that? You can't!
I recognized that feeling, it wasn't completely unformailiar, but it's something I haven't experienced in at least a year. Looking over the past year, I have been able to control my appetite much better they I usually do. I have also been watching my intake of sugar. Pondering, and putting two and two together I realized it had to be the sugar factor!! I had some candy around 2 and by the time 6 rolled around, I felt out of control. More candy = increased appetite. Now I didn't eat the whole pizza, but I did eat more than I usually do. In fact, I ate so fast I am not sure how many pieces I actually ate. 3? maybe 4? So to be on the safe side, being tired or not, I found a TV show to focus on and I did 30 minutes until I was sweating hard. I probably should have done it longer, but my hubby was waiting to hop on. :o)
So lesson learned. If you want to stay in control of your appetite, which is important because then you can better control your eating, AVOID SUGAR especially CANDY that is made out of straight sugar. It just sets you up for failure!!
For the last year I have been trying to keep my sugar consumption in moderation. I admit, I LOVE Sweetarts and all things sour gummy, but I really try to avoid the sweets because at the end of the day, you feel lousy and your teeth are all fuzzy against your tongue. (Ever notice that after a day of sugar?)
So yesterday a dear family friend of ours dropped by to give the kids some Halloween bags of treats. I asked for a vanilla Toosie Roll and a red Dot. I was good to go. But the kids kept sharing with me in their excitement to eat more. So I ended up eating a couple more pieces. It wasn't that much, not even close to what I normally would have consumed, but more than I have been used to.
The strangest thing happened at dinner time. I felt like I was STARVING!!! You know the feeling. When you are in such a craze of hunger, you can't think straight. When the Papa Murphy's Gourmet Veggie came out of the oven, if my mouth had been big enough, I would have jammed the whole thing in. I was ravenous! I haven't felt like this in a loooooooooong time! I barely got through the blessing on the food, I felt like I was going to cry if I had to wait any longer, and I took a huge mouthful within 1 millisecond after saying "Amen." After a few minutes of eating, as my mood slowly returned to normal, I thought about what the heck I just experienced. When you feel like that, not only can you 1. not control yourself but 2. there is no way of keeping track of what you eat. How can a person be successful in the weight loss journey or maintence control when feeling like that? You can't!
I recognized that feeling, it wasn't completely unformailiar, but it's something I haven't experienced in at least a year. Looking over the past year, I have been able to control my appetite much better they I usually do. I have also been watching my intake of sugar. Pondering, and putting two and two together I realized it had to be the sugar factor!! I had some candy around 2 and by the time 6 rolled around, I felt out of control. More candy = increased appetite. Now I didn't eat the whole pizza, but I did eat more than I usually do. In fact, I ate so fast I am not sure how many pieces I actually ate. 3? maybe 4? So to be on the safe side, being tired or not, I found a TV show to focus on and I did 30 minutes until I was sweating hard. I probably should have done it longer, but my hubby was waiting to hop on. :o)
So lesson learned. If you want to stay in control of your appetite, which is important because then you can better control your eating, AVOID SUGAR especially CANDY that is made out of straight sugar. It just sets you up for failure!!
The daily plate slash livestrong blaat
This is a post all about The daily Plate, now known as Livestrong.
I Had a few interesting emails from people, so thought I would write down what I know, or what is given to me by livestrong and therefore know!
according to their charts a person who is about 238lbs (moi!) and wants to lose 2 pounds a week (or more please) can eat the following:
1833 cals
they should get this from and NOT EXCEED the following MAX daily allowances (100%)
60g of fat
274g carbohydrates
45g protein
If you look on the previous post next to each item it has a percentage. This shows that I at X% of my daily allowance in that nutritional group.
If I eat within the above proportions, I will achieve weightloss.
As I lose weight, the calorie allowance gets lower, and the nutritional allowances will change, but will still be roughly 15%fat, 12%protein and 74% carbs. There are also other important elements in the diet like fibre, and Livestrong does chart these too, but I couldn't be bothered to go to all that effort.
As you eat through the day, you chart each food. You type into your plate the food you ate - for instance today I had some pate. I type in "Tesco Liver and bacon pate" and there it is. I click and add it to my plate and type in how many portions of it I have eaten.
It can be a little pesky, because you might have measured in grams, but the person who listed the item might have listed it as oz without a conversion, or they could have listed a portion as 100g, and you only had 20g. Both of these is easily remedied. A simple gram to oz conversion sorts the first, and with the second is a little harder.
When you add a food to your plate, it automatically puts *1* portion on your plate. If 1 portion was 100g, and you only had 20g, then you had 0.2 of a portion. So that's what you do. You change the 1, to a 0.2 and then it will log it perfectly for you.
"What if I make a lasagna?" I hear you cry... well that's cool too. You either log each individual item in the meal and how much you had of each (1 onion in dish, 4 people served, so I had 0.25 of a portion bla bla) or you 'Make a Meal'. If its something you often make, then the best thing is to create a new meal by adding all the ingredients in the programme, and then saving it.
If you add this to your plate it will also add the WHOLE thing as a portion, so again here you must be careful. If the dish serves 4, then when you add it to your plate you must change the portion to 0.25 if it served 10 people, then you change it to 0.1 of a portion.
If you honestly cannot be bothered, then just manually add the calories.
I wish I could cut and paste to blogger because it would be so much easier. Its a real fag not being able to do that. What I might try is a screen shot and show you what I see, but it will be so small I am not sure how it will turn out.
Basically Livestrong (or the daily plate as it used to be called) is a great tool for helping me keep track. I can see when I eat too much fat, see when I nail my protein target and also if I am drinking enough water. Its also great as it charts your weight on a graph and also give you access to loads of (sometimes obscure) daily exercises that it calculates how much you have burned off. It takes into account your weight and calculates that for example doing the following :
Sailing on ice (?) or water (competitive) for 1 hr would burn 540 cals
Reclining - talking, writing or reading burns 108 cals per hour
Sanding floors with a power sander burns 486 per hour
Sex (vigorous) burns a measly 171 per hour. (per hour? HA!)
I think I will plump for reclining and chatting - less like hard work! So its a useful tool to have when you might think you have blown your days allowance, you can add these activities to your daily plate and get a Net calorie count. I always set my activity level to naff all so that I can track things when I do them. So if I take the dog for a half hour walk, I can track it because I set my level to sedentary (lying of bed eating chocolates mode!) and don't feel like I might be cheating or counting something twice if you know what I mean.
I would recommend it as after all it is FREE, and if you do upgrade, its only £25 a year which is nothing. Upgrading unlocks some useful features and allows you to look back over time and stuff which I think is useful, but its perfectly workable free to be fair.
I Had a few interesting emails from people, so thought I would write down what I know, or what is given to me by livestrong and therefore know!
according to their charts a person who is about 238lbs (moi!) and wants to lose 2 pounds a week (or more please) can eat the following:
1833 cals
they should get this from and NOT EXCEED the following MAX daily allowances (100%)
60g of fat
274g carbohydrates
45g protein
If you look on the previous post next to each item it has a percentage. This shows that I at X% of my daily allowance in that nutritional group.
If I eat within the above proportions, I will achieve weightloss.
As I lose weight, the calorie allowance gets lower, and the nutritional allowances will change, but will still be roughly 15%fat, 12%protein and 74% carbs. There are also other important elements in the diet like fibre, and Livestrong does chart these too, but I couldn't be bothered to go to all that effort.
As you eat through the day, you chart each food. You type into your plate the food you ate - for instance today I had some pate. I type in "Tesco Liver and bacon pate" and there it is. I click and add it to my plate and type in how many portions of it I have eaten.
It can be a little pesky, because you might have measured in grams, but the person who listed the item might have listed it as oz without a conversion, or they could have listed a portion as 100g, and you only had 20g. Both of these is easily remedied. A simple gram to oz conversion sorts the first, and with the second is a little harder.
When you add a food to your plate, it automatically puts *1* portion on your plate. If 1 portion was 100g, and you only had 20g, then you had 0.2 of a portion. So that's what you do. You change the 1, to a 0.2 and then it will log it perfectly for you.
"What if I make a lasagna?" I hear you cry... well that's cool too. You either log each individual item in the meal and how much you had of each (1 onion in dish, 4 people served, so I had 0.25 of a portion bla bla) or you 'Make a Meal'. If its something you often make, then the best thing is to create a new meal by adding all the ingredients in the programme, and then saving it.
If you add this to your plate it will also add the WHOLE thing as a portion, so again here you must be careful. If the dish serves 4, then when you add it to your plate you must change the portion to 0.25 if it served 10 people, then you change it to 0.1 of a portion.
If you honestly cannot be bothered, then just manually add the calories.
I wish I could cut and paste to blogger because it would be so much easier. Its a real fag not being able to do that. What I might try is a screen shot and show you what I see, but it will be so small I am not sure how it will turn out.
Basically Livestrong (or the daily plate as it used to be called) is a great tool for helping me keep track. I can see when I eat too much fat, see when I nail my protein target and also if I am drinking enough water. Its also great as it charts your weight on a graph and also give you access to loads of (sometimes obscure) daily exercises that it calculates how much you have burned off. It takes into account your weight and calculates that for example doing the following :
Sailing on ice (?) or water (competitive) for 1 hr would burn 540 cals
Reclining - talking, writing or reading burns 108 cals per hour
Sanding floors with a power sander burns 486 per hour
Sex (vigorous) burns a measly 171 per hour. (per hour? HA!)
I think I will plump for reclining and chatting - less like hard work! So its a useful tool to have when you might think you have blown your days allowance, you can add these activities to your daily plate and get a Net calorie count. I always set my activity level to naff all so that I can track things when I do them. So if I take the dog for a half hour walk, I can track it because I set my level to sedentary (lying of bed eating chocolates mode!) and don't feel like I might be cheating or counting something twice if you know what I mean.
I would recommend it as after all it is FREE, and if you do upgrade, its only £25 a year which is nothing. Upgrading unlocks some useful features and allows you to look back over time and stuff which I think is useful, but its perfectly workable free to be fair.
Kamis, 29 Oktober 2009
Day 302 - Healthy Autumn Treat for Breakfast or Whenever
If you love pumpkin pie you will love this!! Basically, it's the recipe on the back of Libby's canned pumpkin (NOT Pumpkin Pie Filling) and instead of putting it into a crust, you bake it in a casserole dish. It comes out super moist like a custard. It's full of fiber, nutrient rich pumpkin and protein items such as milk and eggs. Notice I called it a "treat", there is sugar in it so you don't want to eat your weight of it, (Although you can only eat so much pumpkin before you have that full feeling). It's great to have warm for breakfast or a mid-day snack.
My kids LOVE it, even the baby gobbled a bunch before his nap. What a great snack for the kids to eat too!! Notice the picture is only half of the casserole dish? That wasn't just for artistic presentation, it was the only part that was left after the kids dug into it. Just after it was cool enough to eat, the kids grabbed bowls, spoons and within seconds, half was missing. Like I said, the stuff is good and the kids just got a boat load of vitamin A to last the day along with some vitamin C, Potassium and Folate.
Day 302 - It's All About the Exercise
This morning, while I lay in bed contemplating getting up, the thought occured to me...there are only 2 more months remaining of the year! I plan on trying to loose 10 more pounds, but I thought there was more time? Come September 1st each year, time changes. Maybe it's because I start thinking in "Holiday Mode?" I swear time speeds up and more things end up on the "to do" list!
So recently, I haven't been able to give it a 100% effort to get those last 10 off. In fact, I find myself starting to eat just a little more this and a little more that. I have been eating a little more than I would like, not like I used to, but more than I would if I really wanted to drop some more weight. The wonderful thing is, I keep at the same weight!! Why? Because of the exercise! Exercising regularly is keeping my weight at bay. The biggest thing I have learned is that if you are exercising regularly, your body and diet are much more forgiving than if you don't. If I can continue to eat like I have been and maintain as long as I am exericsing, I can deal. Seriously! Now I am not talking about full bore exercising either! For the last couple of weeks, I have been super tired, almost like I was on the verge of getting sick, but I didn't get sick. I was just tired. (Maybe the baby's transition in schedule might have something to do with that?) SO in efforts to not make matters worse and completely stress my body out, I dropped the time of working out to 15 min. On days I felt a little more pep in my step, I bumped it back to 30 minutes. One day I was feeling really good, had an awesome book and I did the elliptical for 90 minutes!! (Mental note: get more GOOD books) What I am basically saying is that as long as you are regularly doing something to move your body, if you go a little over on the eating, everything will be okay. I know I put on most my weight when I felt like I made a mistake. The "Well, I screwed up, may as enjoy the rest of the day and start over tomorrow" sort of thinking. That thinking NEVER works and you only set yourself up for failure when you do. EVERY TIME. Forgive yourself and stay the course, move on, do better from the last bite on. Don't wait until tomorrow to do better. Tomorrow may be 40 pounds and a decade later. (Personal experience)
We are approaching a time where baking becomes plentiful and opportunity for goodies increase. It's inevitable! Time also tends to be stretched thinner as well. These two events alone contradict each other. To really focus on making the change to loose weight takes time to process and focus on, especially in the beginning. Having sweets and treats more easily accessible, makes it easier to partake without much thought. If you are too busy to think of your weight loss goals and can grab holiday goodness without thinking, you can see the problem there. It can be a vicious cycle and can be such a treacherous time of year if one isn't careful. I personally think I gained 10 pounds last December alone, and that wasn't the first December it happened either. (I love to bake and make candy for gifts)
The game plan this year? Not to deprive, but not to indulge either. Be selective with what I consume, only the best (which means home made most of the time). In doing this, AND exercising, I know I will get through the holidays at the same weight. I really do want to drop some more, and I intend to, but if I can't, I am certainly okay with maintenance!! Can you guess what 2010's goal will be if I don't make it? Yep, 10 in 10!!
So recently, I haven't been able to give it a 100% effort to get those last 10 off. In fact, I find myself starting to eat just a little more this and a little more that. I have been eating a little more than I would like, not like I used to, but more than I would if I really wanted to drop some more weight. The wonderful thing is, I keep at the same weight!! Why? Because of the exercise! Exercising regularly is keeping my weight at bay. The biggest thing I have learned is that if you are exercising regularly, your body and diet are much more forgiving than if you don't. If I can continue to eat like I have been and maintain as long as I am exericsing, I can deal. Seriously! Now I am not talking about full bore exercising either! For the last couple of weeks, I have been super tired, almost like I was on the verge of getting sick, but I didn't get sick. I was just tired. (Maybe the baby's transition in schedule might have something to do with that?) SO in efforts to not make matters worse and completely stress my body out, I dropped the time of working out to 15 min. On days I felt a little more pep in my step, I bumped it back to 30 minutes. One day I was feeling really good, had an awesome book and I did the elliptical for 90 minutes!! (Mental note: get more GOOD books) What I am basically saying is that as long as you are regularly doing something to move your body, if you go a little over on the eating, everything will be okay. I know I put on most my weight when I felt like I made a mistake. The "Well, I screwed up, may as enjoy the rest of the day and start over tomorrow" sort of thinking. That thinking NEVER works and you only set yourself up for failure when you do. EVERY TIME. Forgive yourself and stay the course, move on, do better from the last bite on. Don't wait until tomorrow to do better. Tomorrow may be 40 pounds and a decade later. (Personal experience)
We are approaching a time where baking becomes plentiful and opportunity for goodies increase. It's inevitable! Time also tends to be stretched thinner as well. These two events alone contradict each other. To really focus on making the change to loose weight takes time to process and focus on, especially in the beginning. Having sweets and treats more easily accessible, makes it easier to partake without much thought. If you are too busy to think of your weight loss goals and can grab holiday goodness without thinking, you can see the problem there. It can be a vicious cycle and can be such a treacherous time of year if one isn't careful. I personally think I gained 10 pounds last December alone, and that wasn't the first December it happened either. (I love to bake and make candy for gifts)
The game plan this year? Not to deprive, but not to indulge either. Be selective with what I consume, only the best (which means home made most of the time). In doing this, AND exercising, I know I will get through the holidays at the same weight. I really do want to drop some more, and I intend to, but if I can't, I am certainly okay with maintenance!! Can you guess what 2010's goal will be if I don't make it? Yep, 10 in 10!!
Rabu, 28 Oktober 2009
Nutrition | LIVESTRONG.COM
Nutrition Facts
Serving Size: Everything you ate on October 28th, 2009
Calories 1528 Calories from Fat 318
% Daily Value *
Total Fat 35.89g 55%
Saturated Fat 10.66g 53%
Sodium 825.5mg 34%
Potassium 0.23mg 0%
Total Carbohydrate 122.8g 41%
Dietary Fiber 5.8g 23%
Sugars 59.9g
Protein 103.77g 208%"
Serving Size: Everything you ate on October 28th, 2009
Calories 1528 Calories from Fat 318
% Daily Value *
Total Fat 35.89g 55%
Saturated Fat 10.66g 53%
Sodium 825.5mg 34%
Potassium 0.23mg 0%
Total Carbohydrate 122.8g 41%
Dietary Fiber 5.8g 23%
Sugars 59.9g
Protein 103.77g 208%"
Diabetes without Insulin
The Los Angeles Times has five stories of people who were diagnosed with diabetes but who later kicked the insulin habit with diet and exercise. See their inspiring stories here.
Feeling fab fab fab
Oh what a difference 24 hours makes.
Took the first tablet that the doctor prescribed me yesterday evening and I feel bosh! She gave me Detrusitol XL. What a name. The active ingredient in the wonder drug is tolterodine tartrate. I have never ever heard of that before in my life, and it is a serious mouthful, but worth it.
These little blue wonder pills were given to make my bladder less "twitchy" - Mrs Doc said. She was right. I ain't been "twitchy" all day, and no pain or anything. They are prescribed for people who either can't control their bladder or pee many many times a day to help relieve the sensitive bladder. They make the bladder less sensitive. Well, they are the business and I love them.
I am now wondering if there is any point in getting my pee pee opening violated after all? I guess there is because it could be something grim I guess.
Well talking of all things grim, I also have got to have a smear test tomorrow. Yay. Can't wait. been putting it off for about 25 years, so should go. ewwwww. Hate it. Its not the actual 'doing' of the test, its the fact someone is having a gander up your chuff. With a lamp on it. Why does that metal thing have to be cold too??? Is that really necessary? I am sure they could pop it on the radiator for a bit beforehand. *shudders*
Anyway, don't want to think about that until I'm on the couch.
Today was great. We met up with our old mates we met on a French holiday when DS was only 3 or 4. It was a really good laugh. Even though we haven't seen each other now for about 4 years it really didn't feel like it. We chatted away, and I am hoarse from laughing and shrieking with them. We shall call them A (dad),B (mum), M (daur 1) and S (daur 2).
A had a RNY bypass 7 months ago and had lost 7 and a half stone. He looks amazing. He had type 2 diabetes, had a BMI of over 50 and now has lost so much weight his diabetes has gone already! It was really cool to know someone in real life who has had weightloss surgery... but not just know them, really know them personally and know their battle with weight for a long time too. He had his done on the NHS and has followup care for 5 years. That's amazing. He goes to his village doctors surgery for his 3 monthly B12 injections and back to the hospital for check ups. Its just unreal. It makes me feel really annoyed at the lack of aftercare Bunk mate and I had after our surgery, and how far we have to travel all the time, but to be honest, more than anything else he inspired me.
We both have this tool, and yes he has lost loads so far, but we both seem to suffer the same problems. Eat too fast and it comes back again. Chew all our food to death. Eat small portions. Don't drink with meals. Sip drinks etc.
What I noticed is that he can eat more than I can - which I really wasn't expecting, and that includes eggs, toast, bread rolls, pasta etc (but not spaghetti!) all of which I have given up on! But when you weigh it up he has malabsorbtion to compensate the extra food intake. I just have lack of volume. So both ways I think will deliver the same nutrients. Take for example today's food whilst they were with us:
Him:
Snack: 2 slices of toast and butter
lunch: Chicken livers on salad (starter)
2 cups of coffee
2 J2O juice drinks
Me:
snack: protein shake
lunch: Chicken livers on salad (starter)
4 cups of coffee
2 glasses wine
This works out to be exactly the same amount of calories... but he has malabsorbtion to help further.
take DH's food whilst they were here:
DH:
snack: 2 fried eggs on fried bread and 3 rashers bacon
dinner: 1/2 pound Burger in bun and chips
8 jaffa cakes
3 cups of tea and 3 pints of beer.
When I weigh it up, we are both going to get to our goal, and DH is going to die of a heart attack the way he is going! No, I jest - he doesn't have a lot of this stuff usually. Wednesday is definitely a treat day for him and usually involves fried eggs of some variety for brekkie. We don't usually go out for lunch though, so the rest is a bit random.
I left some of my chicken livers on the plate, whereas A ate all his. But where he has quantity control & malabsorbtion to help him, I just have quantity control. These are good tools. We just need to use then correctly. This must be why they say after 5 years we should have the same result, but RNY just happens quicker in the first year or so. Very interesting, and makes me feel SO much better about the band funnily enough. I am not looking at the RNY with covetousness so much now. Thats a really great thing for me.
Its great to see him looking so amazing and I am really pleased he has done it. Its also spurred me on so much, that really I have to look at my weight journey as little bitty steps.
Being really to the point, I have only had proper restriction since my last fill. I am not going to see miracles in 2 months, but I have lost weight. Just gotta keep on plugging!
For dinner this evening I had fish fingers and peas. Fish fingers are probably not the best choice, but I like them and they are protein. So another day's sunshine goes down and I have kept to plan.
trying to think what calories I could have ingested...
shake 200
chicken livers...?
2 glasses red 400
fish fingers...?
peas...?
not too much. cool.
Ok, I thought this was a bit lame to write "not too much" and not really know, so I have now re-opened my account with what was called The Daily Plate but is not called LIVESTRONG and its great.
To lose weight of about 2 pounds per week, I need to eat 1800 calories or less each day. Todays calorie intake was 1528, and my protein was over 100 grams! Cool
Took the first tablet that the doctor prescribed me yesterday evening and I feel bosh! She gave me Detrusitol XL. What a name. The active ingredient in the wonder drug is tolterodine tartrate. I have never ever heard of that before in my life, and it is a serious mouthful, but worth it.
These little blue wonder pills were given to make my bladder less "twitchy" - Mrs Doc said. She was right. I ain't been "twitchy" all day, and no pain or anything. They are prescribed for people who either can't control their bladder or pee many many times a day to help relieve the sensitive bladder. They make the bladder less sensitive. Well, they are the business and I love them.
I am now wondering if there is any point in getting my pee pee opening violated after all? I guess there is because it could be something grim I guess.
Well talking of all things grim, I also have got to have a smear test tomorrow. Yay. Can't wait. been putting it off for about 25 years, so should go. ewwwww. Hate it. Its not the actual 'doing' of the test, its the fact someone is having a gander up your chuff. With a lamp on it. Why does that metal thing have to be cold too??? Is that really necessary? I am sure they could pop it on the radiator for a bit beforehand. *shudders*
Anyway, don't want to think about that until I'm on the couch.
Today was great. We met up with our old mates we met on a French holiday when DS was only 3 or 4. It was a really good laugh. Even though we haven't seen each other now for about 4 years it really didn't feel like it. We chatted away, and I am hoarse from laughing and shrieking with them. We shall call them A (dad),B (mum), M (daur 1) and S (daur 2).
A had a RNY bypass 7 months ago and had lost 7 and a half stone. He looks amazing. He had type 2 diabetes, had a BMI of over 50 and now has lost so much weight his diabetes has gone already! It was really cool to know someone in real life who has had weightloss surgery... but not just know them, really know them personally and know their battle with weight for a long time too. He had his done on the NHS and has followup care for 5 years. That's amazing. He goes to his village doctors surgery for his 3 monthly B12 injections and back to the hospital for check ups. Its just unreal. It makes me feel really annoyed at the lack of aftercare Bunk mate and I had after our surgery, and how far we have to travel all the time, but to be honest, more than anything else he inspired me.
We both have this tool, and yes he has lost loads so far, but we both seem to suffer the same problems. Eat too fast and it comes back again. Chew all our food to death. Eat small portions. Don't drink with meals. Sip drinks etc.
What I noticed is that he can eat more than I can - which I really wasn't expecting, and that includes eggs, toast, bread rolls, pasta etc (but not spaghetti!) all of which I have given up on! But when you weigh it up he has malabsorbtion to compensate the extra food intake. I just have lack of volume. So both ways I think will deliver the same nutrients. Take for example today's food whilst they were with us:
Him:
Snack: 2 slices of toast and butter
lunch: Chicken livers on salad (starter)
2 cups of coffee
2 J2O juice drinks
Me:
snack: protein shake
lunch: Chicken livers on salad (starter)
4 cups of coffee
2 glasses wine
This works out to be exactly the same amount of calories... but he has malabsorbtion to help further.
take DH's food whilst they were here:
DH:
snack: 2 fried eggs on fried bread and 3 rashers bacon
dinner: 1/2 pound Burger in bun and chips
8 jaffa cakes
3 cups of tea and 3 pints of beer.
When I weigh it up, we are both going to get to our goal, and DH is going to die of a heart attack the way he is going! No, I jest - he doesn't have a lot of this stuff usually. Wednesday is definitely a treat day for him and usually involves fried eggs of some variety for brekkie. We don't usually go out for lunch though, so the rest is a bit random.
I left some of my chicken livers on the plate, whereas A ate all his. But where he has quantity control & malabsorbtion to help him, I just have quantity control. These are good tools. We just need to use then correctly. This must be why they say after 5 years we should have the same result, but RNY just happens quicker in the first year or so. Very interesting, and makes me feel SO much better about the band funnily enough. I am not looking at the RNY with covetousness so much now. Thats a really great thing for me.
Its great to see him looking so amazing and I am really pleased he has done it. Its also spurred me on so much, that really I have to look at my weight journey as little bitty steps.
Being really to the point, I have only had proper restriction since my last fill. I am not going to see miracles in 2 months, but I have lost weight. Just gotta keep on plugging!
For dinner this evening I had fish fingers and peas. Fish fingers are probably not the best choice, but I like them and they are protein. So another day's sunshine goes down and I have kept to plan.
trying to think what calories I could have ingested...
shake 200
chicken livers...?
2 glasses red 400
fish fingers...?
peas...?
not too much. cool.
Ok, I thought this was a bit lame to write "not too much" and not really know, so I have now re-opened my account with what was called The Daily Plate but is not called LIVESTRONG and its great.
To lose weight of about 2 pounds per week, I need to eat 1800 calories or less each day. Todays calorie intake was 1528, and my protein was over 100 grams! Cool
Day 301 - Amazing What a Year Can Do
This morning I woke up and there was definately a change in the weather! I love living in California!! It seems like you get just enough of a season, and then it changes! The garden is nearly done, the trees and grapevines are slowly changing colors and loosing their leaves. This is my most favorite time of the year! I love the color, the temperature and the excitement of the anticipating holidays that are coming up.
So this morning, I need to find something that was warmer than shorts and a shirt. I had to dig in the closet for my sweats. As I did so, I remember them being tight from last year. I dreaded putting them on and then I remember I am a lot lighter than I was last year. (Yea, I was still sleepy when I was getting dressed) I then got excited to see how everything fit! I have a few things that are going to Goodwill because they are just not going to work! Other items, items I wasn't able to squeeze in last year went on effortlessly. :o) I saw my reflection in the mirror and I was actually pleased with what I saw. ??? I don't think I have ever really been "pleased" with my reflection before!! Seriously!! Don't get me wrong, I am certainly not claiming perfection, or even "doneness" with my journey, uh-uh, no way! What I am saying is that I wasn't completely repulsed by it. For the last couple of decades, I wouldn't look in the mirror at my body. What was the point? Don't want to start the day depressed! So I do find myself taking peeks now and then and it's fun to be surprised. I still have a little ways to go. I swear the next 10 pounds will soley come off my backside, so I know there will be a big change there when I am finished. But it's nice to look in the mirror and feel happy or at least hopeful for a change. That is certainly something to get used to I have to say. You wouldn't think so, but after spending sooooooo long not liking your reflection, it is strange to feel at peace with it.
What made me feel compelled to write this morning was that I started to think about the last year. It hasn't been quite a year that I started my journey. In fact, last year at this time I just had a baby and I was absolutely hating the way I physically felt! I had baby blues, probably PPD because it took over a year to shake it, and there are some days I think it's lingering around. But what a difference a year makes!!! Seriously! My physical body has done a 180 since last year. Has it been hard? I wouldn't think so. Just have to keep going. Take one day at a time. Don't stop and don't give in. One foot after the other. As I mentioned before, I am soooo not done yet, so I really shouldn't be reflecting on the year yet, but I just had to take time and share my thoughts. A year is a long time and they seem to be flying by faster each year. Years for me now seem a lot shorter then they did when I was a kid. But a year is a long enough time to make drastic changes in your life whether it's physically, emotionally, spiritually, or mentally. We just can't underestimate what can be done in a year.
So this morning, I need to find something that was warmer than shorts and a shirt. I had to dig in the closet for my sweats. As I did so, I remember them being tight from last year. I dreaded putting them on and then I remember I am a lot lighter than I was last year. (Yea, I was still sleepy when I was getting dressed) I then got excited to see how everything fit! I have a few things that are going to Goodwill because they are just not going to work! Other items, items I wasn't able to squeeze in last year went on effortlessly. :o) I saw my reflection in the mirror and I was actually pleased with what I saw. ??? I don't think I have ever really been "pleased" with my reflection before!! Seriously!! Don't get me wrong, I am certainly not claiming perfection, or even "doneness" with my journey, uh-uh, no way! What I am saying is that I wasn't completely repulsed by it. For the last couple of decades, I wouldn't look in the mirror at my body. What was the point? Don't want to start the day depressed! So I do find myself taking peeks now and then and it's fun to be surprised. I still have a little ways to go. I swear the next 10 pounds will soley come off my backside, so I know there will be a big change there when I am finished. But it's nice to look in the mirror and feel happy or at least hopeful for a change. That is certainly something to get used to I have to say. You wouldn't think so, but after spending sooooooo long not liking your reflection, it is strange to feel at peace with it.
What made me feel compelled to write this morning was that I started to think about the last year. It hasn't been quite a year that I started my journey. In fact, last year at this time I just had a baby and I was absolutely hating the way I physically felt! I had baby blues, probably PPD because it took over a year to shake it, and there are some days I think it's lingering around. But what a difference a year makes!!! Seriously! My physical body has done a 180 since last year. Has it been hard? I wouldn't think so. Just have to keep going. Take one day at a time. Don't stop and don't give in. One foot after the other. As I mentioned before, I am soooo not done yet, so I really shouldn't be reflecting on the year yet, but I just had to take time and share my thoughts. A year is a long time and they seem to be flying by faster each year. Years for me now seem a lot shorter then they did when I was a kid. But a year is a long enough time to make drastic changes in your life whether it's physically, emotionally, spiritually, or mentally. We just can't underestimate what can be done in a year.
Selasa, 27 Oktober 2009
Heart Attack Risk Reduction: The Low-Hanging Fruit
Dr. Yongsoon Park and colleagues recently published a great article in the British Journal of Nutrition titled "Erythrocyte fatty acid profiles can predict acute non-fatal myocardial infarction". Stated simply, the title says that the fat in your red blood cell membranes, which reflects dietary fat composition, can predict your likelihood of having a heart attack*. More accurately than standard measures of heart attack risk such as blood cholesterol.
Let's cut to the data. The investigators examined the fat composition of red blood cells in people who had suffered a heart attack, versus an equal number who had not. Participants who had heart attacks had less omega-3, more long-chain omega-6, and particularly higher trans fat in their red blood cells. In fact, 96% of the heart attack patients had elevated trans fat levels, compared to 34% of those without heart attacks. This is consistent with a number of other studies showing a strong association between blood levels of trans fat and heart attack risk (ref).
92% of heart attack patients were in the lowest category of EPA in their red blood cells, as opposed to 32% of those without heart attacks. EPA is an omega-3 fat that comes from fish, and is also made by the body if there's enough omega-3 alpha-linolenic acid (think flax and greens) around and not too much linoleic acid (industrial vegetable oil) to inhibit its production. 96% of heart attack patients were in the lowest category for alpha-linolenic acid, compared to 34% of the comparison group. 0% of the heart attack patients were in the highest category for alpha-linolenic acid.
62% of heart attack patients were in the highest category of arachidonic acid (AA), compared to 34% of the comparison group. AA is made from linoleic acid, and is also found in animal foods such as eggs and liver. Animal foods from pasture-raised animals are lower in AA than their conventionally-raised counterparts, and also contain more omega-3 fats to balance it.
The investigators found that low omega-3, high AA and high trans fats in red blood cells associate with heart attack risk far better than the Framingham risk score, a traditional and widely-used measure that incorporates age, sex, smoking status, total cholesterol, HDL, hypertension and diabetes.
If the associations in this study represent cause-and-effect, which I believe they do based on their consistency with other observational studies and controlled trials, they imply that we can have a very powerful effect on heart attack risk by taking a few simple steps:
In the future, I hope that most doctors will measure blood fatty acids to predict heart attack risk, with more success than current approaches. Instead of measuring cholesterol and prescribing a statin drug, doctors will prescribe fish oil and easy-to-follow diet advice**. Fortunately, some doctors are beginning to measure red blood cell fatty acid levels in their patients. The forward-thinking cardiologist Dr. William Davis has discussed this on his blog here. Take a good look at the graphs he posted if you get the chance.
*The title of the study is misleading because it implies a prospective design, in which blood fatty acids would be measured and volunteers followed to see who develops heart disease at a later time point. This study was cross-sectional (also called case-control), meaning they found people who had just had a heart attack and measured their blood fatty acids retrospectively. The other study I referenced above was prospective, which is a nice confirmation of the principle.
**"Eat butter on your toast. Ditch the margarine."
Let's cut to the data. The investigators examined the fat composition of red blood cells in people who had suffered a heart attack, versus an equal number who had not. Participants who had heart attacks had less omega-3, more long-chain omega-6, and particularly higher trans fat in their red blood cells. In fact, 96% of the heart attack patients had elevated trans fat levels, compared to 34% of those without heart attacks. This is consistent with a number of other studies showing a strong association between blood levels of trans fat and heart attack risk (ref).
92% of heart attack patients were in the lowest category of EPA in their red blood cells, as opposed to 32% of those without heart attacks. EPA is an omega-3 fat that comes from fish, and is also made by the body if there's enough omega-3 alpha-linolenic acid (think flax and greens) around and not too much linoleic acid (industrial vegetable oil) to inhibit its production. 96% of heart attack patients were in the lowest category for alpha-linolenic acid, compared to 34% of the comparison group. 0% of the heart attack patients were in the highest category for alpha-linolenic acid.
62% of heart attack patients were in the highest category of arachidonic acid (AA), compared to 34% of the comparison group. AA is made from linoleic acid, and is also found in animal foods such as eggs and liver. Animal foods from pasture-raised animals are lower in AA than their conventionally-raised counterparts, and also contain more omega-3 fats to balance it.
The investigators found that low omega-3, high AA and high trans fats in red blood cells associate with heart attack risk far better than the Framingham risk score, a traditional and widely-used measure that incorporates age, sex, smoking status, total cholesterol, HDL, hypertension and diabetes.
If the associations in this study represent cause-and-effect, which I believe they do based on their consistency with other observational studies and controlled trials, they imply that we can have a very powerful effect on heart attack risk by taking a few simple steps:
- Avoid trans fat. It's found in margarine, shortening, refined soy and canola oils, many deep fried foods and processed foods in general.
- Avoid industrial vegetable oils and other sources of excess omega-6. Eating pastured or omega-3 eggs, rather than conventional eggs, can help reduce dietary AA as well.
- Ensure a regular intake of omega-3 fats from seafood, or small doses of high-vitamin cod liver oil or fish oil. Flax oil is also helpful, but it's an inferior substitute for fish oil.
In the future, I hope that most doctors will measure blood fatty acids to predict heart attack risk, with more success than current approaches. Instead of measuring cholesterol and prescribing a statin drug, doctors will prescribe fish oil and easy-to-follow diet advice**. Fortunately, some doctors are beginning to measure red blood cell fatty acid levels in their patients. The forward-thinking cardiologist Dr. William Davis has discussed this on his blog here. Take a good look at the graphs he posted if you get the chance.
*The title of the study is misleading because it implies a prospective design, in which blood fatty acids would be measured and volunteers followed to see who develops heart disease at a later time point. This study was cross-sectional (also called case-control), meaning they found people who had just had a heart attack and measured their blood fatty acids retrospectively. The other study I referenced above was prospective, which is a nice confirmation of the principle.
**"Eat butter on your toast. Ditch the margarine."
Heart Attack Risk Reduction: The Low-Hanging Fruit
Dr. Yongsoon Park and colleagues recently published a great article in the British Journal of Nutrition titled "Erythrocyte fatty acid profiles can predict acute non-fatal myocardial infarction". Stated simply, the title says that the fat in your red blood cell membranes, which reflects dietary fat composition, can predict your likelihood of having a heart attack*. More accurately than standard measures of heart attack risk such as blood cholesterol.
Let's cut to the data. The investigators examined the fat composition of red blood cells in people who had suffered a heart attack, versus an equal number who had not. Participants who had heart attacks had less omega-3, more long-chain omega-6, and particularly higher trans fat in their red blood cells. In fact, 96% of the heart attack patients had elevated trans fat levels, compared to 34% of those without heart attacks. This is consistent with a number of other studies showing a strong association between blood levels of trans fat and heart attack risk (ref).
92% of heart attack patients were in the lowest category of EPA in their red blood cells, as opposed to 32% of those without heart attacks. EPA is an omega-3 fat that comes from fish, and is also made by the body if there's enough omega-3 alpha-linolenic acid (think flax and greens) around and not too much linoleic acid (industrial vegetable oil) to inhibit its production. 96% of heart attack patients were in the lowest category for alpha-linolenic acid, compared to 34% of the comparison group. 0% of the heart attack patients were in the highest category for alpha-linolenic acid.
62% of heart attack patients were in the highest category of arachidonic acid (AA), compared to 34% of the comparison group. AA is made from linoleic acid, and is also found in animal foods such as eggs and liver. Animal foods from pasture-raised animals are lower in AA than their conventionally-raised counterparts, and also contain more omega-3 fats to balance it.
The investigators found that low omega-3, high AA and high trans fats in red blood cells associate with heart attack risk far better than the Framingham risk score, a traditional and widely-used measure that incorporates age, sex, smoking status, total cholesterol, HDL, hypertension and diabetes.
If the associations in this study represent cause-and-effect, which I believe they do based on their consistency with other observational studies and controlled trials, they imply that we can have a very powerful effect on heart attack risk by taking a few simple steps:
In the future, I hope that most doctors will measure blood fatty acids to predict heart attack risk, with more success than current approaches. Instead of measuring cholesterol and prescribing a statin drug, doctors will prescribe fish oil and easy-to-follow diet advice**. Fortunately, some doctors are beginning to measure red blood cell fatty acid levels in their patients. The forward-thinking cardiologist Dr. William Davis has discussed this on his blog here. Take a good look at the graphs he posted if you get the chance.
*The title of the study is misleading because it implies a prospective design, in which blood fatty acids would be measured and volunteers followed to see who develops heart disease at a later time point. This study was cross-sectional (also called case-control), meaning they found people who had just had a heart attack and measured their blood fatty acids retrospectively. The other study I referenced above was prospective, which is a nice confirmation of the principle.
**"Eat butter on your toast. Ditch the margarine."
Let's cut to the data. The investigators examined the fat composition of red blood cells in people who had suffered a heart attack, versus an equal number who had not. Participants who had heart attacks had less omega-3, more long-chain omega-6, and particularly higher trans fat in their red blood cells. In fact, 96% of the heart attack patients had elevated trans fat levels, compared to 34% of those without heart attacks. This is consistent with a number of other studies showing a strong association between blood levels of trans fat and heart attack risk (ref).
92% of heart attack patients were in the lowest category of EPA in their red blood cells, as opposed to 32% of those without heart attacks. EPA is an omega-3 fat that comes from fish, and is also made by the body if there's enough omega-3 alpha-linolenic acid (think flax and greens) around and not too much linoleic acid (industrial vegetable oil) to inhibit its production. 96% of heart attack patients were in the lowest category for alpha-linolenic acid, compared to 34% of the comparison group. 0% of the heart attack patients were in the highest category for alpha-linolenic acid.
62% of heart attack patients were in the highest category of arachidonic acid (AA), compared to 34% of the comparison group. AA is made from linoleic acid, and is also found in animal foods such as eggs and liver. Animal foods from pasture-raised animals are lower in AA than their conventionally-raised counterparts, and also contain more omega-3 fats to balance it.
The investigators found that low omega-3, high AA and high trans fats in red blood cells associate with heart attack risk far better than the Framingham risk score, a traditional and widely-used measure that incorporates age, sex, smoking status, total cholesterol, HDL, hypertension and diabetes.
If the associations in this study represent cause-and-effect, which I believe they do based on their consistency with other observational studies and controlled trials, they imply that we can have a very powerful effect on heart attack risk by taking a few simple steps:
- Avoid trans fat. It's found in margarine, shortening, refined soy and canola oils, many deep fried foods and processed foods in general.
- Avoid industrial vegetable oils and other sources of excess omega-6. Eating pastured or omega-3 eggs, rather than conventional eggs, can help reduce dietary AA as well.
- Ensure a regular intake of omega-3 fats from seafood, or small doses of high-vitamin cod liver oil or fish oil. Flax oil is also helpful, but it's an inferior substitute for fish oil.
In the future, I hope that most doctors will measure blood fatty acids to predict heart attack risk, with more success than current approaches. Instead of measuring cholesterol and prescribing a statin drug, doctors will prescribe fish oil and easy-to-follow diet advice**. Fortunately, some doctors are beginning to measure red blood cell fatty acid levels in their patients. The forward-thinking cardiologist Dr. William Davis has discussed this on his blog here. Take a good look at the graphs he posted if you get the chance.
*The title of the study is misleading because it implies a prospective design, in which blood fatty acids would be measured and volunteers followed to see who develops heart disease at a later time point. This study was cross-sectional (also called case-control), meaning they found people who had just had a heart attack and measured their blood fatty acids retrospectively. The other study I referenced above was prospective, which is a nice confirmation of the principle.
**"Eat butter on your toast. Ditch the margarine."
Calorie density
The calories in our foods come from fat, carbohydrate and protein. Calorie density is the number of calories per weight in grams of the food. Calorie density often referred to as energy density.
Determining calorie density can be important for people who are attempting to lose weight, gain weight, in weight control management program or need to monitor food consumption due to an existing health issue.
Foods that are low in calorie density tend to be high in water and low in fat like raw fruits lean meats, low fat dairy products and vegetables. Water is the largest component of food and has the greatest impact on calorie density. So, low calorie density foods don't pack a lot of calories per bite but stuffed with water and fiber. Consumption of low calorie density foods will satisfy hunger with fewer calories while still providing plenty of vitamins and minerals.
Foods that are low in calorie density keeps us able to enjoy larger portions of various foods and still consume less calories overall. If you want to lose weight, try to aim for lower calorie density, but higher nutrient density.
Determining calorie density can be important for people who are attempting to lose weight, gain weight, in weight control management program or need to monitor food consumption due to an existing health issue.
Foods that are low in calorie density tend to be high in water and low in fat like raw fruits lean meats, low fat dairy products and vegetables. Water is the largest component of food and has the greatest impact on calorie density. So, low calorie density foods don't pack a lot of calories per bite but stuffed with water and fiber. Consumption of low calorie density foods will satisfy hunger with fewer calories while still providing plenty of vitamins and minerals.
Foods that are low in calorie density keeps us able to enjoy larger portions of various foods and still consume less calories overall. If you want to lose weight, try to aim for lower calorie density, but higher nutrient density.
Be smart and do not eat less than what your body needs.
funny day
Had a funny day really. My band decided not to allow liquids again after about midday, which was a bit of a pain in the rectum, seeing as I didn't get my breakfast shake down this morning as I forgot to drink it. But, I am still here and a few less calories are hardly going to hurt! Hee Heee.
The builder came around and measured up and checked where I wanted the plugs and stuff like that, its all going to be plastered too which will be great - I didn't know that before, so it will be super dupa!
then I went to the doc again, and said it was excruciating, and to be honest she didn't muck about. she got me on the couch and gave me a quick *grimace* internal exam to check I didn't have a large ovary or any kind of prolapse etc and then basically said we couldn't wait for the scan to come through, and referred me to a Urologist for a urethrascopy (or whatever its called/spelt) Apparently I will be put to sleep and then they shove a camera up my nether regions (trying not to imagine how something relatively large can go through and up inside a pin hole opening as making me feel a little odd).
So that's good news. I think...
Then booked our holiday for the winter in France. On 25th December we leave Blighty via the tunnel and come home on 29th December by ferry. Its cheaper that way! This year we are renting a gite in Brittany. Its about 5 hours from Calais and we are going to try and have a look at the Bayeux Tapestry, see Mont St. Michel and have a gander at the largest castle in Europe.
Yeah, either that or just get drunk and eat cheese and moule frite for 4 days.
Just done a tesco shop for a few bits and am horrified that I spent £120. Not possible as I only wanted juice and cat food. They now how to sell these places!
Gonna watch Neighbours now. I keep persevering with it, but it just isn't that good. I love Home and Away, and just wish Neighbour's was the same. Its all a bit too fake, but its mindless and I don't care too much.
Also bought 5 pairs of shoes and a bottle of expensive perfume which has really brightened things up a bit! 1 pair of suede ballerina's from eBay, 1 pair of big bow tie ballerina's from Hush Puppies, 1 pair of penny loafers in navy and claret & 1 pair of loafers with a bar and chain on the front in Tan leather from DB Shoe's and then today a pair of K Moss penny loafers in black from the US via eBay US.
The perfume is Tocade by Rochas. Its LUSH
The builder came around and measured up and checked where I wanted the plugs and stuff like that, its all going to be plastered too which will be great - I didn't know that before, so it will be super dupa!
then I went to the doc again, and said it was excruciating, and to be honest she didn't muck about. she got me on the couch and gave me a quick *grimace* internal exam to check I didn't have a large ovary or any kind of prolapse etc and then basically said we couldn't wait for the scan to come through, and referred me to a Urologist for a urethrascopy (or whatever its called/spelt) Apparently I will be put to sleep and then they shove a camera up my nether regions (trying not to imagine how something relatively large can go through and up inside a pin hole opening as making me feel a little odd).
So that's good news. I think...
Then booked our holiday for the winter in France. On 25th December we leave Blighty via the tunnel and come home on 29th December by ferry. Its cheaper that way! This year we are renting a gite in Brittany. Its about 5 hours from Calais and we are going to try and have a look at the Bayeux Tapestry, see Mont St. Michel and have a gander at the largest castle in Europe.
Yeah, either that or just get drunk and eat cheese and moule frite for 4 days.
Just done a tesco shop for a few bits and am horrified that I spent £120. Not possible as I only wanted juice and cat food. They now how to sell these places!
Gonna watch Neighbours now. I keep persevering with it, but it just isn't that good. I love Home and Away, and just wish Neighbour's was the same. Its all a bit too fake, but its mindless and I don't care too much.
Also bought 5 pairs of shoes and a bottle of expensive perfume which has really brightened things up a bit! 1 pair of suede ballerina's from eBay, 1 pair of big bow tie ballerina's from Hush Puppies, 1 pair of penny loafers in navy and claret & 1 pair of loafers with a bar and chain on the front in Tan leather from DB Shoe's and then today a pair of K Moss penny loafers in black from the US via eBay US.
The perfume is Tocade by Rochas. Its LUSH
Findings
Can't remember if I told you, think I did, that they didn't find any bugs in my sample at the doctor the other day. I am in agony today. I feel like such rubbish that all I want to do is curl up somewhere, but there is no escaping the pain. It just feels awful... ALL the time.
Its just constant. It wears you out and brings you down and I just feel like comforting myself with nice yummy treats.
I booked another appointment at the quacks in about 2 hours time. I am going to show her something I found on the internet.
Interestingly enough, it was about Interstitial Cystitis & Painful Bladder Syndrome (IC/PBS), and got me thinking. I am fed up with doing leg work for doctors, but no one ever looks back through your notes and comes up with an idea. Only WE seemingly know our history and it all kind of clicked into place when I read this item.
I suffered with this horror daily for a few years after becoming sexually active. It went on and on and on an on and I saw the doctor loads of time. Diagnosed with irritable bowel, given different drugs, had numerous tests, but a 17/18 year old has little love of having a male doctor frequently look into her inner parts and more often than not I would just grin and bear it and hope for a miracle. It kind of stopped when I was about 19 and I put it down to being unstressed. I had finished college, settle down and was having a brief harmonious period in my life and also had my first pregnancy. I was pregnant on and off for the next 3 years, losing 6 babies at varying terms, but thankfully culminating in my 1 beautifully bonny baby boy at the tender age of 22.
I had no problems with this horrendous pain in all that time. I forgot about it and never thought it would return. I suffered terribly with postnatal baby blues, and was prescribed antidepressants. My depression seemed to change from just being postnatal, to regular clinical depression and I was on (and for the odd couple of months off) antidepressants until last August 2008.
Looking through my calendar it was about November I started to get cystitis again. I thought it must be the stress of my Dad's operation and put it down to that. But the repeat attacks have got worse and worse until, like now, I can't stand it any more.
In the article I read, it said that IC/PBS patients can alleviate pain with Aspirin and Ibuprofen or Diclofenac (volterol). I can take NONE of these because of the band obviously, and I know that paracetamol and codeine don't really cut it to be quite honest. They also wrote that patients often have relief of symptoms from taking Antidepressants or antihistamines. Patients also often have remission during pregnancy.
Now isn't that funny? All the time I have been free from this hell, I have either been preggers, or on antidepressants! Now I am not taking them, and haven't taken then for a long time, the problem is TERRIBLE.
So I am going to ask her whether it might be a good idea to resume antidepressants and see if it works. I have 28 tablets from my last course already in my draw which are still in date and I will take even if she says no. At least after a month I will know if it helped, or not, and if it did will have much stronger argument for taking them again.
I just kind of know that this is the answer. I know antihistamines don't help me with it as I take them quite often anyway for allergies and I still have the HELL PAIN.
So, off to drink another gallon drum of water, and clean my house in preparation for my friends coming over, a fellow bariatric mate who 6 months ago had RNY Bypass surgery and has already lost *gulp*
8 stone (112lbs)
Wish I had had that surgery... I would be done by now. rats.
Never mind, I have a tool, so I am just going to use it and keep on plugging. I have lamb stew and green beans last night - nice and low in carbs. I gave everyone else potato swirls with theirs, but I resisted! Hee hee
Its just constant. It wears you out and brings you down and I just feel like comforting myself with nice yummy treats.
I booked another appointment at the quacks in about 2 hours time. I am going to show her something I found on the internet.
Interestingly enough, it was about Interstitial Cystitis & Painful Bladder Syndrome (IC/PBS), and got me thinking. I am fed up with doing leg work for doctors, but no one ever looks back through your notes and comes up with an idea. Only WE seemingly know our history and it all kind of clicked into place when I read this item.
I suffered with this horror daily for a few years after becoming sexually active. It went on and on and on an on and I saw the doctor loads of time. Diagnosed with irritable bowel, given different drugs, had numerous tests, but a 17/18 year old has little love of having a male doctor frequently look into her inner parts and more often than not I would just grin and bear it and hope for a miracle. It kind of stopped when I was about 19 and I put it down to being unstressed. I had finished college, settle down and was having a brief harmonious period in my life and also had my first pregnancy. I was pregnant on and off for the next 3 years, losing 6 babies at varying terms, but thankfully culminating in my 1 beautifully bonny baby boy at the tender age of 22.
I had no problems with this horrendous pain in all that time. I forgot about it and never thought it would return. I suffered terribly with postnatal baby blues, and was prescribed antidepressants. My depression seemed to change from just being postnatal, to regular clinical depression and I was on (and for the odd couple of months off) antidepressants until last August 2008.
Looking through my calendar it was about November I started to get cystitis again. I thought it must be the stress of my Dad's operation and put it down to that. But the repeat attacks have got worse and worse until, like now, I can't stand it any more.
In the article I read, it said that IC/PBS patients can alleviate pain with Aspirin and Ibuprofen or Diclofenac (volterol). I can take NONE of these because of the band obviously, and I know that paracetamol and codeine don't really cut it to be quite honest. They also wrote that patients often have relief of symptoms from taking Antidepressants or antihistamines. Patients also often have remission during pregnancy.
Now isn't that funny? All the time I have been free from this hell, I have either been preggers, or on antidepressants! Now I am not taking them, and haven't taken then for a long time, the problem is TERRIBLE.
So I am going to ask her whether it might be a good idea to resume antidepressants and see if it works. I have 28 tablets from my last course already in my draw which are still in date and I will take even if she says no. At least after a month I will know if it helped, or not, and if it did will have much stronger argument for taking them again.
I just kind of know that this is the answer. I know antihistamines don't help me with it as I take them quite often anyway for allergies and I still have the HELL PAIN.
So, off to drink another gallon drum of water, and clean my house in preparation for my friends coming over, a fellow bariatric mate who 6 months ago had RNY Bypass surgery and has already lost *gulp*
8 stone (112lbs)
Wish I had had that surgery... I would be done by now. rats.
Never mind, I have a tool, so I am just going to use it and keep on plugging. I have lamb stew and green beans last night - nice and low in carbs. I gave everyone else potato swirls with theirs, but I resisted! Hee hee
Senin, 26 Oktober 2009
Shake it up
So this was dinner the other night. I was looking for parsnip recipes as I had a couple in the fridge that needed using. Its honey & mustard chicken with parsnip and mashed potato. It was seriously scrumptious.
But this is why I need to shake it up a little. There was no movement on the scales again this week, and I think its because of the combinations of food I am eating.
If I am eating a seriously high protein diet with the shakes, and then eating carbs, I am not going to lose weight. I need to lose the carbs from my meals. So the above dish would have been much better for me with double the amount of chicken stew and no potato.
I spoke to the Slimmingworld consultant today about it, and we agreed that if you are on the red/original plan, you are eating a lot of protein and veggies with very limited or controlled carbs. If you are on the green plan, you are eating mainly carbs, low fat and limited protein.
The yellow plan (xtra easy) is a mixture of both but with the emphasis on vegetables making up 2/3rds of the meal and of course, low in fat.
Well, if I am drinking protein shakes with low carbs & low fat... I think that maybe I should be following the red plan... what do you think?
Well, I am going to give it a go anyway. I am going to try and go RED this week and see if it makes any difference. Food combining is quite a tricky thing, but it does make sense if you think about it. I think I am basically just balancing myself out if I eat lots of protein and lots of carbs.
Also, gonna cut the crappy bits of nibbling out which can't be helping - being seriously realistic, it's not the reason I am not losing weight - but just not helping any. So I am going to record my food again, photo it and log it and see what happens to the scales this week.
Sabtu, 24 Oktober 2009
Orexigen obesity drug shows added benefits: studies
Orexigen obesity drug shows added benefits: studies
By Bill Berkrot
NEW YORK (Reuters) - Nearly half of patients who completed 56 weeks of treatment with Orexigen Therapeutics Inc's experimental obesity treatment, Contrave, lost at least 10 percent of their weight in a late-stage study and the drug also appeared to help cholesterol and blood sugar levels.
The drug demonstrated an even greater improvement in non- weight loss measures in patients considered to be at high risk of heart disease, according to data released on Saturday.
Orexigen released top-line data in July from a trio of Phase III trials showing Contrave met its primary goal of at least 5 percent weight loss compared with a placebo.
That data included all patients who began the studies, even those who discontinued the medicine at any point. The data presented Saturday included only those who completed 56 weeks of treatment, which the company called "a more clinically relevant number."
Orexigen also released data that looked at several secondary measures, such as impact on waist circumference, blood lipids and a marker for inflammation, as well as blood sugar levels in a separate trial of obese diabetics.
"We're very encouraged that all those things are going in the right direction," Dennis Kim, Orexigen's head of medical affairs who presented the new data at the Obesity Society scientific meeting in Washington, said in an interview.
Contrave is a pill that combines the antidepressant Wellbutrin, known generically as bupropion, with a sustained- release version of naltrexone, an opioid blocker used to treat alcoholism and other addictions.
New obesity treatments are needed for what has become a public health epidemic as obesity is a leading cause of diabetes, heart disease and many other serious medical problems, and the condition is rising at alarming rates.
The top-line data in July showed 48 percent of obese patients lost at least 5 percent of their body weight in one trial and 56.3 percent in a second study, compared with 16.4 percent and 17.1 percent on placebo.
Those differences are considered robust enough for likely FDA approval and the company said it was on track to apply for U.S. approval in the first half of next year.
But when looking only at patients who completed the 56-week study, the Contrave numbers jump to 61.8 percent and 75.8 percent compared with 23.1 percent and 21.7 percent on placebo.
In addition, 48.2 percent of Contrave patients lost at least 10 percent body weight and 23 percent dropped an impressive 15 percent of their weight in one of the studies.
In the other Phase III trial, 34.5 percent lost at least 10 percent on Contrave and 17.2 percent achieved 15 percent weight loss -- all significantly better than the placebo group, which topped out at 3.4 percent losing 15 percent of body weight and 10.7 percent who dropped 10 percent.
"These numbers demonstrate some really compelling efficacy results that I think patients and prescribers will be impressed by," Kim said.
The data also demonstrated impressive impacts on blood lipids and other measures in those patients in the study considered to be at high cardiovascular risk.
In that population, triglycerides went down 66.3 milligrams/deciliter and 51.2 mg/dl on Contrave.
"Those drops in triglycerides actually is in the ballpark of what you would expect to see from a lipid lowering drug that's on the market today," Kim said, referring to Abbott Laboratories' blockbuster triglyceride lowerer TriCor.
Levels of good HDL cholesterol rose 5 mg/dl and 6.2 mg/dl among Contrave at risk patients -- similar to what one would expect from niacin, which is approved to raise HDL.
High risk Contrave patients also had significant drops waist circumference and c-reactive protein -- an indicator of arterial inflammation associated with heart disease -- and small drops in bad LDL cholesterol, according to the data.
Blood sugar levels from the study of diabetics was also more impressive than originally thought when looking at just patients who began the trial with A1c levels of greater than 8 percent. American Diabetes Association guidelines call for an A1c level of 7 percent or less.
Among those patients, Contrave led to a highly statistically significant mean A1c reduction of 1.1 percent.
"That is very impressive and outdoes a lot of diabetes drugs that are approved today," Kim said. "And you get big weight loss on top of it."
(Reporting by Bill Berkrot; editing by Andre Grenon)
By Bill Berkrot
NEW YORK (Reuters) - Nearly half of patients who completed 56 weeks of treatment with Orexigen Therapeutics Inc's experimental obesity treatment, Contrave, lost at least 10 percent of their weight in a late-stage study and the drug also appeared to help cholesterol and blood sugar levels.
The drug demonstrated an even greater improvement in non- weight loss measures in patients considered to be at high risk of heart disease, according to data released on Saturday.
Orexigen released top-line data in July from a trio of Phase III trials showing Contrave met its primary goal of at least 5 percent weight loss compared with a placebo.
That data included all patients who began the studies, even those who discontinued the medicine at any point. The data presented Saturday included only those who completed 56 weeks of treatment, which the company called "a more clinically relevant number."
Orexigen also released data that looked at several secondary measures, such as impact on waist circumference, blood lipids and a marker for inflammation, as well as blood sugar levels in a separate trial of obese diabetics.
"We're very encouraged that all those things are going in the right direction," Dennis Kim, Orexigen's head of medical affairs who presented the new data at the Obesity Society scientific meeting in Washington, said in an interview.
Contrave is a pill that combines the antidepressant Wellbutrin, known generically as bupropion, with a sustained- release version of naltrexone, an opioid blocker used to treat alcoholism and other addictions.
New obesity treatments are needed for what has become a public health epidemic as obesity is a leading cause of diabetes, heart disease and many other serious medical problems, and the condition is rising at alarming rates.
The top-line data in July showed 48 percent of obese patients lost at least 5 percent of their body weight in one trial and 56.3 percent in a second study, compared with 16.4 percent and 17.1 percent on placebo.
Those differences are considered robust enough for likely FDA approval and the company said it was on track to apply for U.S. approval in the first half of next year.
But when looking only at patients who completed the 56-week study, the Contrave numbers jump to 61.8 percent and 75.8 percent compared with 23.1 percent and 21.7 percent on placebo.
In addition, 48.2 percent of Contrave patients lost at least 10 percent body weight and 23 percent dropped an impressive 15 percent of their weight in one of the studies.
In the other Phase III trial, 34.5 percent lost at least 10 percent on Contrave and 17.2 percent achieved 15 percent weight loss -- all significantly better than the placebo group, which topped out at 3.4 percent losing 15 percent of body weight and 10.7 percent who dropped 10 percent.
"These numbers demonstrate some really compelling efficacy results that I think patients and prescribers will be impressed by," Kim said.
The data also demonstrated impressive impacts on blood lipids and other measures in those patients in the study considered to be at high cardiovascular risk.
In that population, triglycerides went down 66.3 milligrams/deciliter and 51.2 mg/dl on Contrave.
"Those drops in triglycerides actually is in the ballpark of what you would expect to see from a lipid lowering drug that's on the market today," Kim said, referring to Abbott Laboratories' blockbuster triglyceride lowerer TriCor.
Levels of good HDL cholesterol rose 5 mg/dl and 6.2 mg/dl among Contrave at risk patients -- similar to what one would expect from niacin, which is approved to raise HDL.
High risk Contrave patients also had significant drops waist circumference and c-reactive protein -- an indicator of arterial inflammation associated with heart disease -- and small drops in bad LDL cholesterol, according to the data.
Blood sugar levels from the study of diabetics was also more impressive than originally thought when looking at just patients who began the trial with A1c levels of greater than 8 percent. American Diabetes Association guidelines call for an A1c level of 7 percent or less.
Among those patients, Contrave led to a highly statistically significant mean A1c reduction of 1.1 percent.
"That is very impressive and outdoes a lot of diabetes drugs that are approved today," Kim said. "And you get big weight loss on top of it."
(Reporting by Bill Berkrot; editing by Andre Grenon)
Jumat, 23 Oktober 2009
Brighter...
Seriously, how can I stay mad for long when I have a son as crazy as this? And no, he didn't have ANY clothes on at all! In winter! Madness.
Thanks for you lovely comments. Believe it or not they did help, just knowing someone could empathise and not offer a solution. There is no solution to this other than just keep on keeping on.
Today has definitely been better. I have had my protein shakes and also some home made watercress soup and everything is flowing freely just as it should do. Not feeling hungry, just like I shouldn't do. Able to take my meds, and feeling brighter all round just like things should be.
Thanks for you lovely comments. Believe it or not they did help, just knowing someone could empathise and not offer a solution. There is no solution to this other than just keep on keeping on.
Today has definitely been better. I have had my protein shakes and also some home made watercress soup and everything is flowing freely just as it should do. Not feeling hungry, just like I shouldn't do. Able to take my meds, and feeling brighter all round just like things should be.
Yummy watercress soup recipe:
3 veg stock cubes
4 cloves garlic rough chopped
1.5litres water
pinch salt
1/2tsp pepper
pinch nutmeg
1 Boquet Garni
1 large bag watercress
Boil all the ingredients for about 30 minutes until garlic is soft and
then put in the watercress. cook for a further 5 mins and then serve. Grate some
cheese ontop for lusciousness.
Yesterday evening, I managed to get some macaroni and cheese down which was amazing. its like the band suddenly goes "Ok, lets let her have something to eat now. She has suffered enough". And to answer Caroline, yes, I do have to pay for fills. If I have half a ml out it costs £100, and I don't need fluid out. I honestly don't. Its just sometimes when I don't think right, and go in like a bull in a china shop I end up tighter than a DA. I should just keep by band head on and not forget. Easier said than done though right?
Amazing Macaroni cheese recipe:
macaroni, fried onions, cheese sauce all mixed together and then just before you bung it in the oven dish, mix in 1 packet of Paxo (turkey/chicken stuffing dry packet mix) and then put it in the oven dish, grate cheese over and grill.
UN BELIEVABLY YUMMY even though most of you probably can't eat much of it, its great, easy and cheap for the rest of the family.
So 7.5mls is honestly I think perfect for me. I am not eating much, not hungry and only occasionally have trouble. I have had a trouble free 6 weeks since my last fill. I have lost 7 pounds in that time too. I must look at the bigger picture. I need to give it a positive swing. The last 2 days were just a blip. Next time this happens I will remember this and just weather the storm and go for fluids. I made a jump reaction last January when this happened and I was wide open afterwards and gained quickly. I just need to adjust to the band and get on with it.
Today, TB came over and we booked their flights to China to see her son. I am not going with them which is a bit of a shame as its somewhere I would love to go, but thanks to Nosy Neighbour I have to buy a garage conversion instead of trips abroad. Rubbish. She is really nervous about it as its a really long flight to a bit of the world that's not a normal destination and knows its gonna be a culture shock. Just booking it will help her as she has been fretting for weeks knowing she should go, but just couldn't bring herself to book the thing, and now its done. I am sure she is going to have an amazing time. Not jealous at all!
TB's DH also laid the pipe work for the radiator in the new room. I am glad that's done so that it's one less job to think about for the moment. The builder is going to start work on the conversion on 2nd November... not long now.
I have just realised that I am coming up to my 2 year band-redo-iversary. Maybe this is something I can think about in a positive way and try and think... this IS the year I am going to do this thing now. I am tight, eating less, found protein drinks and am ready to burn some fat.
Lets go.
Kamis, 22 Oktober 2009
Day 295 - Funny, Silly, Female Brain
Seriously, why are our brains constantly messing with us? Why do our eyes fail us? This week I have been feeling a little like I used to. I swear I feel like I have gained a few pounds. I look in the mirror, the reflection is the same. I hop on the scale, it also hasn't changed. I put on my clothes, nothing new. So what is the deal??
When I used to feel like this I would just eat whatever I felt like, in large quantities. It was almost like I was punishing myself for being overweight. The thought was, "Well, I'm overweight, I feel like poo, may as eat things that taste divine. I would ignore my better judgement and just eat. Sometimes I would crave and unless I ate what I was craving, I would just keep eating. I remember eating salty popcorn and then crave something sweet, brownies. Then after that, I would want something salty, chips. Then later, ice cream... It was sad and I never did that when anyone was around because I would have been incredibly embarrassed.
When I did Weight Watchers a few years ago, I was successful in loosing weight there, but I always felt on the edge. Like at any time I could slip and just go overboard. (Which I did after having my 3rd baby) Looking back and thinking about my WW experience, I was loosing weight, but I didn't change the habits. There were nights where I would start with salty popcorn in a measured amount, then I would move onto a serving of fat free brownie cookies, then I would go back to the popcorn (let's face it, low fat chips taste like paper) and then I would move on to "Skinny Cow" ice creams." On a rough day I would save a lot of my points just so I could gorge at night on junk. I stayed within my point range, I lost weight, but I did it by beating the system. But did I? When you try to beat the weight loss journey, it always comes back to bite you in the bum. In my case, by adding everything I ate to my bum! :o)
So I am learning that there are times are brain just freaks out for no reason! We just feel heavy. We are females, with cycles and as soon as you accept that our bodies are not our own, the battle is easier because you stop fighting it and start to learn to listen to it. By listening to our bodies, we can begin to work with it. What I am hearing is that I need to refocus on what I am eating and to start thinking about my portions. This is the time of year where there are lots of wonderful foods, warm foods, gooey foods. I am a picker, and if I am not careful I could pick myself into a few extra pounds. My game plan? Don't take my eating for granted. I need to focus and think before I eat. Make my plate and don't go back for seconds. If I am snacky, find something healthy that will curb the appetite. DRINK MY WATER!!!
SIDE NOTE: A new snack that I am loving! You can't eat a ton, and if you eat more than you would like, not a biggie, because it's a tomato after all. Dehydrated tomatoes from my garden nearly taste like candy. They have a strong, sweet, savory flavor so after a few you are done with snacking. Such an unexpected delight!
When I used to feel like this I would just eat whatever I felt like, in large quantities. It was almost like I was punishing myself for being overweight. The thought was, "Well, I'm overweight, I feel like poo, may as eat things that taste divine. I would ignore my better judgement and just eat. Sometimes I would crave and unless I ate what I was craving, I would just keep eating. I remember eating salty popcorn and then crave something sweet, brownies. Then after that, I would want something salty, chips. Then later, ice cream... It was sad and I never did that when anyone was around because I would have been incredibly embarrassed.
When I did Weight Watchers a few years ago, I was successful in loosing weight there, but I always felt on the edge. Like at any time I could slip and just go overboard. (Which I did after having my 3rd baby) Looking back and thinking about my WW experience, I was loosing weight, but I didn't change the habits. There were nights where I would start with salty popcorn in a measured amount, then I would move onto a serving of fat free brownie cookies, then I would go back to the popcorn (let's face it, low fat chips taste like paper) and then I would move on to "Skinny Cow" ice creams." On a rough day I would save a lot of my points just so I could gorge at night on junk. I stayed within my point range, I lost weight, but I did it by beating the system. But did I? When you try to beat the weight loss journey, it always comes back to bite you in the bum. In my case, by adding everything I ate to my bum! :o)
So I am learning that there are times are brain just freaks out for no reason! We just feel heavy. We are females, with cycles and as soon as you accept that our bodies are not our own, the battle is easier because you stop fighting it and start to learn to listen to it. By listening to our bodies, we can begin to work with it. What I am hearing is that I need to refocus on what I am eating and to start thinking about my portions. This is the time of year where there are lots of wonderful foods, warm foods, gooey foods. I am a picker, and if I am not careful I could pick myself into a few extra pounds. My game plan? Don't take my eating for granted. I need to focus and think before I eat. Make my plate and don't go back for seconds. If I am snacky, find something healthy that will curb the appetite. DRINK MY WATER!!!
SIDE NOTE: A new snack that I am loving! You can't eat a ton, and if you eat more than you would like, not a biggie, because it's a tomato after all. Dehydrated tomatoes from my garden nearly taste like candy. They have a strong, sweet, savory flavor so after a few you are done with snacking. Such an unexpected delight!
Kick Ass Rant
Sorry this post contains cussing. Don't usually swear but its how I was feeling. There are worse words that shit... like War.
I am in a bit of a pickle right now. Physically - I am sure its nothing to worry overly about, but I need to manage the situation carefully from a kind of 'out of body' standpoint. Mentally - more of a torture.
Yesterday, as you know, I had nothing to eat all day.
I need to go into this further, so bear with me. I need to do this so that if possible I can stop scaring the be-wotsit out of myself.
I got up at 9:30. I took a coffee into the stakeout caravan. I drank it all.
I did the Clint Eastwood with the DHL man, and then came inside to clean my grottsville house.
After cleaning enough space in the kitchen to see the worktops, I then cooked eggs in 3 different ways for the family. I sat down with another coffee and my scrambled eggs. I was struggling with the coffee a little bit, and kind of waiting and willing it to go down so I could eat.
I had about 3 or 4 teaspoons of scrambled eggs, and knew that it was going to come back. It did.
I could not drink my coffee at the cinema, and it was cold by the time I got home. I microwaved it and was able to get most of it down once home.
Then the fatal popcorn. I had 1 piece, and it gave me that 'no way feeling' and barfed.
later on a few more pieces of popcorn, and a bit more barf.
Then I swilled 2 cold coffees down the sink, because although I wasn't really thinking about it, I obviously couldn't drink them. I love coffee, so its not something that hangs about for any length of time unless I cant drink it.
Then yesterday evening, had some gravy, tried some mashed swede, no go. Barf again. Then over the course of the evening I had another vomit, and another one.
Tried some more coffee, barf. Tasted an olive en-route to the sofa for a bit of telly... nope. Glass of wine stayed in the glass - less one sip down the plughole with the olive.
Tried again much later to do never fail 'sip a minute' and IT DIDN'T WORK. Started to get worried. Looked incessantly at blogs about banding and success stories on YouTube of people losing loads, and trying not to look at that doctor promoting himself converting LB into RNY's for the patients it didn't work for (and trying not to put myself in that category), and looking for some inner peace and inspiration.
I tried sip a minute again with a little success, then had an attack of something I haven't had for a long time... the drools. I haven't had my head over the sink with my mouth running water for a loooooong time. The last time was maybe over 18months ago or more. My cheeks felt tight and sour and you just feel like you want to chuck, but you don't and all this saliva just runs and runs and runs out of your mouth. And then barf.
It was 1:30am and DH and I were tired so we went to bed. He suggested trying again in bed, so I took a jug of hot water with lemon in it, to maybe cut through the mucus etc. A few sips - 3 minutes or 4 - I was puking back into the cup.
I was sick maybe 10 times that day.
I think I managed to keep down about 8 ounces of fluid in total (stakeout caravan coffee and cinema coffee - eventually) and no food.
So we lay down and I was getting a little bit of acid in my throat. I hasten to state that this was not heartburn, or acid reflux... it was a result of drinking and then puking lemon juice infused water.
I lay there with hubby gently slipping into dreamland and snoredom and just couldn't stay. I got up and came downstairs and started up YouTube and blogspot again. I read several peoples blogs from the beginning, and kind of wished that they had kept going as some of the posts were months old. A lot of the ones that were current were only maybe 5 or 6 month old blogs anyway. I didn't find any old timers that I didn't know about or anyone who has gone through similar shit, but there was some interesting stuff. Blogs are great as they give the good AND the bad.
Now, in this blog I keep it real. I have had/am having a hard time with my band. Like I have said before, Albert Ladysmith Steptoe and I do NOT get along a lot of the time, we kind of have to exist with each other. I have had a few months now where we have actually been having a second honeymoon, and right now I feel that its over, and I would even consider separation & divorce, if the legal fees weren't going to be so high and him get half my share of the sanity? I dont think so.
I read through loads of blogs, looked at loads of YouTube videos of people amazing journeys and how wonderful they have done. Some are 3 years out of surgery and lots 120lbs. Some are 18 months and lost 60lbs, some are 7 or 8 years down the track and have just had plastic surgery etc.
Did it inspire me? Honestly? No.
No it did not.
Why didn't it inspire me? I really don't know. I wanted inspiration, I wanted to 'get charged' get pumped up and feel better when I was having a shitty day and naff all to drink and feeling like crap-O and knowing that I was gonna burn like hellfire when I went to the bog because of the urine infection + having NO DRINKS all day! I was kind of wincing in advance just thinking about it. I needed a boost; needed to feel like this was all worth it. I was practically begging.
I looked at all these beautiful women, who's bands did them the power of good and they lost steadily and evidently just ate less, kind of healthy but with more than enough treats by the look of things and are now at their dream weights.
I just thought "You fuckers".
That is the honest truth. I begrudged them every single pound, I felt myself feel real anger at them. I felt cheated that my band has not been anything near what they had. I felt conspiracy theory-ish. They have just shammed this up so they can con us out of money at the cruel expense of our mental state.
I felt jealous and disbelieving of their so called weight loss. I found myself looking at them and thinking 'well you lost weight but your still ugly' kinds of things. I felt bitter, twisted and hateful and spiteful and just like the nastiest person on earth. I hated them and I hated myself.
Then I knew what it was. It was shame. I was ashamed. I should have felt ashamed about the way I was feeling about those YouTuber's but it was a much more deep rooted, personal shame that I am going to try to unlock right here.
I felt ashamed of myself. Or should that be I FEEL shame, present tense. I am ashamed that I couldn't get it right. I am ashamed that I overeat. I am ashamed that I just can't control myself. I am ashamed that everything I try ends up going to shit. I feel like the people at the side of the road after a car crash with all the rubber-neckers gawping at me and my fat. I want to hide. I wish I had never told anyone about this band and then I wouldn't have to excuse myself, or explain myself or have them watching me. Most have given up to be fair. There was such excitement at the first part of the journey, and now its just like they have given up on me. Like the kid left out of the party because their cool toy novelty value has worn thin.
If I had this surgery again, I would not tell a soul except for DH. I wouldn't tell my Mum, or my family. I wouldn't tell friends, I wouldn't tell anyone. I would make up a surgery - kidney stones, diverticulitis, an operation on my bowel of some sort for a blockage most likely. Then I would just get on with it. Why?
What is worse than being fat?
Telling people you had lapband surgery, and thereby admitting you are fat and cant control yourself by normal means, and 2 years after the event still be the same weight. That is worse than just being fat and getting on with your fat life.
Telling people I had a lapband was THE hardest thing. It was a mixture of elation and shame. I was ashamed that it had come to this - but elated that I was able to take my life back. But at the end of the day I was still admitting something EXTREMELY personal, and talking about a taboo subject that people just don't talk about. People never spoke to ME about my overweight bulk before I had the band. What they said to each other is no issue. What I dont know can't hurt me. Now they feel its a topic for open debate. Its so HUMILIATING
I am sure some people wonder if I really did have surgery. People always ask me about my weight - loss or gain - because I have had surgery. Also, its always in the negative because they don't understand - e.g.:
When you want to lose weight and you don't... it sucks. When you have other people watching your failure its just so horrible.
What I hated about those video's was that I assume these people didn't go through this horrendous humiliation. They had the band, 6 months later whippets. Grand. Done. Bosh. No need to feel shame when you succeed. I am being publicly humiliated because I told them I had a band, I am now fair game to talk about, and failed aswell. Excellent conversation.
Maybe I should tell them I DON'T have one anymore as it didn't work, and just stop this endless cycle of hurt and shame. Mind you, I think the damage is done now. Then it will be a case of endless questions about how it didn't work, and I will be a pin up girl for 'don't bother with surgery' just eat less.
Just F'ing eat less. That has to be the worst put down I have ever heard in my life.
There was a woman a few months back on the news who suffered loads of abuse from her neighbours from hell. She was of German abstraction and had been living here for years and years. One day the neighbour yells "Schweinhund!". This means Pig-dog. A rather innocuous phrase that's kind of amusing because its such a crap put down in English. In German, this is a really horrible insult. Whatever. when some says "Just eat less and exercise and the weight will just drop off!" That is an innocuous phrase, but as bad an insult to me as schweinhund to a German.
I have a serious eating disorder and I am struggling to get a grip of myself. I don't need some stupid wanky do-gooder telling me the bleeding friggin' obvious. I am not fat because I am an ignorant neanderthal slob with no education and no knowledge of nutrition. In fact I bet that I could give that Gillian McKeith a serious run for her money on knowledge of nutrition, supplements and all things health - and while I am at it, what a bad advert for healthy living she is if you can be so ugly, pale, wan and wrinkled IMHO
Its like a person at a funeral trying to comfort the grieving next of kin by saying "He was a lovely chap" - of course he was. That's why he's flaming crying and upset that he has departed. No fucking shit Sherlock!
So after a massive Fear and Loathing in Bunny's Warren last night, and feeling proper pissed off and annoyed and hateful and half starved - thank goodness the knives weren't on display or home DIY surgery could have been seriously on the cards - I looked at the clock and it was 4:30am. A good 2 and half hours since I had last tried to drink.
I got a glass of water and have a sip. waited for 2 minutes. had a sip. waited for 2 minutes. had a sip. waited for 2 minutes. let the cat out because it has suddenly refused to use the cat flap. lost my counting. had a sip. waited 1 minute. had a sip. waited 1 minute. realised there was no restriction to the water and upped the time to 20 seconds. sip.20 secs.sip.20 secs.sip.15 secs.sip.15 secs.sip.15 secs.sip.15 secs. sip. sip. sip. glug. sip. glug YES! refilled glass and drank normally like a human being. Then made (very quietly) a milkshake that still had bits in because i couldn't use the blender thingy, and that went down too.
Thank goodness.
I then had a look at some footage of X-ray fills. It was pretty good. too much waffle if you ask me, but good footage. I realised I didn't know much about how the fluid flows. To be honest, I don't think i am particularly any the wiser, but at least I kind of have an idea of what happens now.
I think a combination of annoyance, lack of sustenance and not having any kind of support from my surgery provider at all, and knowing that these people had the same surgery as I did, after i did, but with the support of doctors they could see regularly, and a lot of interaction with other lapbanders or networks or at the very least access to regular check ups helped them, and I just felt "why me".
Reassessing the situation from yesterday, when I hated those people for getting what I wanted, and getting something that has evaded my clutches for so long, I think that is basically it. I have been cheated, but now its down to me. I need to get OVER myself and get on with the job. Quit moaning, quit procrastinating, quit pity and shame and just give them the bird.
So I went to bed after having some kind of nutrition and a drink.
This morning, guess what. I can't drink. I tried some black coffee, and its not happening. I threw it back and got rid of it. That was about 12pm.
I have resorted to the worst thing, not proud but I am desperate. I still have my antibiotics to get down me remember, and I haven't been able to be regular with the doses because of yesterdays barf-fest. I NEED to take my antibiotic for this morning, and haven't been able to, so I have done the cardinal sin and taken an aspirin.
I haven't done it much, but when it gets too tight, I need something to loosen things. Paracetamol, which is safe for bandsters does not relief the stomach swelling. I do not advise it in anyway, but if desperate, then its something I have done, and haven't noticed any problems. With NSAID's you run the risk of bleeding of the stomach, or ulcers in normal life, but with a band, you risk erosion. I am frightened about using them, but sometimes no other drug will work and i seriously need to take on water for my infection so I don't burn my urethra right out and piss myself to death.
So, I am going to have something to drink and am resorting to liquids for 3 days again to settle this shit down a bit.
Sorry for such a rant, and being such an arsehole. I apologise for being horrid straight up. I am over it now.
I have to remember to Fight when I am super tight.
:o)
So today, i have managed about 400mls water and 2 slurps of Protein shake. I stopped there. I had to go back to the doctor's anyway as they found something odd in my urine.
apparently they grew a sterile puss from my wee. Lush. That's ok if it comes with bugs. Bugs + puss = infection. treat with antibio's for a week, sorted. whats not so great is when you have Lupus, repeated UTI's and loin pain (for about 6 months now) and they grow puss. Just Puss.
So now I have to go and fart around having a scan on my kidneys and my bladder. Joyeux
I am in a bit of a pickle right now. Physically - I am sure its nothing to worry overly about, but I need to manage the situation carefully from a kind of 'out of body' standpoint. Mentally - more of a torture.
Yesterday, as you know, I had nothing to eat all day.
I need to go into this further, so bear with me. I need to do this so that if possible I can stop scaring the be-wotsit out of myself.
I got up at 9:30. I took a coffee into the stakeout caravan. I drank it all.
I did the Clint Eastwood with the DHL man, and then came inside to clean my grottsville house.
After cleaning enough space in the kitchen to see the worktops, I then cooked eggs in 3 different ways for the family. I sat down with another coffee and my scrambled eggs. I was struggling with the coffee a little bit, and kind of waiting and willing it to go down so I could eat.
I had about 3 or 4 teaspoons of scrambled eggs, and knew that it was going to come back. It did.
I could not drink my coffee at the cinema, and it was cold by the time I got home. I microwaved it and was able to get most of it down once home.
Then the fatal popcorn. I had 1 piece, and it gave me that 'no way feeling' and barfed.
later on a few more pieces of popcorn, and a bit more barf.
Then I swilled 2 cold coffees down the sink, because although I wasn't really thinking about it, I obviously couldn't drink them. I love coffee, so its not something that hangs about for any length of time unless I cant drink it.
Then yesterday evening, had some gravy, tried some mashed swede, no go. Barf again. Then over the course of the evening I had another vomit, and another one.
Tried some more coffee, barf. Tasted an olive en-route to the sofa for a bit of telly... nope. Glass of wine stayed in the glass - less one sip down the plughole with the olive.
Tried again much later to do never fail 'sip a minute' and IT DIDN'T WORK. Started to get worried. Looked incessantly at blogs about banding and success stories on YouTube of people losing loads, and trying not to look at that doctor promoting himself converting LB into RNY's for the patients it didn't work for (and trying not to put myself in that category), and looking for some inner peace and inspiration.
I tried sip a minute again with a little success, then had an attack of something I haven't had for a long time... the drools. I haven't had my head over the sink with my mouth running water for a loooooong time. The last time was maybe over 18months ago or more. My cheeks felt tight and sour and you just feel like you want to chuck, but you don't and all this saliva just runs and runs and runs out of your mouth. And then barf.
It was 1:30am and DH and I were tired so we went to bed. He suggested trying again in bed, so I took a jug of hot water with lemon in it, to maybe cut through the mucus etc. A few sips - 3 minutes or 4 - I was puking back into the cup.
I was sick maybe 10 times that day.
I think I managed to keep down about 8 ounces of fluid in total (stakeout caravan coffee and cinema coffee - eventually) and no food.
So we lay down and I was getting a little bit of acid in my throat. I hasten to state that this was not heartburn, or acid reflux... it was a result of drinking and then puking lemon juice infused water.
I lay there with hubby gently slipping into dreamland and snoredom and just couldn't stay. I got up and came downstairs and started up YouTube and blogspot again. I read several peoples blogs from the beginning, and kind of wished that they had kept going as some of the posts were months old. A lot of the ones that were current were only maybe 5 or 6 month old blogs anyway. I didn't find any old timers that I didn't know about or anyone who has gone through similar shit, but there was some interesting stuff. Blogs are great as they give the good AND the bad.
Now, in this blog I keep it real. I have had/am having a hard time with my band. Like I have said before, Albert Ladysmith Steptoe and I do NOT get along a lot of the time, we kind of have to exist with each other. I have had a few months now where we have actually been having a second honeymoon, and right now I feel that its over, and I would even consider separation & divorce, if the legal fees weren't going to be so high and him get half my share of the sanity? I dont think so.
I read through loads of blogs, looked at loads of YouTube videos of people amazing journeys and how wonderful they have done. Some are 3 years out of surgery and lots 120lbs. Some are 18 months and lost 60lbs, some are 7 or 8 years down the track and have just had plastic surgery etc.
Did it inspire me? Honestly? No.
No it did not.
Why didn't it inspire me? I really don't know. I wanted inspiration, I wanted to 'get charged' get pumped up and feel better when I was having a shitty day and naff all to drink and feeling like crap-O and knowing that I was gonna burn like hellfire when I went to the bog because of the urine infection + having NO DRINKS all day! I was kind of wincing in advance just thinking about it. I needed a boost; needed to feel like this was all worth it. I was practically begging.
I looked at all these beautiful women, who's bands did them the power of good and they lost steadily and evidently just ate less, kind of healthy but with more than enough treats by the look of things and are now at their dream weights.
I just thought "You fuckers".
That is the honest truth. I begrudged them every single pound, I felt myself feel real anger at them. I felt cheated that my band has not been anything near what they had. I felt conspiracy theory-ish. They have just shammed this up so they can con us out of money at the cruel expense of our mental state.
I felt jealous and disbelieving of their so called weight loss. I found myself looking at them and thinking 'well you lost weight but your still ugly' kinds of things. I felt bitter, twisted and hateful and spiteful and just like the nastiest person on earth. I hated them and I hated myself.
Then I knew what it was. It was shame. I was ashamed. I should have felt ashamed about the way I was feeling about those YouTuber's but it was a much more deep rooted, personal shame that I am going to try to unlock right here.
I felt ashamed of myself. Or should that be I FEEL shame, present tense. I am ashamed that I couldn't get it right. I am ashamed that I overeat. I am ashamed that I just can't control myself. I am ashamed that everything I try ends up going to shit. I feel like the people at the side of the road after a car crash with all the rubber-neckers gawping at me and my fat. I want to hide. I wish I had never told anyone about this band and then I wouldn't have to excuse myself, or explain myself or have them watching me. Most have given up to be fair. There was such excitement at the first part of the journey, and now its just like they have given up on me. Like the kid left out of the party because their cool toy novelty value has worn thin.
If I had this surgery again, I would not tell a soul except for DH. I wouldn't tell my Mum, or my family. I wouldn't tell friends, I wouldn't tell anyone. I would make up a surgery - kidney stones, diverticulitis, an operation on my bowel of some sort for a blockage most likely. Then I would just get on with it. Why?
What is worse than being fat?
Telling people you had lapband surgery, and thereby admitting you are fat and cant control yourself by normal means, and 2 years after the event still be the same weight. That is worse than just being fat and getting on with your fat life.
Telling people I had a lapband was THE hardest thing. It was a mixture of elation and shame. I was ashamed that it had come to this - but elated that I was able to take my life back. But at the end of the day I was still admitting something EXTREMELY personal, and talking about a taboo subject that people just don't talk about. People never spoke to ME about my overweight bulk before I had the band. What they said to each other is no issue. What I dont know can't hurt me. Now they feel its a topic for open debate. Its so HUMILIATING
I am sure some people wonder if I really did have surgery. People always ask me about my weight - loss or gain - because I have had surgery. Also, its always in the negative because they don't understand - e.g.:
Picture the scene: chatting after a meeting with several people I don't know, but might want to get to know, in
attendance (so therefore actually care about my appearance).Someone will undoubtably say:
"Yeah, well Bunny had weightloss surgery, but it didn't work, did it Bunny?"
and then all eyes on the fat bird. Check that lard ass out. Big tits... that a + possibly, but look at that huge bum - you could park a pie platter on it! Hell yeah she really needed surgery poor bastard.
They never mentioned it before, attention was never drawn to my weight in such a hostile and uncontrolled manner. Telling people means it crossed some kind of invisible barrier; it means its now ok to discuss the embarrassment of the fat girl in front of her peers like a clinical case.
Its easier to be fat and imagine people are looking at you, as opposed to being fat and having everyone expect you to shrink before their eyes, and NOT shrink and the fucking discuss it in front of you.
whats worse is:
"you should try the new Bla diet. It worked for So&So and she lost loads of weight." "So what went wrong, why didn't you lose?" "what about weightwatchers?" "You just need to eat less and
exercise more and it will drop off" "How did you do this week?" "have you thought about cutting down your portion sizes?" "Well, you always wear such nice clothes it doesn't notice that you are overweight" "Shall we all go out for a meal?" "Can't you just get it taken out and go back to normal."
When you want to lose weight and you don't... it sucks. When you have other people watching your failure its just so horrible.
What I hated about those video's was that I assume these people didn't go through this horrendous humiliation. They had the band, 6 months later whippets. Grand. Done. Bosh. No need to feel shame when you succeed. I am being publicly humiliated because I told them I had a band, I am now fair game to talk about, and failed aswell. Excellent conversation.
Maybe I should tell them I DON'T have one anymore as it didn't work, and just stop this endless cycle of hurt and shame. Mind you, I think the damage is done now. Then it will be a case of endless questions about how it didn't work, and I will be a pin up girl for 'don't bother with surgery' just eat less.
Just F'ing eat less. That has to be the worst put down I have ever heard in my life.
There was a woman a few months back on the news who suffered loads of abuse from her neighbours from hell. She was of German abstraction and had been living here for years and years. One day the neighbour yells "Schweinhund!". This means Pig-dog. A rather innocuous phrase that's kind of amusing because its such a crap put down in English. In German, this is a really horrible insult. Whatever. when some says "Just eat less and exercise and the weight will just drop off!" That is an innocuous phrase, but as bad an insult to me as schweinhund to a German.
I have a serious eating disorder and I am struggling to get a grip of myself. I don't need some stupid wanky do-gooder telling me the bleeding friggin' obvious. I am not fat because I am an ignorant neanderthal slob with no education and no knowledge of nutrition. In fact I bet that I could give that Gillian McKeith a serious run for her money on knowledge of nutrition, supplements and all things health - and while I am at it, what a bad advert for healthy living she is if you can be so ugly, pale, wan and wrinkled IMHO
Its like a person at a funeral trying to comfort the grieving next of kin by saying "He was a lovely chap" - of course he was. That's why he's flaming crying and upset that he has departed. No fucking shit Sherlock!
So after a massive Fear and Loathing in Bunny's Warren last night, and feeling proper pissed off and annoyed and hateful and half starved - thank goodness the knives weren't on display or home DIY surgery could have been seriously on the cards - I looked at the clock and it was 4:30am. A good 2 and half hours since I had last tried to drink.
I got a glass of water and have a sip. waited for 2 minutes. had a sip. waited for 2 minutes. had a sip. waited for 2 minutes. let the cat out because it has suddenly refused to use the cat flap. lost my counting. had a sip. waited 1 minute. had a sip. waited 1 minute. realised there was no restriction to the water and upped the time to 20 seconds. sip.20 secs.sip.20 secs.sip.15 secs.sip.15 secs.sip.15 secs.sip.15 secs. sip. sip. sip. glug. sip. glug YES! refilled glass and drank normally like a human being. Then made (very quietly) a milkshake that still had bits in because i couldn't use the blender thingy, and that went down too.
Thank goodness.
I then had a look at some footage of X-ray fills. It was pretty good. too much waffle if you ask me, but good footage. I realised I didn't know much about how the fluid flows. To be honest, I don't think i am particularly any the wiser, but at least I kind of have an idea of what happens now.
I think a combination of annoyance, lack of sustenance and not having any kind of support from my surgery provider at all, and knowing that these people had the same surgery as I did, after i did, but with the support of doctors they could see regularly, and a lot of interaction with other lapbanders or networks or at the very least access to regular check ups helped them, and I just felt "why me".
Reassessing the situation from yesterday, when I hated those people for getting what I wanted, and getting something that has evaded my clutches for so long, I think that is basically it. I have been cheated, but now its down to me. I need to get OVER myself and get on with the job. Quit moaning, quit procrastinating, quit pity and shame and just give them the bird.
So I went to bed after having some kind of nutrition and a drink.
This morning, guess what. I can't drink. I tried some black coffee, and its not happening. I threw it back and got rid of it. That was about 12pm.
I have resorted to the worst thing, not proud but I am desperate. I still have my antibiotics to get down me remember, and I haven't been able to be regular with the doses because of yesterdays barf-fest. I NEED to take my antibiotic for this morning, and haven't been able to, so I have done the cardinal sin and taken an aspirin.
I haven't done it much, but when it gets too tight, I need something to loosen things. Paracetamol, which is safe for bandsters does not relief the stomach swelling. I do not advise it in anyway, but if desperate, then its something I have done, and haven't noticed any problems. With NSAID's you run the risk of bleeding of the stomach, or ulcers in normal life, but with a band, you risk erosion. I am frightened about using them, but sometimes no other drug will work and i seriously need to take on water for my infection so I don't burn my urethra right out and piss myself to death.
So, I am going to have something to drink and am resorting to liquids for 3 days again to settle this shit down a bit.
Sorry for such a rant, and being such an arsehole. I apologise for being horrid straight up. I am over it now.
I have to remember to Fight when I am super tight.
:o)
So today, i have managed about 400mls water and 2 slurps of Protein shake. I stopped there. I had to go back to the doctor's anyway as they found something odd in my urine.
apparently they grew a sterile puss from my wee. Lush. That's ok if it comes with bugs. Bugs + puss = infection. treat with antibio's for a week, sorted. whats not so great is when you have Lupus, repeated UTI's and loin pain (for about 6 months now) and they grow puss. Just Puss.
So now I have to go and fart around having a scan on my kidneys and my bladder. Joyeux
Rabu, 21 Oktober 2009
Butter vs. Margarine Showdown
I came across a gem of a study the other day, courtesy of Dr. John Briffa's blog. It's titled "Margarine Intake and Subsequent Coronary Heart Disease in Men", by Dr. William P. Castelli's group. It followed participants of the Framingham Heart study for 20 years, and recorded heart attack incidence*. Keep in mind that 20 years is an unusually long follow-up period.
The really cool thing about this study is they also tracked butter consumption. So it's really a no-holds barred showdown between the two fats. Here's a graph of the overall results, by teaspoons of butter or margarine eaten per day:
Heart attack incidence increased with increasing margarine consumption (statistically significant) and decreased slightly with increasing butter consumption (not statistically significant). That must have been a bitter pill for Castelli to swallow!
It gets better. Let's have a look at some of the participant characteristics, broken down by margarine consumption:
.png)
People who ate the least margarine had the highest prevalence of glucose intolerance (pre-diabetes), smoked the most cigarettes, drank the most alcohol, and ate the most saturated fat and butter. These were the people who cared the least about their health. Yet they had the fewest heart attacks. Imagine that. The investigators corrected for the factors listed above in their assessment of the contribution of margarine to disease risk, however, the fact remains that the group eating the least margarine was the least health conscious. This affects disease risk in many ways, measurable or not. I've written about that before, here and here.
Can this study get any better? Yes it can. The investigators broke down the data into two halves: the first ten years, and the second ten. In the first ten years, there was no significant association between margarine intake and heart attack incidence. In the second ten, the group eating the most margarine had 77% more heart attacks than the group eating none:
.png)
So it appears that margarine takes a while to work its magic.
They didn't publish a breakdown of heart attack incidence with butter consumption over the two periods. Perhaps they didn't like what they saw when they crunched the numbers. I find it really incredible that we're told to avoid dairy fat with data like these floating around. The Framingham study is first-rate epidemiology. It fits in perfectly with most other observational studies showing that full-fat dairy intake is not associated with heart attack and stroke risk. In fact, several studies have indicated that people who eat the most full-fat dairy have the lowest risk of heart attack and stroke.
It's worth mentioning that this study was conducted from the late 1960s until the late 1980s. Artificial trans fat labeling laws were still decades away in the U.S., and margarine contained more trans fat than it does today. Currently, margarine can contain up to 0.5 grams of trans fat per serving and still be labeled "0 g trans fat" in the U.S. The high trans fat content of the older margarines probably had something to do with the result of this study.
That does not make today's margarine healthy, however. Margarine remains an industrially processed pseudo-food. I'm just waiting for the next study showing that some ingredient in the new margarines (plant sterols? dihydro vitamin K1?) is the new trans fat.
Butter, Margarine and Heart Disease
The Coronary Heart Disease Epidemic
* More precisely, "coronary heart disease events", which includes infarction, sudden cardiac death, angina, and coronary insufficiency.
The really cool thing about this study is they also tracked butter consumption. So it's really a no-holds barred showdown between the two fats. Here's a graph of the overall results, by teaspoons of butter or margarine eaten per day:
Heart attack incidence increased with increasing margarine consumption (statistically significant) and decreased slightly with increasing butter consumption (not statistically significant). That must have been a bitter pill for Castelli to swallow! It gets better. Let's have a look at some of the participant characteristics, broken down by margarine consumption:
.png)
People who ate the least margarine had the highest prevalence of glucose intolerance (pre-diabetes), smoked the most cigarettes, drank the most alcohol, and ate the most saturated fat and butter. These were the people who cared the least about their health. Yet they had the fewest heart attacks. Imagine that. The investigators corrected for the factors listed above in their assessment of the contribution of margarine to disease risk, however, the fact remains that the group eating the least margarine was the least health conscious. This affects disease risk in many ways, measurable or not. I've written about that before, here and here. Can this study get any better? Yes it can. The investigators broke down the data into two halves: the first ten years, and the second ten. In the first ten years, there was no significant association between margarine intake and heart attack incidence. In the second ten, the group eating the most margarine had 77% more heart attacks than the group eating none:
.png)
So it appears that margarine takes a while to work its magic.They didn't publish a breakdown of heart attack incidence with butter consumption over the two periods. Perhaps they didn't like what they saw when they crunched the numbers. I find it really incredible that we're told to avoid dairy fat with data like these floating around. The Framingham study is first-rate epidemiology. It fits in perfectly with most other observational studies showing that full-fat dairy intake is not associated with heart attack and stroke risk. In fact, several studies have indicated that people who eat the most full-fat dairy have the lowest risk of heart attack and stroke.
It's worth mentioning that this study was conducted from the late 1960s until the late 1980s. Artificial trans fat labeling laws were still decades away in the U.S., and margarine contained more trans fat than it does today. Currently, margarine can contain up to 0.5 grams of trans fat per serving and still be labeled "0 g trans fat" in the U.S. The high trans fat content of the older margarines probably had something to do with the result of this study.
That does not make today's margarine healthy, however. Margarine remains an industrially processed pseudo-food. I'm just waiting for the next study showing that some ingredient in the new margarines (plant sterols? dihydro vitamin K1?) is the new trans fat.
Butter, Margarine and Heart Disease
The Coronary Heart Disease Epidemic
* More precisely, "coronary heart disease events", which includes infarction, sudden cardiac death, angina, and coronary insufficiency.
Butter vs. Margarine Showdown
I came across a gem of a study the other day, courtesy of Dr. John Briffa's blog. It's titled "Margarine Intake and Subsequent Coronary Heart Disease in Men", by Dr. William P. Castelli's group. It followed participants of the Framingham Heart study for 20 years, and recorded heart attack incidence*. Keep in mind that 20 years is an unusually long follow-up period.
The really cool thing about this study is they also tracked butter consumption. So it's really a no-holds barred showdown between the two fats. Here's a graph of the overall results, by teaspoons of butter or margarine eaten per day:
Heart attack incidence increased with increasing margarine consumption (statistically significant) and decreased slightly with increasing butter consumption (not statistically significant). That must have been a bitter pill for Castelli to swallow!
It gets better. Let's have a look at some of the participant characteristics, broken down by margarine consumption:
People who ate the least margarine had the highest prevalence of glucose intolerance (pre-diabetes), smoked the most cigarettes, drank the most alcohol, and ate the most saturated fat and butter. These were the people who cared the least about their health. Yet they had the fewest heart attacks. Imagine that. The investigators corrected for the factors listed above in their assessment of the contribution of margarine to disease risk, however, the fact remains that the group eating the least margarine was the least health conscious. This affects disease risk in many ways, measurable or not. I've written about that before, here and here.
Can this study get any better? Yes it can. The investigators broke down the data into two halves: the first ten years, and the second ten. In the first ten years, there was no significant association between margarine intake and heart attack incidence. In the second ten, the group eating the most margarine had 77% more heart attacks than the group eating none:
So it appears that margarine takes a while to work its magic.
They didn't publish a breakdown of heart attack incidence with butter consumption over the two periods. Perhaps they didn't like what they saw when they crunched the numbers. I find it really incredible that we're told to avoid dairy fat with data like these floating around. The Framingham study is first-rate epidemiology. It fits in perfectly with most other observational studies showing that full-fat dairy intake is not associated with heart attack and stroke risk. In fact, several studies have indicated that people who eat the most full-fat dairy have the lowest risk of heart attack and stroke.
It's worth mentioning that this study was conducted from the late 1960s until the late 1980s. Artificial trans fat labeling laws were still decades away in the U.S., and margarine contained more trans fat than it does today. Currently, margarine can contain up to 0.5 grams of trans fat per serving and still be labeled "0 g trans fat" in the U.S. The high trans fat content of the older margarines probably had something to do with the result of this study.
That does not make today's margarine healthy, however. Margarine remains an industrially processed pseudo-food. I'm just waiting for the next study showing that some ingredient in the new margarines (plant sterols? dihydro vitamin K1?) is the new trans fat.
Butter, Margarine and Heart Disease
The Coronary Heart Disease Epidemic
* More precisely, "coronary heart disease events", which includes infarction, sudden cardiac death, angina, and coronary insufficiency.
The really cool thing about this study is they also tracked butter consumption. So it's really a no-holds barred showdown between the two fats. Here's a graph of the overall results, by teaspoons of butter or margarine eaten per day:
Heart attack incidence increased with increasing margarine consumption (statistically significant) and decreased slightly with increasing butter consumption (not statistically significant). That must have been a bitter pill for Castelli to swallow! It gets better. Let's have a look at some of the participant characteristics, broken down by margarine consumption:
People who ate the least margarine had the highest prevalence of glucose intolerance (pre-diabetes), smoked the most cigarettes, drank the most alcohol, and ate the most saturated fat and butter. These were the people who cared the least about their health. Yet they had the fewest heart attacks. Imagine that. The investigators corrected for the factors listed above in their assessment of the contribution of margarine to disease risk, however, the fact remains that the group eating the least margarine was the least health conscious. This affects disease risk in many ways, measurable or not. I've written about that before, here and here. Can this study get any better? Yes it can. The investigators broke down the data into two halves: the first ten years, and the second ten. In the first ten years, there was no significant association between margarine intake and heart attack incidence. In the second ten, the group eating the most margarine had 77% more heart attacks than the group eating none:
So it appears that margarine takes a while to work its magic.They didn't publish a breakdown of heart attack incidence with butter consumption over the two periods. Perhaps they didn't like what they saw when they crunched the numbers. I find it really incredible that we're told to avoid dairy fat with data like these floating around. The Framingham study is first-rate epidemiology. It fits in perfectly with most other observational studies showing that full-fat dairy intake is not associated with heart attack and stroke risk. In fact, several studies have indicated that people who eat the most full-fat dairy have the lowest risk of heart attack and stroke.
It's worth mentioning that this study was conducted from the late 1960s until the late 1980s. Artificial trans fat labeling laws were still decades away in the U.S., and margarine contained more trans fat than it does today. Currently, margarine can contain up to 0.5 grams of trans fat per serving and still be labeled "0 g trans fat" in the U.S. The high trans fat content of the older margarines probably had something to do with the result of this study.
That does not make today's margarine healthy, however. Margarine remains an industrially processed pseudo-food. I'm just waiting for the next study showing that some ingredient in the new margarines (plant sterols? dihydro vitamin K1?) is the new trans fat.
Butter, Margarine and Heart Disease
The Coronary Heart Disease Epidemic
* More precisely, "coronary heart disease events", which includes infarction, sudden cardiac death, angina, and coronary insufficiency.
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